Friday, February 08, 2013

Sticking up for the Guys

I am a 33 year old single woman. Just to clarify - when I say single, I mean s..i.n.g.l.e.  I won't tell you how long it's been since I've been asked on a date because I would like to save just a hair of dignity.  As this is the case, I've been privy to a subculture that is unlike any I've ever experienced before: the singles Christian group.  This is a unique group on which I fully believe studies should be done.  I've been in groups of five and in groups of 5,000.  I'm not exaggerating either extreme.  Even more unique is one subset of this group - single Christian women.  Ladies, with all of the love I can muster, this one is for you.  Actually, this one is for us.

I know it's hard to be single.  I know it's frustrating to look around and see our single friends have her heart broken or to see a guy not follow through.  I know what it is to have both of those happen.  I know it feels good to vent.  I know it feels easier to talk about the men around us not stepping up.  I've heard it all - Single Christian men are not fulfilling their calling as leaders.  They lead us on.  They are afraid or weak.  I've heard this in frustration, heartache, anger, and bitterness.  This is only the tip of what I've heard.  I've heard this come from the quietest girl to the most bold.  I've even been known to partake in this conversation.

However over the past year, I find myself asking - What are we saying about the men in our lives?  More importantly, what are they hearing from us?

The more I hear this conversation take place, I can't help but think about how we are sounding to men.  I don't know one man that has heard this conversation and been inspired towards change.  I don't know one man that has been drawn to a woman because of these words.  I haven't spoken to one man who has felt encouraged or respected by this discourse.

I understand, ladies.  I truly do.  However, I think we need to stop and examine ourselves.  We need to  be women that speak highly of the men around us - when they are present and when they are not.  We need to show them respect with our words.  They are our friends and brothers.  We need to be women that these men would be proud to have in their lives - as friends and sisters.  Let's be for our men, not against them.  I'm not saying that we don't feel those frustrations or that we bury our feelings but that we show honor to the men around us with our words.  I think that the words we speak about the men around us says more about us than it does about them.

At the end of the day, let's be women that inspire, encourage, and build up.  Let's be women that speak words seasoned with salt.  Let's be loving women.  We can do it, ladies - for them and for us.