I'm a Moron!

In my last post, I mentioned that I haven't had a voice all week. This morning, as I got ready for work, I figured out why. I have random bouts of vertigo and it is linked to inner ear congestion. I know - TMI. Anyway...it has hit pretty hard over the past few weeks so on Saturday, I decided to get some Zyrtec to try to dry things up and clear things out. I started taking it on Saturday night. By Monday night, my voice was all but gone. From Tuesday until today, I've been at a whisper. However, I wasn't spinning and I didn't have that lovely "about to fall out of your chair" feeling. Frustrating for work but worth it for being steady. As I got ready to take my daily Zyrtec this morning, it hit me. If Zyrtec is used to dry up and break down your congestion, couldn't it also be dehydrating and drying out my vocal cords? DUH, Dana! To try it out, I didn't take one today. The dizziness is back a bit but so is the voice. Not 100% back but working on it quickly. Now the focus it to stay hydrated and stay away from any caffeine (thanks barbershop crowd for teaching me that important rule). So in a nutshell, I had no voice this week and I did it to myself.

What a moron!

Between This Week and the Next

So the big story of the week in my neck of the woods in the battle for my voice. Monday night it decided to check out for the rest of the week. Yep, it's gone. To make matters worse, I have a job that greatly requires words. Spoken, meaningful, clear words. I am thankful that I have such a good group of students because they have been helpful and sweet. They are afraid of hurting me so they have been very obedient and quiet. They have also suddenly become medical experts on how to heal my vocal cords. It's pretty funny! I'm getting desperate but I know I'll get it back soon (hopefully)!

So after a VERY frustrating, concerning week (Elizabeth in the hospital, the election, not having a voice, etc....), I am gearing up for the weekend. Our Friday is an early dismissal day so I'm hoping to bust a LOT out before going home at our usual time Then on Saturday, I am attending a training for Ministry Teams through a local church. I'm WAY excited about that. Then that evening is a come and go dessert dinner for some dear friends. On Sunday is a day I have come to not look forward to. The friends who are being honored with the dessert dinner will be saying good bye to us on Sunday night. My dear, dear friends, the Sheasby family, are leaving Houston on Monday to begin a final month in the US with extended family before moving back to Africa to open orphanages and schools. It is an exciting time but I am selfishly dreading losing such constant contact with a family I have come to love and adore.

So prayers over the next few days are appreciated: for growth and enlightenment during the training and strength in the good bye. It's going to be a weekend of highs and lows. Definitely a weekend to remember.

You Can Vote However You Like

Since I am the Social Studies CLT this year for my campus, I have received MANY things that are related to the election. One of my favorites is this video from CNN. These are kids that attend the Ron Clark Academy in New York City. It is not bias and presents both sides. My kids LOVED it and I did too! I'm not going to lie, I've listened to it many times on my own. The clip is about three and a half minutes long but totally worth the time! And if you think that the name Ron Clark sounds familiar, he is the teacher who wrote The Essential 55 and The Excellent 11. In a nutshell, he's a personal professional hero of mine. Anyways...GREAT clip about the candidates! Enjoy!

The Big Day

Here it is...Election Day. It is going to be a long day and a VERY long night. I hope everyone gets out there and does their thing. More importantly, I hope that today is a time of intensified prayer and petition for everyone. Let's keep laying this thing at the feet of the only One truly in control! One of my newest prayers has been that this thing is decided completely and that recounts and contesting the vote are minimal/nonexistent. Let's get this thing over with!!! Let's pray that November 5 is not welcomed with more name calling and mud slinging. I'm looking forward to this campaign being over!!!!

Happy Voting!

Randomness on a Friday Night

Driving to work today I was able to see the most AMAZING sun rise. From the blazing reds on the horizon to the crystal blues as high up as I could see, every color in between could be seen. As I marveled at it, I noticed how every shade of red turned to pink turned to orange turned to yellow turned to blue. In the midst of being awestruck, I thought "WAIT! If yellow and blue make green, how come the brilliant yellows and crystal clear blues don't fade into each other to produce at least a tiny sliver of green during sunrises?" Hmmmm.... That would be weird!
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Did anyone else know that Halloween is the biggest holiday of the year for fireworks? I didn't either but the church behind my apartment proved me wrong tonight. Apparently it calls for more than New Year's Eve and the Fourth of July (combined). Pretty but LOUD! I thought some kids had set some off outside my door. Talk about suddenly being VERY awake!

Who knew?

Challenge

Lately I have been thinking about this world of blogs. I love it because it is how I keep up with everyone that I don't see every day. It's a way for me to get all that is rumbling around in my head out. It is theraputic and great fun at the same time. Of course, I can't just leave it at that - I have to think about it too much! :)

Most of the people who read this blog are those I love but don't see often. However, I know that for some of you, this is all we get of each other for lengths of time. Still others may happen across this blog via the handy dandy "Next" button or the ever addictive Google. I've become increasingly aware of the idea that what people read may be all that they ever know about me. It may be the only window into who I am, what I've become, or what I represent. That has got me thinking upon an even deeper question: How do I come across? What do people see when they stumble across this blog? Am I a light in the darkness? Am I the proverbial salt? Can they tell whose I am? Are my words sweet and uplifting? Do people see joy? Do readers hear trust, confidence, and peace? Is this blog a blessing? Do people want to come back and read again?

I don't ask these questions for affirmation. Just some things that have been put on my heart - being aware of my interactions with others, whether in person or just in words. I'm not talking about being Pollyanna or sickeningly optimistic. Even in the hard, tough times, where do I put my faith and how do I express that to others? I guess it is just a challenge to myself to be aware of how I come across in my words and deeds.

Who Needs Comfort Food?

There is just something comforting about enjoying a classic from your childhood!

Ishmael vs. Isaac

*** Before the real post - pictures are up of Erin, Gregg, and baby on her blog (link on the right)!!!!***

I recently finished reading a book by Kelly Minter called No Other gods. The basic premise of the book is differentiating between the Lord your God and modern day idols (our daily functional gods). There are many things that I have walked away from this book with - acknowledging things that I hadn't even considered as things I put certain amounts of trust in. I've had to take breaks from certain issues and am relearning to put things in the hands of the One who knows the outcomes.

The biggest impact from this book was at the very end. Kelly retells the story of Abraham and his two sons in a way that I have never really considered. She really spent time discussing that although we know that Ishmael was not the fulfillment of God's promise, he was Abraham's son. Even after Isaac was born, Ishmael was the first born and for 13 years, Abraham lived with and loved this boy. Yet, in order to more completely fulfill the will of God, he had to send him away. He had to kiss Ishmael on the head and say goodbye. This very much touched me. Something I had honestly never thought about. I've blown past this heartbreaking moment for so long because Isaac is the one we have always focused on. I've never been presented with this HUGE sacrifice of Ishmael. That's what happened - Abraham sacrificed both of his sons to God but only got to keep Isaac. He lost his first born.

Minter then went on to talk about how we have to do the same thing. There are things in our lives that we have grown attached to and deeply invested in that we have to let go of in order to receive all that God has prepared for us. I've done this in the past and it is HARD. It brings the idea of taking things into our hands into a whole new light. It makes me question my motivation behind some things that I do. Not everything but some things. It has brought peace and acceptance in many ways (but that is another post for another day).

So now that I am aware of all of this, I find myself wondering what the difference is between being proactive and taking matters into my own hands. There is some thing that I am considering right now but I'm not sure which it falls into - am I making an Ishmael-like decision by taking things into my own hands now only to have to sacrifice it later? Or am I just being proactive? I know that God can bless or use any decision I make. After all, He did bless Ishmael when Abraham asked Him to.

As we talked about in my Monday morning Bible study at work, this is a lesson I want to learn from the pages and not experience again!

First Impressions

After MONTHS of waiting, Elizabeth is here! I got to spend some time in the afternoon with Gregg and Erin before she got to the hard part of pushing. She did SO great! Such a trooper! We were all hanging out in the waiting room, jumping at every footstep hoping it was Gregg and then there he was. The parents got to go in first, then it was my turn....

As most of you know, I tend to have delayed reactions so I didn't even realize how special this moment was until I was talking to Esme tonight. Have Gregg hand me his daughter felt a little surreal. Almost like it wasn't us. Until I looked into her face. Her little eyelashes so blond that you had to look closely to see them. Her big blue eyes trying to open despite the bright light. The way that she grunted telling us all about what had just happened to her. Her soft little cries.

Above all of this, I can remember something very specific about our first meeting. First, she did not like being taken from her grandma so she started to softly cry. Gregg handed her to me and I talked to her for a second. She looked at me and stopped. Maybe it was the rocking or maybe it was the not being jostled but I know the truth - we already have a little bond thing going on between niece and aunt. I know because she kinda smiled at me. Yep, at an hour and a half only, she knows that she has this adult hooked.

On the funny side, Dad and I kept watching her in the nursery. She is SO funny! That blond hair started drying and getting a little "blonde bomb-ness" in it (taking after her mother). She would keep her entire back on the bed and twist her curled legs side to side. I found it quite adorable (but I'm not biased or anything)!

Picture on Erin's blog and I'm sure more will follow soon!

My Monica Moment?

I've been thinking about Erin and the baby a lot lately. I'm SO excited that I just CAN'T stand it! I'm so excited that I literally can't contain it. At the same time, it is more than just excited. It's something else that I can't even put words on. A few weeks ago I said something about Elizabeth being my baby and, of course, Erin attempted to correct me but she really is my baby. You may think that I'm joking but I'm not. I started crying on the phone with Erin the other day. Just this morning while I was blow drying by hair, I was thinking about her coming and just getting to hold her . I just started crying. I'm crying now writing this. I keep wondering if I'll start crying when I finally meet her or if I'll just be so excited that my face hurts from grinning. If things keep going like they have been, I'll look like Monica from this episode of Friends: itching to get her hands on the baby and just crying in joy. The main difference? This aunt won't always have gum (sorry little one!).

Too Good Not to Share

Today my 17 little barometers were spinning like crazy as several rain bands and a front blew through. The way it manifested itself was through obscene amounts of talking. After all day of it, I had enough. Here is what when down:

Me: When I tell you that this is a "by yourself activity", that means that you stop talking. S-T-O-P, stop! No more. No sound coming out of your mouth! Starting NOW!

(After 15 seconds of blissful silence, the students at Table 2 start singing together some random song I have never heard. This is BAD timing on their part.)

Me: STOP!!!! PLEASE STOP! When I say stop talking that means that you close your mouth and open your ears. That is how we show we are listening and learning in first grade. It does NOT mean start singing the song that you heard on the Disney channel last night. I am frustrated and if you do not want to see angry Ms. LaMore, you will follow directions.

(The room goes silent and one brave soul raises his hand at Table 2.)

Me: Thank you for raising your hand and waiting to be called on. What is your question?

Student: Did you watch that show last night too?

At that moment NO words or sounds were functioning. I was beyond words. I just stared at him a moment and then walked away, wanting to pull all of my hair out. Now, hours later, I can appreciate the moment. Not only is he adorable but he has some comedic timing too. Bless them all!!!

Breathing Easier

A few weeks ago, I noticed an announcement on our website that the superintendent of our district wanted to have an open genuine discuss about the future of the school I work with. All community members and staff were invited to attend. This has been a bit scary because there have been some scary rumors floating around. It is a known fact that there is a board member who has been pushing to tear our school down and sell our land for district profit. We are an old facility in need of much love so of all the rumors we have heard, this one sounded very plausible. Tonight was the meeting....

Thankfully, the plan is to completely rebuild our campus! It may not be for a few years and there are some major bumps in the road but we aren't going anywhere. There are some major decisions still to be made - make up of the student body (K-5th vs. K-8th), the type of school it will be (regular, charter, or magnet), where on our property to build, possible sell of some of our land, etc. We are just SO blessed by the amount of support that came out for our campus! Our school is a WONDERFUL place but the love of the community was overwhelming. It made for a LONG day (got home at 9:45 tonight) but we are all sleeping easier. What a blessing!

Ministry Opportunity for All of Us

Today was Abundant Joy - an area wide women's conference that was held at West Houston. One of our keynote speakers was sharing a story about a time when she was having a hard time making ends meet financially and had been praying for help with her car payment. A lady called and offered to take care of it for her. Initially, our speaker turned the help down but quickly called the woman back and accepted. The woman started crying with gratitude for allowing her to help out. It was at this point in the story that she said, "There is ministry in letting other people minister to you." My mind jumped two places at the same time (funny how it can do that!).

First, HOW TRUE! I have been on both sides of this statement. I have needed help so badly and not known how to get it when God supplies it unexpectedly. To accept it is hard - especially when it feels like you have brought your current situation upon yourself. Yet, here you are being blessed by the ministry of someone else. At another time, I was so steeped in self pity that I needed to get outside of myself and help someone else. They will never know it but by letting me help them, they ministered to my spirit. They allowed me to serve instead of wallow. It is a hard thing to do but if someone is willing to open themself up to being helped, they are serving more than they are receiving. I am in the process of learning to stop rejecting help and blessings from others for this very reason. It is more blessed to give than receive. I am learning to bless others by allowing them to help me. We need each other and cannot do this thing called life alone!! I have no doubt that everyone can relate!!! It truly is a win-win situation. You might even say that it is a win-win-win situation because both parties are ministered to and God is glorified. (Sorry but I had to throw in an inside joke with a spiritual twist for those of us that are fans of The Office).

My second thought went to one of our own. Always wanting to serve others and put herself last. Working so hard and carrying so much without wanting to bother anyone. Here is a word of truth spoken directly over you with all of my love - "There is ministry in letting people minister to you!" I pray that this is a ministry that you can let yourself take part in very soon. I pray it is a ministry that we can ALL take part in very soon...

To Go or Not to Go

The dreaded 10 year reunion is coming for this girl. I have very little desire to go but will admit that there are a few friends that I would like to see. Curiosity is peaking about a few individuals. However, what holds me back from going is my personal expectations. Let me explain....

There is SO much I would like to go back and tell "Senior Year Dana". So many things that I have learned and been lead through over the past 10 years. I can honestly say that my life today is very little is as I had envisioned it being at 10 year reunion time. In some ways, there is disappointment but in others, it is far better than I could ever have hoped for. It is sad that 10 years after seeing many of these people, there is still a part of me that cares what they will think. Still single, no kids, nothing hugely successful (by the world's standards) to my name. I don't want to walk in and share that with everyone I knew. The funniest thing about it all is that I wasn't that to anyone in my graduating class to begin with. I couldn't wait to move on! I haven't kept in touch with any of them - not one. And it goes the other way too. Yet, 10 years later, I feel myself reverting into that insecure 18 year old girl.

On the flip side, Mom was telling me about a conversation she had with a co-worker who is exactly my age. The lady described herself to Mom as "a divorced 28 year old with kids". Hidden in that is I hear a lot of the same insecurities and disappointments that I hear in myself.

I find it ironic that I assumed that everyone would be living this wonderful life and I would be the odd one out. There are most likely people in my class that are divorced, single parents, or in my same boat. Life takes us all by the hand and we just hold on, hoping to make our way in spite of the great unknown. I know Who is leading me and am SO thankful. I just need to remember that if I decide to face all of those people from good ol' PHS.

Oh joy....

Demonstrations of Faith

When I look through the Bible, I see so many different ways that people demonstrated their faith. Many, like Abraham, went to new places. Many, like Isaiah, spoke. Others, like Hannah, waited. Some, like the widow, were persistent. Many were faithful in multiple ways. So this has me thinking....

I have full faith in God, who He says He is, and what He has done/is doing/will do. I have full faith that my life is in His hands where my name is engraved (Isa. 49:16 - it's a personal favorite). I have full confidence that when the time is right, God will reveal His plan for me just as He did for my job here in Katy. It is a reassuring trust as I've never known. There is no room for doubt. But in the meantime....

How do I show this faith? Do I beg as the persistent widow? Do I beg and plead pouring out my heart in full confidence that prayer will be answered by the only one who can provide? Or do I lay it at the feet of God as a sacrifice and just walk away from it knowing He will do His perfect will in unexpected, indescribable ways? On one hand, I feel as if I am not turning everything over to God but on the other, I feel as if I am giving up? What is the right way to show faith?

I'm just thankful to have a relationship with God where I can say, "I trust you 100% and have full faith in whatever you are doing with my life. I just don't know how to show you that right now. Tell me how to be faithful."

Henna Tattoos and Cameroon Accents

While Houston isn't my favorite place that I have lived, it has provided many blessings and allowed for a personal indulgences. One thing that I have always greatly desired has been to be surrounded by diverse people. This year, I got it! In my classroom, I have a little girl whose parents are first generation Americans from Pakistan. I have a little girl from Cameroon by way of Katrina wrecked New Orleans. Two little girls are twins. I have a little boy from Galveston who has just joined us and is giving me a run for my money. I have another girl who has joined us from New York City. One sweet girl is from India. I have the tallest and the shortest child in first grade in my class. I have a boy whose brother I taught last year. Several non-English speaking parents. I love it!!

Getting wrapped up in the starting of a new year and then getting through a hurricane has made me lose sight of how much I love being about such different individuals. However, today I have been gently reminded of the joy in knowing different people. This is from my little girl from Pakistan. She walked into class today with the most beautiful henna tattoos on her hands. She was absent yesterday for the celebration of the end of Ramadan. I was awe struck. I couldn't stop staring at them. Sweet little hands with tiny detailed flowers temporarily decorating them. I so wish I has a picture but she was pretty shy considering all of the attention she was getting.

My amazing team this year is no different. Our team leader has become a very dear friend to me. She is born and raised in Katy. She and I are the same age and the oldest on the team (I win with most experience). How did that happen!? :) Another teammate is a first year teacher from Ohio who recently moved to Texas. We were blessed to get to know each other through a summer bible study. Our third teammate has joined us from Atlanta by way of Hawaii and Katrina wrecked New Orleans. I am blessed to work with them day in and day out. Here we are:

Do I agree 100% with everything that everyone brings to my room? No. Do I love them for teaching me about world cultures and living together? Most definitely! I love it!!!!!

No Other Answer but God!

In order to understand this post, you HAVE to ready the one right before this. I almost immediately got out of bed to post again but I had to just revel in the blessings of God!


So last night I write my post, hit publish, and go read in bed like I do every night. Right now I am reading No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. The subtitle explains what it is about: "Confronting our modern day idols". Very good and I highly recommend it! Anyway..... Keep in mind that this is happening less than 15 minutes after I posted about this annoyingly haunting question that won't leave me alone. I flip open the book to my chapter for the night entitled "Lies". She is sharing some ah-ha moments from a discussion based on the Genesis 3 passage about Eve's temptation and man's fall. This is what my eyes run across (sorry but it is quite lengthy):

When I think of the lies I am prone to embrace, I realize that many of them begin as questions. It's not as often that I'm thrown by someone or something that comes right out and denounces my set of beliefs. Those are a lot easier to dismiss. But more often I am sent down a doubtful path when my beliefs are simply questioned. Because a statement doesn't require a response, but a question demands an answer. When a person or idea asks, "Did God really say?" suddenly we are in a state of thought, reason, and possible defense. A question engages us in ways that statements do not. I have to believe that Satan knew this.

But here's where things get trickier than I ever realized: Not only did the Serpent begin with a question, but his question was fundamentally flawed. "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" There's something eerily wrong with this question - notice the word any. God did not say that Adam and Eve couldn't eat from any tree in the garden. He said they could not eat from one. Just one. This is a world of difference. If Satan can lure us into disputing the wrong question, in a sense we have already lost.

I know this one too well. I have spent countless hours wasting my energy on things that didn't deserve it. I have spent exorbitant amounts of time fighting the wrong questions. Though I do not pretend the Christian life is neatly packaged or cut and dried, the Bible is full of countless truths that can keep me from having to enter countless unnecessary wrestling matches. Too many times I've limped away broken and bruised, only to hear God say, "I never asked you to fight this one."

When I ponder the time I have wrestled with lies, often I find myself set up in the same way Eve was - to fight the wrong question.

I near about fell out of my bed! Can we give a little praise for God's timing!? What a blessing and release for me! Today, the question has been silent and I honestly had forgotten all about it until I did my daily blog check. God is SO good!!!

A Frustratingly Vague Post

Last week was exhausting. Seriously! On Friday night I slept for ten and a half hours. Then Saturday night I slept for nine hours. Tonight, I am still a bit tired but will not give in to sleep until 10:00. For a girl who averages seven hours a night, this is very telling! So it has been a weekend of rest. Thank you Jesus for comfortable beds and time to re-coop!

In between times of rest, my refreshed mind has been rolling things over. I thought I would share one with you. I am sure many of you can relate. Have you ever had someone make a statement or ask you a question slightly in passing and it haunted you? It was not intended to be one that lasted more than a moment to make a point but is echoing in your ears? One of you asked me something a few months ago and for the past week-ish it has been bouncing around in my brain. Over and over, the question rolls. On one hand, it makes me doubt a choice I have made, but on the other, it makes me mad because I feel like it is bullying me into doing something that I (with 100% certainty) no longer desire. It is haunting me because it won't leave me alone. It won't go away!!! So what does that mean for me? Those of you that know me so well know the answer to this question - I am privately analyzing it. God is getting an ear-full right now because I don't know why it won't leave me alone. Is He trying to tell me something or is Satan trying to get a foothold in my weakness? I do not know.

I'm sure you understand.....

Boys, Girls, and Binkys

Every experienced teacher knows that when you give someone something new to manipulate, time to play and explore is a must. We all know that before it can be productive, our inquisitive nature must be satisfied. That is why we interview for jobs, read the back of books, or look for newer gadgets. For older "kids", it may be a new phone. For the little ones, say six years old and in first grade, it can be something much simpler.

Today in math, we were assessing students' ability to perform basic addition and subtraction. In order to help, each student was given manipulatives. In our class, we used "Binkys". Basically, they are little deformed animals. Last year, the teacher before me called them Alien Hippos. We call them Binkys because they look like that character from the Arthur books. Anyway, the students completed the addition and then were given two minutes to play with their Binkys to clear their minds before hitting the subtraction. After subtraction, the students were given the choice to draw or continue playing with their Binkys. All but one chose to play.

What was most interesting to me was watching how the boys and girls played with the Binkys. The boys' Binkys were very interactive. They jumped, attacked, flew, and body slammed. They had silent sound affects (their mouths shaped sounds but none were heard). On the other hand, the girls were much more subdude. Instead of active Binkys, theirs were orderly and silent. Instead of "playing", the girls spent their time arranging them. Parallel lines, one long line, circles, matching Binkys on the letters of their name plates, etc etc etc... If there is a way to arrange Binkys, I saw it today.

Just another example of how boys and girls are so different.

Maybe I Didn't Want to Know After All

I've told a couple of people that I was curious what Ike did to the economy. I found this quote in an article linked on the MSN page.

"Risk Management Assessment Inc., which quantifies risks for insurance companies, estimated Ike's impact would land in the low end of the $6 billion to $16 billion in insured losses that the firm initially predicted."

WOW!!! And these are the statistics with a large amount of customers without power. Insane!!!

Priorities

Schools around the Houston/Gulf Coast area have been closed for over a week. Some will not reopen for quite a while. It was just reported that Houston ISD has about 140 schools with power and ready to open on Monday. Sounds good, right? It is deceptive because they followed with the announcement that 106 schools in that same district are still without power and other essentials. Unreal!!

So what about my district? We are scheduled to resume classes on Monday unless something we are unaware of happens. However....At the bottom of our Hurricane Recovery page, what will you find listed below the closings and reasons for closing? The athletic schedule for THIS WEEKEND!!! Don't believe me? Click here. So basically, things are not ready to educate students in a safe, productive environment but by golly, there will be football!

Aren't you glad to know that our priorities are in the right places?

Her Hands

Ike has come and gone. I'll write more about it later after I have heard about a couple of more things. Suffice it to say that we are thankful to have power and except for the limited gas and lack of meat/dairy products, we are relatively back to normal. Since both Erin and I are off today and tomorrow due to not having power at our workplaces, we decided to run some errands. We talked about feeling guilty just going on as we have been while others are without SO much. However, while we wait, we do need to take care of a couple of things.

One of the stops we made was to Motherhood Maternity so Erin could pick up a couple of things she needed. She was trying on a shirt and called me in to help her untie a knot behind her. I got it out relatively quickly and for some reason, my eyes stayed there while she tied the pull behind her back. In that instant, my mind flashed back to her hands at six years old. They were tying her shoes instead of her shirt tie. She didn't notice but I caught my breath. I've seen those hands grow from gripping the tag on her Care Bear to playing a clarinet to wearing her wedding ring and soon to holding the hand of her newborn daughter. It was a very real moment for me that my baby sister is having a baby. She will be tying shoes for her daughter very soon. That moment of watching her hands still sits with me now. So beautiful.

Peace Comes in the Morning...

Public disclaimer - Do NOT watch incoming storm coverage all evening long. Talk about going to bed with knots in your stomach! However, it did stir up some nervous energy and the apartment is clean. I'm already finished getting the place ready for Mom and Dad next weekend. SWEET! Just before bed, I read for a little bit to unwind. God sure knows how to calm our spirits and sooth our souls through the gift of rest!! Anyway...Feeling much calmer this morning. Heading to Erin and Gregg's in about 20 -30 minutes. I do enjoy a good storm but I am NOT looking forward to this - no one here is. However, I am thankful this morning. If I have to ride out a hurricane, who better to do it with than Erin and Gregg? If you don't believe me, check out her blog today. I do love them both so much! Hunkering down in a HUGE master closet with them and their dog will ease all concerns. Who knows, maybe we will laugh a little bit too. Little Elizabeth will definitely have some stories to hear about when she asks her parents about when Mom was pregnant or when she was born.

Love you all and see you on the other side of Ike! :)

The Obligatory Hurricane Post

If you didn't know it was coming, you couldn't tell by the weather. It is beautiful outside - hot and sunny. Literally the calm before the storm. Thankfully, in the past 24 hours, the predicted path of the eye has moved east a few miles. However, they are predicting sustained winds of 75-110 miles per hour with 5-10 inches of rain with possible flooding and isolated tornadoes. Still not the most peaceful and enjoyable of storms.

Leaving school was so tough today. I spent the last hour of my day (yay for conference period last!) putting things in cabinets, moving items away from the windows, turning shelves/drawers to face inside walls, and deciding what is too valuable to leave in the 50 year old building. We are all concerned about the roof. We are expecting at the least leaks or at the most for it to be blown off. Leaving all of my books was NOT easy. The kids were pretty shocked when they walked back in the room after music. Dismissal came a couple of minutes early and we were rushing to reassure their little spirits and remind them not to come to school tomorrow. As we put the kids on the buses, it was difficult knowing that they didn't have a full concept of the scariness that awaits them over the next few days. They think it is just a big thunderstorm. I'm sure there will be some stories on Monday! I hugged each one, looked them in the eye, and asked "Who loves you?" to which they all replied correctly - me. Such smart kids....

After getting the kids loaded, we made a very last minute final sweep of our rooms. As we all rushed out, we gave each other that concerned look. I know that several are concerned about the winds because of huge beautiful old trees in their yards. Others live in floodplains. Many, like me, are afraid of the unknown. One of my new teammates was in her first year teaching in New Orleans when Katrina hit. She said this is a little too familiar to her. Bless her heart!!! We have no clue what we will have on our plates on Monday when we get back to school (Lord willing).

At some point tomorrow, I'll head to Erin and Gregg's house. I'm dreading leaving my home. The apartment is a little bit higher than everything around it so I'm not too concerned about flooding. I'm on the first floor so I know that I don't have to directly worry about a roof. I just don't want any damage. I keep telling myself that it is all material possessions - easily replaced and not of eternal value. However, it is the things that make where I live my home. It has meaning to me. I can live without it and be fine. I just don't want to.... Some things will go with me but not much. I'm just going to trust.

Now I Get It...

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." - Philippians 4:11-12

It's funny how you can read a passage of scripture so many times that in some ways it becomes that verse that everyone knows and uses as cliche. In the past few weeks, these inspired words have taken on renewed meaning to me. I read it now and feel such a blessedness from it. There is a great secret to being content and I have found it.

A few months ago, I took part in a Bible study in which we were asked to prostrate ourselves before God in prayer before diving into the study. This was hard for me because it was so far out of my comfort zone. I did it and it made a difference! Then, due to various injuries, it was not an option. The study ended as the injuries healed and that closed the door on "fall on my face" prayer. Until....

God is SO good in His timing! In recent weeks, I have been convicted and moved to surrender some difficult things to our God. As part of that, I have repeated found my innermost being compelling me to get down before the mercy seat of God. Knowing how the Spirit speaks, I've found myself spending more and more time getting the pattern of my carpet pressed into my forehead. In doing so, the beautiful gift of acknowledging His ways and His plans before my own has taught me the lesson of contentment. Yes, I do know what is it to be plenty and in want. Yes, I still struggle with that and what that means in my daily walk. I don't have all of the answers but I do know this: Giving it all to the One who holds all of the answers results in freedom that I am just learning to experience. So what is the secret to being content? Laying it all at the feet of Jesus in purest, most sincere surrender! As difficult as it some days, this truly is the best of all ways to be content in every circumstance.

How lovely that the very next verse following the call to contentment reads, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13) Even when it is hard to surrender and trust in the unseen, it is His strength that makes it possible. His strength is the source of our contentment!

Random Thought For a Sunday

What do you think Jesus dreamed about when he slept?

Really!?

I got my certificate for completing Defensive Driving this morning. It surprised me in more ways than one. Check out the return address on the envelope:

How do you know you're tired?

So I was trying to finish up some work on the computer last night and I started getting REALLY sleepy. I decided that a ginger ale would help me wake up with its carbonation and just a drink. So as I walked away from the fridge, I realized exactly how tired I was. Out of habit from grabbing a small bottle of juice, I looked down to see myself SHAKING the can to make sure it was mixed well.

Oy!

Lessons I Would Have Rather NOT Learned This Way

YES - your knees can turn to Jello while sitting down
YES - the sight of a caravan can make you sink
YES - watching the other side of the highway can be very important
YES - selfishness can turn itself around

How do I know? This afternoon I spent a very LONG three hours driving back to Katy. Along the way, I saw 33 evacuee buses and 201 ambulances. I wish that I was just exaggerating my numbers but I'm not. That's after most stopped in Houston! The flashing lights of the ambulances were the worst. They drove in caravans of 5 to 11 - most with flashing lights. Inside each one, I imagined, was just one individual. Sick or seriously injured, they were being taken further away from their home without any idea of when or if they would return. And they were doing it pretty much alone. I doubt they had anyone with them other than the EMT that they probably didn't know from Adam before they got on the road. How scary!! A had a constant lump in my throat for the entire way home.

To make matters less pleasant, God decided to step on my toes. Apparently, when Katrina hit, my school was past capacity. I've been saying for days that I don't know if I can handle that this year. Now, all I can think about are those little six year olds so far from everything that they know. I'll take any one that I get if I can be any source of comfort to them. No child should have to go through this let alone twice in their short six years of life.

Prayers for everyone affected by Gustav!!

What a Guy!

This one is for all of you teachers out there (or those that just need a little faith in the generations to come). This is a clip of the keynote speaker for Dallas ISD's back to school convocation. AMAZING! It is only about five minutes and it will blow you away! Just start watching it to see who the speaker is and then listen as you do something else - if you can. I turned it on with that intention and then was glued to the clip. Trust me, it is a MUST see! Click here to be blown away!

And on the Third Day....

We are over half way through the first week of the 2008-2009 school year. Despite the accolades that many sing about loving the first day/week, it isn't everything it is cracked up to be. However if definitely has its high points! Here are a few of the highs and lows of the first three days of school in my first grade class.

I now greatly appreciate the prepackaged school supplies. In a school where half of the kids are doing good to bring pencils, the consistency and uniformity of the shrink wrapped kits we get are a HUGE blessing! I understand that special folders and pencils are pretty but life really is SO much easier when parents just buy the kits from the school so we can share!

Sometimes teaching routines and procedures feels like being a bully. I struggle with feeling like I'm crushing their spirits when I know it is just teaching when they can and cannot talk. What a fine line!

Seeing last years kids is the BEST part of back to school!

First graders are just SO incredibly cute!!

On the writing prompt "I like ______." one of my boys showed me "I like met. The bet met is stak." For those of you not accustom to our little ones, that is read, "I like meat. The best meat is steak." And the boy DID like his meat!

I now believe that the word spaghetti was created so we could hear the attempts of "spud-betty".

One of my co-workers is Mrs. Lagarde (read la-guard). When I asked a little girl who her teacher was, she said Mrs. Lagarden.

You can tell a lot about a kids family by the most simple of statements. When modelling writing about my family, I said Dad is a probation officer. My meat boy's hand shot in the air and he declared, "I know what THAT is!" I bet you do.....

They are FASCINATED about Erin being pregnant. They want EVERY detail of anything I can tell them.

Sometimes the most snaggle toothed smile is the sweetest!

Better Words Than Mine

This afternoon I heard this song on the way to church. It puts everything I have experienced this weekend (see post just below) into perfect words. It is called "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real. Click here to listen to the song.

It's time for healing time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long

Time make right what has been wrong

It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me

All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Reevaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow your will

or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is you want from me

I give everything I surrender...To...

[Chorus]

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something heavenly

Something heavenly

It's time to face up

Clean this old house

Time breathe in and let everything out

Saving the Best for Last

This has really not been the best summer of my life. There are several things to be thankful for and that I highly enjoyed but it was tough along the way. Thankfully, God saw fit to make this last weekend of summer break the best one! As it began, I couldn't help but realize how sanctified this weekend was for so many thousands throughout our state. While 10,000 women met in the Alamodome, thousands of men met in Houston for Men at the Cross. What a blessing!

On Friday, I drove to SA to meet Alissa and together, we spent the weekend in study and praise through Living Proof Live. We were blessed to study with Beth, praise with Travis and the LPL worship band, and Q&A with the Moore girls. It was almost too much! SO many things to be thankful for. I'm still processing it! When that happens (IF that happens), I'll share more then. Until that time comes, here are a few of the highlights.

• Catching up with Alissa
• Beautiful hotel room
• Even though you are surrounded by thousands of people and very dear close friends, there are still those you wish were there to experience it all with you. What a gift of His people!
• Singing SEVERAL of my favorite praise songs with thousands of women.
• It has been confirmed that "In Christ Alone" remains in the top five best songs of all time. When we sang it, I know that the only thing that kept me from exploding into a thousand pieces with joy was the skin I'm in.
• Sometimes, those hands just won't stay down!
• AMAZING study on being heirs and our inheritance (Psalm 16)!
• After years of slow but steady work, God broke through this hard head. At last, there is peace!
• I am convinced, now more than ever, that there is something wonderful looming on the horizon. I have NO clue what it is but I know that God is already there and He is guiding me all the way.

The Days Before Kids

Our district started teachers back to school about a week before everyone else in the state. After DAYS of conferences and meetings, we are now on final countdown to children being here with us. So I thought I would share how our parents greeted us yesterday.

We have a wonderful PTO at our school. Every year they feed us on the Wednesday before school starts. This year was different. Instead of the traditional Lasagna House, they fed us Japanese food! To say that it was a feast is an understatement. Here is the menu. I am putting a star next to everything that I tried. No, I'm not a pig. I was an adventurous sampler! Hey, when someone else else is footing the bill, why not try little bits of something new!?

Appetizer - Edamame (soy beans)* and Pan Fried/Steamed Chicken and Pork Dumplings*
Main Dish - Assorted Maki Sushi Rolls*, Chicken Teriyaki*, and Shrimp Tempura*
Soup - Miso Soup
Salad - Seaweed Salad*, Green Salad*
Dessert - Assorted Petite Cheesecake*, Cream Puffs, and Peach Cobbler*

Can I just say that I was VERY surprised to find out that seaweed salad is SO good!? It tasted a lot like Pad Thai but is TONS healthier. And the Dumplings were AMAZING! However, the best part of the meal was watching my teammate's face as she tasted new things. Too funny!

Who knew Japanese food was so good!?

Same Song, Ten Months Later....

Last October, I posted a video of Brandon Heath's song "I'm Not Who I Was". I remember that it spoke to me so strongly of forgiving past hurts. It has continued to be one of my favorite songs and today Brandon sang it live on KSBJ with just his guitar. I was thrilled to hear it but I realized that it sounded significantly different than I have ever heard it before. The words and the tune were the same but it spoke to my heart in an entirely new way. Here is how....

Over the past two years, God has been doing an overhaul on me. He has been gently molding this clay to see and experience Him in ways that I never expected. He has been faithful "to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us" (Eph 3:20). It has been so gradual that it has often only been in retrospect that I have seen exactly how far He has brought me in our relationship.

When I look back at who I was two years ago, I remember feeling so proud of myself for not having done anything "that bad". At the time I didn't see my pride but now - WHOA! I was deep in it! I was sure that I had God figured out and that I knew how to do this Christian thing pretty well. Thankfully, through many circumstances and over time, God has revealed what He looks like. He is showing me that He does not think as I think or even how I expect Him to think. He is not confined to what I think He should do or to act as I think He should act. He is teaching me what love is and what it means to be loved in its purest form. He is teaching me about relationship over all things. He is revealing the beauty of grace and forgiveness for others.

As I have look at myself two years ago, I struggle with the misconceptions and times I missed the mark. I have spent much time wishing that I could go back, grab my shoulders, and give myself a good shake. It has been a difficult pill to shallow but today has produced the cure.

As I listened to "I'm Not Who I Was", I did not associate it as a song meant to be addressed from me to someone else. I heard it as who I am now sitting across a table talking to who I was two years ago. It was beautiful and freeing all at the same time. It released anger, sadness, and disappointment in who I was, what I thought, and what I had missed out on. It was a song about forgiving myself. This morning, listening to Brandon, I just wanted to step back in time and hug myself, saying that even though it would be a tough couple of years, everything from here would only go up. Now I know that I was right where I needed to be for God to do what He needed to do. I cannot forget that. I cannot forget who I was because that has helped form the foundation of who I am. I am thankful to remember but to never go back. Now I know that up will only continue in His hands and at His feet.

"...to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." - Eph 3:21

I'm Not Who I Was by Brandon Heath (lyrics )

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love the Olympics 2008 (so far)

In no particular order:

10. Watching the men’s 4x100 free relay with Gregg
9. Doors have been opened amongst God’s people through these games like never before.
8. The sense of unity among those usually in conflict
7. That everyone sounds like experts when discussing sports we only watch once every four years
6. Chinese Gymnastics team and hearing the Chinese cheer on their team
5. The ridiculous amount of times I gasp or hold my breath for the athletes
4. Aaron Peirsol – enough said
3. The rise of the underdog
2. Watching Michael Phelps blow everyone away
1. Dreams coming true

Dangerous Confession

What I am about to tell you may shock some of you and disgust others. So in advance, I apologize...

The gift of A&M and, more importantly, Aggies for Christ, is by far one of the biggest blessings God has put in my life. I honestly cannot think back on who I am today without my years there. When someone asks where I went to school, I am extremely thankful and proud to say that I am an Aggie. However....

On the way to work this morning, I was behind someone who had a longhorn decal on the back of their car. To my surprise, I found that I had just about the same amount of affection for it as for my beloved block T. I have never really had any other the rivalry feelings for it as others have had. In fact, from their response to the bonfire tragedy, my respect started to grow. Today, I realized that it never stopped. The longhorn emblem offers me a rush of warmth and memories of a place I love. I do not claim to have any affiliation with UT but after living so close and loving that area so much, I now highly appreciate the school.

So to some of your dismay - Gig'Em Horns!

A Pinch Here and a Shake There

Here are the little things that are spicing up my life these days:

• I am LOVING the Olympics! Michael Phelps is a beast and I am SO proud of all of our athletes. I am officially hooked! Now if only I cared enough about current events as I do about the next two weeks in China....
• School is back in full swing for Katy ISD teachers. The room is coming along well and I'm sure there will be pictures within the next two weeks. It is significantly easier and more fun the second year than the first. I have some wonderful new teammates and we are enjoying getting to know each other. It is weird to be tied as the oldest member on the team!
• I finished the Mark of the Lion series on Sunday night (Thanks, Jackie!). I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone! Not only are they some of the best writing I've read in a while but they really taught me a lot about first century Christianity. The scary things was that sometimes I would forget the story wasn't set in present day (but that is another blog for another day).
• Thanks to Julie's recommendation, I started reading The Shack last night. I'll let you know how it goes.
• I am feeling more confident in choices I've made over the past six months. God is good to answer prayers and to bless us when we lean on His understanding!

The Icing on the Cake

After several less than wonderful weeks, things have turned around. The past week and a half have been so much better. The move went well, the apartment is settled, I got to work in my classroom, bible study has been amazing, new friendship continue to bloom, and this weekend, we travel to Dallas for my baby sister's first baby shower. How could things get better?

Today I drove to San Marcos and had lunch with Adrienne and Danielle. The three of us taught together my first year in San Marcos (my only year in 6th grade). No matter what happened before I got to work, the attitude that the students gave, or, on occasion, the attitude of fellow staff members, I knew that these two ladies could make me smile. They were a constant source of understanding and joy. Adrienne was upbeat and always reacted the appropriate way when needed - whether in joy or in sympathetic frustration. Her smile and optimism were contagious. Danielle always reminded me about what things were really important. She had these sayings that always made me smile because they were unique to her. Both inspired me to be a better teacher and both made me laugh in their own unique ways. They helped me remember to have a life outside of the classroom. They loved their students deeply and did their best for the kids' benefit. I would not be the teacher I am today without them. They taught me, inspired me, and built my confidence without ever knowing it.

So we sat at Chili's for an hour and a half today - catching up personally and professionally, sharing "war stories", and talking shop about new things we have learned. I was looking forward to seeing them but sitting in that booth, I realized how much I miss them both. Being so far away, I don't get to see them often so I cherish the time we had today. I'll know that I'll be making that drive a little more frequently and stepping up the email a little bit. They are too precious to not keep up with.

We said goodbye and went our own ways - Adrienne to pack for a trip to San Francisco, Danielle back to lead a training, and me back to Katy. Adrienne pulled out with a hug and a huge smile. Danielle called out "Nothin' but love". Both so perfect. It was nice to know that even though we are now all in different districts and in different positions, some things just haven't changed. They are still the women that inspire me to be a better teacher than I am. They still make me laugh and smile like no other can. They are still wonderful friends that I know I can count on in a heartbeat.

After a week of so many wonderful things, today was definitely the icing on the cake!

From Strength to Strength

Today our group finished Stepping Up: a Journey through the Psalms of Ascent. While bands of rain alternated with breaks of cloudy calm, we celebrated what we have each taken from the psalms that the Jewish pilgrims sang on their way to the feasts. Through this study and these women, my heart has new longings to look into the hidden things of God. I have a new found desire for relationship within the body and a desire to encourage and serve. I have been blessed immeasurably.

While not one of the Psalms of Ascent, I have really grown to love Psalm 84 though this study - specifically verses 5-7. God gives us strength between "a good time remembered and another good time hoped for." It is His strength that sees us through.

Here is the entire Psalm 84. I pray it is the blessing to you that it has become to me!

1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you. Selah

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob. Selah
9 Look upon our shield, O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.

The New Place

Here are a few pictures of the new place. I know that parts of it (specifically the bedroom) don't look too different from the other place but its an apartment. You do what you can. :) Enjoy!

Oh Brother!

One thing that I am constantly aware of as a single woman is being considerate of my friends significant others. If I meet a man, I make sure that I meet their wife/fiancee/girlfriend and make a point to show interest in her. However, that isn't really my greatest concern. I am very aware of the amount of time that I spend with my girlfriends and try not to take too much of their time away from their family. One of my biggest concerns is that the husbands think, "She is over here ALL of the time!" or "Her again!?" I feel very blessed that Gregg "gets" the sister thing. Not too many in-laws are as understanding as he is so I try not to take advantage of it. We have grown into a sibling relationship ourselves. That is a huge blessing since I've never had a brother and he's never had a sister. I feel the same way about my other friends' husbands as well. In San Marcos, I was always aware of Alissa needing to spend time with Jeff. I was very blessed that we got along as well. Now I am aware of Esme needing to spend time with Stephen. This is where my story starts.

On Friday night, I was talking to Esme and she spontaneously invited me to come have dinner and a movie with her family. When I got there, she and the kids were at the pool. Stephen was working on something but he visited with me for a minute before getting back to the task at hand. When Esme got home, she told me the SWEETEST thing. Being the considerate wife that she is, she called Stephen after we got off of the phone to make sure it was alright that she had extended the invitation to me. His response, "Oh yeah. That's great. She's like a sister." How great was that! It is SO nice to know that my friend's husband looks at me that way. Not that I am going to take advantage of that but it is a comfort to know that he doesn't mind my being around. It's just nice to know I have another brother.

Pray Continually

For many years, the idea of praying continually has been a mystery to me. Taken literally, the monks in silent monasteries have it right and I do not. Taken in the command to practice that spiritual discipline, it seems to lack something. So lately, I've been thinking on this verse and have reached a new level of understanding about it. I may be wrong but its what I've got today.

I have decided that in addition to prayer being a line of communication between you and God, it is also a practice of love and relationship with our brothers and sisters in Christ. It seems that lately, I must pray continually just to keep up with what Satan is dealing out to us. We carry so much of our own stuff that we have to lay at the feet of Jesus - our hope and dreams, our fears and hurts, our praise and petitions. In addition to our own stuff, there are so many things going on around us that it seems that prayer is the only way to keep up with it. Satan is out to get us and we have to fight for each other. It can be those we know dearly, those we are acquainted with, or those we've never met but our hearts break for. I find that in prayer for others, it opens my eyes to truly see them. My heart is softened to their plights and my love for them grows. It makes me less selfish as I see them more. I know that God gifts us the chance to see them through His eyes when we lay them before His throne. I have been blessed to experience the gift of being prayed over and prayed for. Time to give back in love.

The Beauty of it All

It seems that, for whatever reason, the past three or four weeks have really piled up on me. My plate has just been heaped upon and not with fun stuff like desserts. It has been filled to the brim of physical pain, illness, disappointments, and a move. It has been hard and exhausting. Yet, in the midst of it all, I saw the gift in it today at bible study.

There is NOTHING more moving and freeing than being prayed over by godly women. The prayers of spirit-filled, bold, loving sisters is one of the most beautiful gifts God has given us in this life. Women who will cry with you, laugh with you, lay hands on you, and just genuinely love you are a blessing like no other out there. That is the gift I received today. During a lengthy prayer time for all of us, a sweet sister whom I have grown to dearly love prayed over me. We all cried together and a few women put their arms and hands on me for comfort. The peace and love that flooded me was overwhelming. After the prayer, I talked to a woman whose story is mine. She has gone through the EXACT same thing that I have and she was SO encouraging. What hope!!

These women are a huge reason for a decision that I have recently made. I have decided to stay as West Houston instead of seeking a church home elsewhere. How in the world could I be anything other than thrilled with the future knowing that these women are in it with me? What a blessing to have such sisters in Christ!

Laughing Through the Pain

During one of my rest breaks yesterday, I saw this clip from Scrubs and I laughed my head off. Ted's second set of comments kills me (literally - my throat REALLY hurt)! Even if you don't like Scrubs, it is short. Enjoy!

When It Rains, It Pours....

Found out today that I have strep throat. And I'm moving on Monday. I tried to change it to Tuesday and remembered that all utilities and such are switching on Monday so it would just be too much work. So I'm sick and packing.

Please pray over the next few days....

From a Distance

I'm terrible about keeping in touch with people. I try to but I'm not anywhere as good as I should be. I love my friends (both new and old) and they leave such a lasting impression on who I am. There are very specific faces that my mind's eye sees in various times in my life. You give me the stage in life and I will tell you who I was closest to. Even if I don't touch base as often as I should, I treasure each one SO dearly in my heart. My biggest fear is that once life moves people on, I will be forgotten about or left behind. But it is a fact of life. That is what happens when life moves on. People establish new relationships and continue growing.

Somehow, that doesn't make it feel any better when you realize that you have been left behind as the group moves on together without you.

Desired Quality

A few weeks ago, I was visiting with a new friend about different bible studies, conferences, and speakers we have both experienced. She was talking about how she loves all of these things but her husband is less drawn to those things. She said she was fine with that because he was her plumbline - the one she can depend on to hold things up to as truth (as referenced in Amos 7). As she talked about that, all I could think was how sweet that was and how much I would like that one day.

You see, I am more open to listening to people and seeing what they believe. I am a very curious person and am willing to hear people out to see what they think/believe. I am grounded enough to know when a truth is spoken and when something doesn't sit well with me. However, something that I would one day like very much is someone that I can call my plumbline. I know that is the Word of God but follow me here. I would love to be with someone who encouraged me to grow and study in faith, seek a closer relationship with God, and study with me. To be able to talk about what I am learning would be SUCH a blessing. To have someone who would listen to what I'm a little unclear on but is grounded in scripture to patiently sit down and open-mindly seek truth. To discuss and study together. To listen and learn from as a partnership. To be that spiritual leader. I'm not looking for a theologian, just a student of God Himself.

I have no doubt that God will provide that for me (despite the extreme emotional ups and downs of this time of preparation by God). I await in excited anticipation of the plumbline God is preparing for me and, I pray, that He is preparing me to be!

Oh Well....

So I know that the last post wasn't exactly the most thrilling. This one isn't really either but it has a more optimistic ending. Promise!

A few weeks ago, I was in a lot of pain because of running stuff. Legs, knees, and pelvis were KILLING me. I went to see a massage therapist and it helped a little but not enough. After weeks of rest, I was feeling almost ready to head back to the group and start towards my goal - January's Half Marathon! WOO HOO! If only....

On Monday, I had the WORST lower back pains that I have ever had. Nothing was comfortable, pain was shooting to my ankle, and I had a headache that grew as the back pain grew. I've had lower back pain before but never anything like this one. It has gotten better as the week has gone on but I'm still uncomfortable. However, better to be safe than sorry so I went to the doctor today. Turns out that I had a disc slip out of place in my bottom five vertebrae. Fun stuff. Thankfully, he said that it sounds like it is slipping back in on its own so no further tests, doctors, or surgery (yes, I was worried about that one) are needed. I got some muscle relaxers that I am going to partake in as soon as this is published and that should allow for the disc to slip back in with more ease and less pain. Lots of rest and no lifting.

Great news, right!? I was pretty excited and relieved until he started discussing longer term preventative care. Basically, he said that since I have a tendency for my disc to slip and then heal itself, I need to avoid weight bearing exercise like...you guessed it - running. He told me that using an elliptical and swimming would be best but even biking would be "iffy". He didn't say stop running altogether but to cut WAY back. No more than a few times a week and shorter distances (~3 miles). Translation - no half marathon for Dana. My body has kicked me out of the race for good.

I'm pretty disappointed. I really wanted to do it! I was loving running and I felt better about myself physically, mentally, and emotionally than I have in so long. Now I'm out of it. I know that I can still run and get that feeling but the whole "working towards a goal" thing is gone. I'll miss the group I was running with. I cannot tell you how thankful I am to not have worse damage. I am SO glad to have avoided surgery or other injury. I'm just so selfish!

Definitely much to be thankful for!

Quite Crafty!

So I guess Satan saw that last post and has decided that it is his turn to have a go at me. Nothing major. Just the usual pity party/overly sensitive/physical discomfort stuff that tends to come up. It has just hit pretty hard this time. Silly things that I see and read that are striking my heart a little harder than they usually would. I feel really ridiculous to not be able to shake it off or have better control of things. Oh well, this is a light and momentary trouble, right!? :)

After the Fire Came a Gentle Whisper

I am amazed at the way that the Lord works and how He speaks to us. So many people experience it so many different ways. I am in awe! A friend and I were discussing it last night. I told her that the way that I often hear Him is in constant reminders throughout my day - a person repeatedly comes to mind, a verse is called to mind at random moments, or a specific song is played each time I turn on my radio. The other way is when reading familiar scriptures and a text takes on a sudden new meaning that I have missed in the first 28 years of my reading. It blows me away!

The thing about seeing God's work is that, for me, it is never enough. Lately I have been praying for open spiritual eyes and ears all around me - especially when studying. God has been good and has blessed me immensely. He has been faithful to reveal Himself as all knowing on a very personal level not only about me present but about my past and my future. He is teaching me what it means to approach His throne of grace with CONFIDENCE and to anticipate Him in exciting ways. He has also been revealing truths to me about who I am what I need. I have been presented with challenges about prayer and knowing scripture that I look forward to working to meet. I know He'll meet me there.

It has been a good two weeks!

Up to My Eyeballs!

I have always been a reader. One downside to being a teacher is that for nine months a year, those personal indulgence things that you love get put off to the side. Well, in April, I decided that asking for a few minutes a night to read wasn't asking too much. Silly me forgot that I get totally engrossed in books, hit my stride, and look up two hours later shocked by what time it is. That isn't good for during the school year but I'm loving it this summer! I've knocked out more books in the past couple of months that I have in the past couple of years combined! It's SO nice to just read! I currently feel like Dad because I have a stack of books to read (10 to be exact) and they are all good sized novels. My goal is one a week. We will see.....

I've always been relatively proud of being a well rounded reader. At the same time, I have been a little bit of a snob towards one genre - Christian fiction. For some reason, I thought it would be less than other genres, filled with gooshiness and less than quality writing. Thankfully, I have been corrected in that area! How foolish of me to think that God wouldn't use that talent for Himself let alone bless others through it! I've read a couple of stand alone books, started on a GREAT series called "The Yada Yada Prayer Group", and am about to start the "Mark of the Lion" series (Thanks, Jackie!). I'm excited!

So if anyone has any authors or specific novels in this genre, let me know. I'm new to this one and loving it!

Keeping Our Eyes Open

Over the weekend, I got to spend two hours visiting with my Jackie. What a blessing! We usually don't get much more than a "Hello" at church but this time - two uninterrupted hours of just us. God knew I needed it! At one point I mentioned my friend Esme and how her family is going back to South Africa to open a Christian school in a poverty stricken city. I mentioned that this is what they feel called to do. Jackie said that she didn't know what her calling was and I agreed in feeling the same way.

On the way back yesterday, I thought about that some more. How many of us know what we have been called to do here on earth? Sure, we know our jobs that we do to earn a living but what about our specific roles in the kingdom of God? Honestly, I have NO idea what God has for me to do and it is frustrating some days. I feel like I should be doing something but I have no idea what it is.

It is easy for me to see where other people's talents lie but I struggle with seeing my own. Maybe that is the point. We need to look out for each other to help point in the right direction. In my running, I've thought a lot about how well I did in Jr. High. I was running seven minute miles (which now seems very fast) without any coaching or training. I was one of the top five in my grade level. How come the coaches didn't encourage me to do something with that? How come they just let me pick something menial to do but never even suggested that I pursue something that I was good at? Maybe I could have been really good if someone would have taken the time to work with me on it. Maybe I would have loved it then like I do now. I look back and that is 14 years that I lost because no one stepped up to point out something that I was good at and mentor me to better that skill. And that is just running!

Are we the same way? Do we see talents in others, just notice it, and walk on? Or do we take time to try to help each other grow a gift from God to be used for God? Do we see where others can be used and ignore it or do we step up to help each other learn to use their gifts from God?

I know what I would appreciate!

My Love Language

A few years ago, I had the pleasure of reading "The Five Love Languages" but Gary Chapman. It was SO eye opening and really helped me to see how people express and receive love in the most sincere ways. The five that he presented were: Words of Affection, Time, Service, Gifts, and Physical Touch. He also stated that to find your love language, look at how you show love to others and that is how you receive it best. You usually have two dominate languages. I've often wondered what my love language is and about a week ago, someone just outright asked me. I honestly can say that I didn't know. Now, I definitely do.

I've decided that one of my love languages is physical touch. I LOVE hugs, holding hands, patting/scratching backs, playing with hair.... It is the best! Now that I know that, it explains SO much! I cannot wait to hold, rock, hug, tickle my soon coming sweet little niece. I just hope she likes me as much as I already adore her! I cannot be around my sweet students without showering them with hugs, holding their hands, and wanting to let them it on my lap when they are crying. Looking back, the students that I have not felt close to are the ones that did not like to be touched. I never noticed that until VERY recently. It also explains why I've felt a closer connection in some relationships than others. In my SAP training a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to hug everyone that shared something difficult in our group. I have been able to see a college friend many times in the past couple of weeks. It has been filled with hugs, laughter, and just good talking. The best part have been the hugs. No one can give a hug like Mark. Given the chance, there are certain people that I would hug to show appreciation to if I only had the chance to meet them.

Here's the catch with this love language though - it can't be from just anyone. Since it is a love language, there is a level of intimacy and relationship that goes along with it. I don't want some random stranger coming up to be and giving me this HUGE hug. I've been visiting a new church on Sunday and Wednesday evenings. We had a cookout last weekend and as everyone was leaving, one of the people I have hung out with a little more gave me an awkward hug. It threw me off like you would NOT believe.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Today I head to San Marcos to see some friends and I know there will be LOTS of hugs tonight!! Then on Friday, down to Pleasanton. Hugs galore. I don't know what I'll do with all of the love!

Pompeii

About three months ago, I heard about an exhibit they had on display called "Pompeii". It was showing jewelry, frescoes, mosaics, daily items, and casts of people that were excavated from the sight of the Mount Vesuvius eruption in 79 A.D. I decided that I really wanted to see it so yesterday I checked it off of my "Things I want to do this year" list.

As I walked among the displays, I found myself thinking so many different things. First, I saw the horrors of those caught my the eruption. In the 1800s, plaster was used to create casts of the people found at the sight. While a few were very detailed, most were not. You could tell it was a person but no detail was present. Two gripped me the most. One was a grown man squatting with his back to the wall and his face in his hands. He was found in a public gym trying to escape the blast. I couldn't see much detail but he looked to resigned to what was coming. He was just waiting for the end. The other was one that had more detail. It was a child. You could see more detail in this face than in any other face. The fear and shock were heartbreaking. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. There were other casts that broke my heart as well but these two really stood out for me. What tragedy!

The greater thought was that this happened just after Christ was here on earth and the New Testament was being written. I saw household idols, statues/frescoes of the gods, and the culture that early Christians were surrounded by. I saw actual coins with various emperors' faces. The one that took me aback the most was Nero's. I saw a handful of silver coins and thought that this is what Judas traded our Lord for. I saw denarii and thought about so many references to the Bible. I saw oil lamps and thought about the ten virgins and the light in the house. I thought about John on Patmos just a short distance from this sight. What in the world must he have been thinking when this happened as he was penning the Revelation? But the thought that crossed my mind the most was how wrong my mindset of those times were. When I think about biblical times, I think about deserts and primitive life. I forget that Jesus taught in small towns but was surrounded by very modern things. I forget about the baths, highly skilled doctors and women that owned property/businesses. These were things that Jesus was a contemporary of. This was Jesus world.

I was expecting to enjoy this exhibit but I was in no way prepared for what I saw. Coming out of it was surreal but I'll post on that later. I'm so glad that I went. If you are interested in seeing parts of the exhibit, go to www.mfah.org and click on Pompeii: Tales from an Eruption before June 22. It doesn't show everything but you can see pictures of some things on display. It doesn't do justice but you'll get the idea.

Reflections

This is something that I have been thinking about for a while now. I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about friends and friendships. I've considered those that I have had in the past and those that I yearn for in the future. I think about my inability to keep up with those that live far away and what that could mean if I don't maintain communication better.

Throughout all of this, I've noticed how life has led us all down different paths. Job changes, relationship changes, location changes, attitude/personality changes... I've been humbled by some and surprised by others. I look back on what I thought life would look like down the road and now I am amazing by how wrong I have been. The roads that life has brought us all down have curved, straightened, risen, and fallen. Who knew?

But I know the one who knew. I can look back at a crossroads and see where He started forking the roads for us all. Some happened gradually over time and others so suddenly. Only in hindsight can I see His hand. I'm thankful for the review mirror that shows me the works that I missed.

I'm not sad about this. I'm amazed that after all of the planning or visions built up, life has led so many different ways. And even through it all, we find ourselves bound to each other.

If Only They All Started This Way....

Today has started off SO well! If only everyday was like this one! I started off the day with our second time trial of the season. For the first time trial (about 5 weeks ago), I ran a mile in 10:14. I was excited about that time because I hadn't run a mile for a time in about 15 years. Today, I ran my mile in 9:13!!! In five weeks, I have shaved off one whole minute!! WOO HOO! Then core work went very well.

After the run, I walked with a few ladies to a place called The Daily Grind for breakfast. We spent a leisurely two and a half hours at breakfast. We talked about everything from family to houses, jobs to nutrition, other countries to dogs. It was SO nice to just sit and visit with the women without having to worry about time or to rush off. What a rare treat. We don't just sit and enjoy each other anymore. I am thankful being able to do that today!

Then, after getting back to my aunt and uncle's house, I took the dogs for a walk. We went around the neighborhood and followed it up with some relaxing in the yard.

Now it is up to the shower and then a lesson from my bible study. This afternoon looks like a quick nap and a good book before dinner and church.

I am spoiled rotten!

Freedom of Speech?

After a run, we all head back to base to do core work. Since switching to the morning group, I have grown to really look forward to and dread this time. You would think that it was because of the difficult stretching and exercising after running hills for 25 minutes. However, you are wrong. There are these older men in our group that love to talk. Three white haired, late 60s/early 70s men. Sometimes, they just let Sean have it. They let him know exactly what they think about each exercise, its duration, and its difficulty. Every once in a while, when they get really loud, Sean will respond. On days like this, they are SO funny! I think that everyone doing core work needs to laugh while they do it. Laughing intensifies the work out.

Then there are days like today. We all stay in about the same spot for core work. There is a lady near them that they have really taken to. At first, it was in innocent comment here and there. Today, their real comfort came out in some VERY caddy, offensive talk. The only thing slightly more shocking than their comments was the laughter and egging on that the woman did. It was too much.

Between their yelling at Sean and talking to the woman, I found myself wondering - When did it become OK to say exactly what you are thinking? No matter if it is giving a friend a hard time or letting someone of the opposite sex know what you think about how they look, it seems that older folks get away with more. If that is the case, what age does it become alright to speak your mind so openly?

Just curious...

Big Ears = Big Hearts

This week I was blessed beyond measure to attend a training called Student Assistance Program (SAP). For three days, we learned how to facilitate small student groups on everything from substance abuse (theirs or someone else's), grief/trauma/loss, social skills, family issues, bullying, etc. It wasn't counseling but more of a way to allow students to express themselves in a safe place and to teach them how to handle emotions in a healthy way. Part of our training was to take part in a SAP group. For seven sessions, I met with women that I had never met before and discussed a wide range of topics. The experience cleansed me and helped me to see my life in a whole new way.

One thing that SAP teaches is that while one person speaks, everyone else is silent. No words of approval or condemnation. No sounds of any kind, no advise. Nothing but listening. That in itself was the hardest but the best thing that I learned all week long. Sometimes you just need someone to listen. I've learned that in our desire to help, we often do more harm than good. Being able to have someone truly hear you and not put their two cents in is such a blessing. It allowed me to listen to myself and what I was saying. It allowed me to say things that I have never vocalized before because I was afraid of people's reactions. In listening, there was no reaction to worry about. In listening, I learned that we are SO much more alike than we are different! In listening, we show that we really do care!

I walk away from this week freer than I have felt in so long. Emotionally and physically, I feel lighter. Chapters are closed and the only way I see is forward. Even though this is not its intended context, I have a greater appreciation for James 1:19 - "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry,"

Stop Doubting and Believe!

In the past few months, the idea of believing in God and actually believing Him have been a reoccurring thought. Yes, I do believe in Him and what He says but do I actually believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that all things will come to pass? For a while I would answer 100% "YES!" Then this morning, I realized that my "YES!" has turned into a tiny "yes?"

I have lately slipped into the dangerous lands of the pity party. You know - table for one. I've been looking at many aspects of my life and, unfortunately, I can see where I have slowly started giving up hope for what lies ahead. I have started accepting present realities as permanent instead of looking at what is to come. The scariest part of all is that as I have begun to slip into silent acceptance, I have become just that in prayer - silent. There are things that I have not prayed about in quite a while because I have forgotten that God does not desire for me to stay where I am or who I am. I've lost sight that He desires my growth and change in Him. He may not have in store what I hope for but that doesn't mean that I stop seeking and asking. He never desires stagnation or acceptance in the face of defeat. He asks for more. He asks for anticipation of the unknown and unshakable faith that KNOWS He has more in store. Even though it is scary and hard, whatever the outcome is, He steadys us for it in prayer.

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." - Psalm 27:14

Plugging Another Blog

Last night at church, I ran into an old friend. This is definitely another post for another day but I just have time for a quick one right now. Throughout the course of catching up and shooting the breeze, he plugged a blog that I knew I had to check out. I looked at it today and I am hooked. I know that this blog thing is getting out of hand for me but this one is SO worth it! I thought about my dear friends Jeff and Alissa when I read them because I can totally see their humor in it. It is called "Stuff White People Like". If you cannot laugh at yourself or stereotypes about middle class white America, this is not the blog for you. It is SO funny, sarcastic, and, in most cases for me, hits the nail on the head. There is a lot on it so I click on the full list tab at the top and pick a topic. The topics range all over the place (Indie Music and Bumper Stickers are my favorite so far). There are a few that are not right on but I can still laugh and appreciate them for the generalities that they provide. My favorite part of each topic is the "helpful hint" part of the post for how to get in good with the white person. Check it out (linked on the side of my blog under PostSecret).

Date!

No - not the kind you are thinking.... I was just writing and I noticed today's date: 06/07/08. How fun is that!

I am such a nerd!

A Post for Dad

From before I can remember, Dad has been a subscriber to National Geographic. I've never really gotten into it or understood it. Every time I looked at an issue (which wasn't often), it was to see the cool pictures. At work, I've often used some of their films to show my students the interesting animals that are a rarity in our world.

Now that I am on my own and have a wide range of cable channels, I often find myself watching the National Geographic channel. It isn't something that I seek out but if I'm looking at the guide and something catches my eye, I flip over or DVR it. I've learned that there are quite a few very cool things to watch. There is one show called "Is It Real?" that explores folklore and tales for validity. On my DVR right now is about an archaeological dig and finding as they relate to Stonehenge. Ever since Dr. Long's class at LCU, I've been interested in archeology. It is SO interesting to see what culture was like. National Geographic does such an amazing job on sharing these things in easy to understand levels.

Through watching several shows, I've learned that I am a two-faced fan of National Geographic. I am intrigued by their findings in the natural and archaeological worlds but I have a hard time watching anything they do related to the Bible. I've tried to watch a few things but I end up getting upset or just frustrated. I'm confused by this. How can I take such a trusting view of so many subjects and then reject so much of what they say about biblical findings? If feels hypocritical to like one aspect and disregard another. I guess looking at truth through skeptical eyes makes me skeptical about the source.

I think I'll stick with Stonehenge for now.

Reassurance at the Bar

Over the past 24 hours I have become incredibly aware of the fact that in 19 short months I will be turning 30. Now I know that this is premature and those of you that are well past 30 may be shaking your heads. However, I'm beginning to think that it won't be that exciting of an event for me. I've had all kinds of thoughts racing around in my thick skull about where I am in life vs. where I thought I would be by now. Even though I really do have a good life and I know I am where God wants me, I still have that nag that I have somehow gotten in my own way. However, God is faithful in the funniest of ways.

Today was my last day for the school year. The room is boxed and moved. I am banned from working on it for about 6 weeks. To celebrate, I decided not to cook but to call something in for dinner. The restaurant that I ordered from had pick up in the bar area. As I went that way, God blessed me and made me laugh. Yep - in the bar.

So I went to get my order and I noticed that there were several older people enjoying happy hour. All but one had silver hair and were obviously good friends. They were very cute and I watched them the whole 5 minutes I was there. The bartender was very nice and seemed to have a relationship with them. He was obviously good at his job. On the end where I picked up my food was a woman in about her mid to late 40s. All I can say is that the girl was working it (or at least trying to). She took long drags from a cigarette and attempted seductive looks towards the bartender. Either he was oblivious or just let it go. I think it was the second. Anyway.... She tried so hard to strike up conversation. My personal favorites were when she asked him, "So, you ever been on Craig's List?" as if it were the hip, cool place. He just smiled and said that he thought he had heard of it. He then turned his attention to my food and bill. Then less than a minute later, a new song hit the radio. Her response was to sit up straighter and sway on her stool. "Don't you love this song!? It's Madonna and Justin Timberlake. It's a very sexy song" Once again, the bartender took her in stride with a smile and a, "That's not really my type of music."

Poor lady. She was SO clueless! She reeked of desperation. As I thanked the bartender and walked away with my dinner, I couldn't help but smile. I wanted to complement to guy on his tact and politeness - I was very impressed. At the same time, I wanted to shake her. At almost 30, no matter how much I may doubt myself and the unknown of what may lie ahead, I haven't reached that point yet. Thank goodness! I said a prayer of thanks as I got in the car. Thanks for a head on my shoulders and a shred of self respect. God will provide in His time - even if it is just reassurance in the bar of a restaurant.