Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I've been in a bit of a blogging freeze. Everything I have to write about seems too personal to put on a blog and everything that is OK to put on a blog gets trumped by something coming up that is too personal to put on a blog. It's happened again but I'm going to try to give you a new post. I've been told its time. :)
This year, I have really struggled with my job. I still love my students but the politics, changes, and parenting (of the students and parents) is starting to get old. If I could just teach my students, I would still love it. For now, I'm not. I've questioned myself as to why its so difficult this year as opposed to past years many times. I've gone back and forth but here's what it comes down to:
There are so many more important things kids need to know that what I'm teaching them.
I'm sure we have all heard of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Basically, if their basic needs are not being met, nothing else will make an impact. If they do not have food, shelter, love, and security, then I'm basically running in circles. And that is what I feel like I'm doing this year - running in circles. It's making me tired.
In my class, I have students on behavior charts because they are so attention driven that they do anything to get my attention - because they don't get it at home. I have kids that freak out when I'm not there because I'm the only adult that is a constant in their life. Some students don't know what a dad looks like. Other students have parents that ask me how to raise their child. I'm single with no kids! What advice do I have to give that carries any weight?
These are the important things - love, food, shelter, and security. Instead, I'm stuck making sure minutes are met on computer programs, filling out mountains of paperwork, and trying to plan about 20 different activities a day (for once, I'm not exaggerating). So as much as I want to meet these basic needs, I can't. Since those needs aren't met, nothing else matters. I know how I sound - like a grump. I really do love my students this year but feel like I don't have time to show it.
Above all of this, I see the most important thing missing - Jesus. So many of them have no idea. I have the most important person they will ever need to know and my hands are tied. If they ask, I answer. However, I can't look them in the eyes and share the greatest learning there is. Some of them talk about Him time to time but overall, its nothing real. This year more than any other, that is deeply bothering me. I can teach them about a plant but not about its Creator. I can teach them to add and subtract but not about the Multiplier of fish and bread. I can teach them how to read but not about the One who read in the temple courts. I can teach them to be good people but not about the One who sat on a mountain and taught social justice. I can love them but I cannot tell them about Love in the flesh. I can be a teacher but I can't tell them about the greatest Teacher.
So at the end of the day, what was it worth? I'm not saying that teaching is a bad profession. I still believe that knowing how to read and problem solve can change a life. But what good does it do if they still don't know Jesus?
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Last night, Erin and I got a glimpse at what I hope and pray a bit of heaven will be like. We worshipped with a band that has deeply effected both of our lives - Hillsong United. OH! MY! GOODNESS! I didn't want to do a list but I'm having difficulty putting my experience into words that flow.
- Hillsong United gives us the most honest, heartfelt songs to worship with this side of heaven. You can't sing them half heartedly. They will undo you and rebuild you at the same time. These men and women know who God is, what our freedom in Him looks like, and the responsibility that comes with that freedom. I know God loves them because He uses them powerfully.
- Lord willing I get married one day, I want him to be a man that has the passion for Jesus that these people have.
- I don't care what anyone says - The presence of God is tangible. He absolutely inhabits the praise of His people!
- I love watching God love my sister. I love watching my sister love God. I love loving our God with my sister.
- As powerful as "With Everything" has been in my life, singing it last night took it to a whole new level. I can't wait to sing it when I am not bound by my humanity.
- I already miss worshipping with them. ALOT!