Days Four, Five, and Six: The Retreat

This weekend was the Ladies Retreat for the women of West Houston church of Christ. We went to Lake Tomahawk just outside of Livingston, TX. The theme of the weekend was based on the book and video series "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas. It was a good weekend. For most, it was the beginning of something that God started doing in my life about a month ago. It was exciting to watch these women starting to take these leaps of faith, knowing what they will experience in days to come. God is amazing at changing lives!!! Here is a brief rundown on surprises day by day:

Day 4: Friday - Shutting Down and Opening Up

I was very pleasantly surprised to actually make it away from school and to the church on time. School has a tendency to suck me in and consume my time. Yet, my alarm on my phone went off and out the door I walked. Everything wasn't done but I left the guilt there with what I'll pick up on Monday morning. Then, I arrived at the church and got on the bus on time. Anyone who knows me will see the surprise in that! :)

As we joined together for our first session, I noticed that I have come into a season of joy and anticipation. After years of healing and selfishness, God has now deemed it fit that it is time to celebrate and move on to the next level. This was given by our theme verse for the weekend, I Peter 2:2-3, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk so that you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."

Can I just say, I have tasted that the Lord is good!!! In all ways and in all things, God is good! Now that I can say and embrace this about all seasons and experiences, it is again time to move on again. I have no idea what that is but right now I am very excited about the unknown.

Day 5: Saturday - Redeemed

For years, I have heard the name Redeemer. While there have been many times that a theological definition has been given, yesterday was the first personal experience I have had with deeply knowing that I have a personal Redeemer and what that means.

We started the day off with quiet time and I chose a place on the lake. The fog was a thin layer over the lake, swirling and lifting as if turned by the fingers of God Himself. It made me think about the image of the Spirit hovering over the waters in the beginning.

As I sat and stared at it, one verse kept running through my mind - Ecclesiastes 3:11 - "He has made everything beautiful in its time." The Spirit began to speak over me that this is what redemption is. God has not only been there with me and seen every hurt, disappointment, and struggle, but He has healed it and now is making it beautiful. This beauty is taking something Satan intended for evil and making it something He can use for His purpose. I'm learning that everything that happens, God will use it for His glory and for His people. I'm beginning to see a pattern to some quiet times I've been having (see day 1).

Now not only am I seeing redemption in my life but in those lives around me. I'm seeing relationships healed, hearts changed, spiritual eyes opening, mighty works being performed, and people taking risks for Him. Redemption is God calling His people out of a place complacency and drawing them back to Him.

Day 6: Sunday - Famous

Today's surprise is short. One simple line but it has run through my mind all day. It is a truth that is now a prayer. We will see how it plays out because right now, I have no idea what God will do with it.

I want to make God's fame known on this earth.

Day Three: Contemplation

One thing that I find amazing is how alike we all are when you get down to it. Yes, there are significant differences but when I see myself in someone else, it makes me smile. This morning I sat down to read the day's chapter and found myself chuckling. Terry Esau works in the music world. He scores music for companies, radio slots, and commercials. He is a competitive bike rider and a father of three. He has a unique view of the world. I honestly think that the only thing we might have in common is this experiment. Yet, as I sat down and opened the book, I found my thoughts in his words. Here is what we were both thinking this morning: This is hard! As a human with ideas of how things should be, it is hard to be open to "whatever" without some opinions on what that "whatever" will look. For example, I would love to tell you that today I had this HUGE ah-ha moment or experience but I didn't. There is nothing that I love more than when God blows my mind but those moments are reserved for His purposes, not mine. So I wait on Him remembering that this is a 30 day thing, not 3. In the waiting, that is where I think that the meat of this experience is taking place.

The whole concept of this is to wait on God. It is to put yourself aside and just be open to His will, His plan, His way. So I find myself looking for Him in everything all day long. Along the way, I'm getting all of these mini-lessons throw at me. Here are a couple of examples from today:

- One of my students kind of drives me nuts. It really isn't her fault. She is an active child, unable to focus and it is really hurting her education. She is a sweet girl but just wears me out in every way. But she has been entrusted to me this year so we'll see how it plays out. Anyway, we had an assembly today and she got to sit by me "so she could see" (and would be within arms reach if need be). She was WONDERFUL! Apparently, literally sitting at my feet and leaning on my legs is very soothing to her. Made me remember that sitting at the feet of God can have the same affect of me. Not asking anything but just sitting, leaning, and being in His presence. I've got to do that more often!

- A little girl earned a reward and when I told her what it was, she started crying and told me that she didn't want THAT reward. She wanted something else. It got all over me and made me so irritated! Immediately, I was slapped with the thought that isn't that what I sometimes do to God? He blesses me when He is under no obligation and I just complain that it isn't what I wanted. I can be such a brat....and He loves me anyway!

- As I input grades into the grade book, I found that I was super excited when a struggling kid got a 70 on an assignment and when a high achieving kid got a 100, I just shrugged it off as expected. It made me think about the story of the angels rejoicing over the lost one that was found rather than the 99 saved. I then thought about how much I need to be like that - honoring and celebrating the growth rather than the expected.

- I have also found myself praying some pretty surprising things. Last night, I was driving home from church listening to the song I posted a week ago ("Something Big" by John Waller). I found myself overwhelmed again and I heard myself pray that I am tired of being in His way. I'm tired of putting myself in the way of what He wants to do. What made my eyes shoot open was not so much the words I was praying but the sincerity behind them. I fully believe that the biggest thing in the way is me and I'm tired of it!

So that is day three. Tomorrow I am leaving right after work to head to the ladies retreat so I won't post again until Sunday. Something else that Esau and I agree on is that writing about the day is nearly the most significant part of the day. It helps to process what has gone on. It feels like God is whispering what He thought was most important for me to remember from the day. So that is why these posts are so long. Enjoy your three days to get through this one. The next one will cover at days 4, 5, and 6. It's sure to be a novel.

Day Two: The Email

Before talking about today, I have to mention something from last night. It isn't intended as a guilt trip so if it come across that way, I apologize in advance.

Michelle and I were walking out the door to head to bible study when my phone chimed. I had just received a text from Erin telling me she wasn't making it to bible study. I was immediately bummed. Even though we haven't really had the opportunity to discuss it like studies in the past, one of my favorite parts of Tuesday nights has always been to talk about it afterwards. Yes, Mom gets a summary of the night's lesson on my drive home but its not the same as talking about it with someone who was there. And who better to talk about it with that the person who knows you better than just about anyone? So I was bummed but I got over it and study was good (obviously).

Fast forward to this morning. The kids were doing the calendar thing and I took advantage of the time to quickly check my email. Sitting in my inbox was an email from Erin. This is not anything surprising or out of the blue. I get emails from her at least once a week at school. This one was different though. From the way that the screen is laid out, the first thing my eyes saw was, "I have to tell you this and I'm not sure why but after reading your blog post I am compelled to do so." Ok...insight into Dana: Telling me that you feel compelled about anything makes me take significant notice - especially when you don't know why. In my mind, compelled means "burdened by God." Whether you agree with that definition or not, that has been my experience as the one compelled to share and as the receiver. So, needless to say, my students faded into the background and I was focused. My Erin then went on to speak such sweet words over me that I had tears in my eyes (I do again just remembering it). Everything that I would have wanted to talk to her about after last night's lesson was laid out before me in writing. It was a written affirmation that I was not off in left field with where the lesson had taken me. However, more significantly, it was SUCH a gift to my heart to know that even though we were not there together in study, we have a bond that allows us to speak directly into each other's hearts. She may not feel the same way but she is used that way in my life. I don't know that I would call the email this morning a surprise but definitely an affirmation and significant reminder that my heart apparently needed.

Day One: Entrusted and Trusting

I have decided over the next 30 days that I will be actually getting up when my alarm clock goes off (instead of snoozing too long) to read the daily entry in Terry Esau's book. This morning, mission accomplished and I am SO thankful I did! Coming into this, I was thinking things like, "What if nothing happens?" or "What if I miss it?" It was good to know that I was in good company. Esau's first entry was along those lines - concerns that a day will be ordinary and that nothing significant will jump out at him. Or even worse, something will happen and he'll miss it. He chronicled his day and the ordinary moments where he saw God. Nothing earth shattering but God in his everyday. Yes, there may be days where God knocks my socks off in this but He is in every moment, even when it is routine. And isn't that the point?

My day was much the same. Followed the regular Tuesday schedule with no bumps or out of the blue incidents. The same things that make me laugh, make me chuckle today. The same things that irritate me, irritated me today. However, dinner with some co-workers was really good (almost hated to end it) and two of us cleared the parking lot after bible study sharing concerns and passions for our curriculum/students. Then it ended with the most adorable pictures of my sweet niece that will make your heart melt. She looks like her beautiful mother in many of them! Erin is getting good with that camera!

Yet, starting this experiment on a Tuesday means starting it on a bible study day. Of course, there are blessings each week when that time is invested! So here was the overall themes to tonight's ah-ha moments for me (also known as today's surprise).

Tonight, we talked about the boundary lines that have been placed around our lives. The areas that hem us in and help define who we are, per se. They were intimacy with God, our past (specifically our hurts and pains), our life experiences (everything that we have been through, where we have been, and the things that make us who we are), and our spiritual gifts. We looked at each one in depth but one common theme rang in my ears with each point: I have been entrusted with each of these things. God has redeemed me and found me worthy of the experiences that define who I am. He has entrusted every moment, every experience, every characteristic, everything that makes me tick. He has given me these things not only to define me but to use me. Every joy and sorrow, when sanctified by Him, can be used for His glory. And that is a humbling thought!

For a few months now, I've been thinking on something. There is a part of my testimony that I do not share. In fact, VERY few people have heard it. I am very private about it because it is shared with another person. To share this part of my past means sharing very personal things about that individual. I am very aware of this and try to be very considerate of that. So, I don't share it. However....a few months ago, I was listening to another woman share her story and it sounded significantly like mine. I approached her afterwards and told her that I appreciated her sharing that. Her response really got to me. She told me that everytime she tells her story, more women come to her and share that they have been secretly carrying the same burden/hurts. There is a growing need for people to be a support for individuals that have been where we have walked. She said that while not everyone will give public testimonies, more people need to be open to helping people deal with this situation. I've been thinking about this since October and I have a feeling that at some point, I will be called upon to share that part of my past with someone else. Tonight, it was all over my mind as I listened and took notes. I have no idea when, who, or how but I know that God entrusted that experience in my past to me so that He could do something with it at some point. So right now, I'm beginning to trust that He will not only finish redeeming it for me, but will cause it to work for the good. So we will see in days to come how this will turn out. Until then, I am humbled to be entrusted with such a task and trusting that when the time comes, it will not be me at all doing the work but the One who redeems!

What's to Come

Before I get to the point of this post, can I just say.... I bought a cd for the first time in years yesterday and I sang/danced to it all the way home. I do love me some Israel and New Breed! How can anyone listen to that praise and sit still!? I seriously think that this was the music that David danced to before the Lord!

Moving on....

Tomorrow I am starting something new. A friend recommended a book a few weeks ago called Surprise Me by Terry Esau. The premise behind the book is that Esau decided to spend one month seeking God rather than putting himself before God. What that looked like for him was that his first and main prayer of the day was simply, "Surprise me, God". Then, throughout the day, he would look for God at work in everything from the mundane to the pivotal. The book is not only his personal journal of the 30 days but also a dare for others to complete the same experiment. I'm going to take the challenge and for 30 days, I'm going to pray "Surprise me, God". For each of the 30 days, I'm going to post what happens. I have no idea what to expect except that God will be there. What better way to spend a month? So stay tuned........

Verse 4

"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy...." - Jude 24

I truly don't know what could be better! I have a God that LOVES me like crazy! He shows this by making sure that I have a solid foundation of love so I will not fall. He keeps me from falling prey to Satan's schemes, from falling victim to my own undoing, or falling to my knees before any false gods. Then, He takes it a step further. He is doing all this so He can introduce me to His Father, pure and holy, excitement bubbling over! In my mind, it looks like having your new love introduce you to his parents - hopeful anticipation and sure of how much they will adore "the one". And that is how God sees me! If that doesn't make a girl giggle, I don't know what will! I can't wait to meditate on that for two weeks!

My Life in Ten Blessings

On facebook, Beth Mainard wrote a note about how God has blessed her life. She challenged us to think on such things and share 15 blessings from our own lives. I did it in 10 for my own personal reflection but thought I would share it as well. This is quite long but I won't be posting for a little while so take your time (if you dare). Here is my life in blessings:

1. I was blessed to be born into a home where God was present. One of my first pictures is of my first Sunday at church because it was such a significant part of who my parents were. I grew up saying prayers a dinner and bed time. We sang VBS/Sunday school songs at home and in the car. My grandmother’s cross stitch of Jesus Loves Me hung on my wall. As the years went on, our songs sometimes turned into discussions and, at times, debates. I have a sister who has stood by me through thick and thin. She is my best friend sand the greatest gift I have been given on this earth. She has brought even more of love by way of family to me. God was present from my early years.

2. I grew up in a fairly conservative church. While I have both embraced and struggled with this throughout various years in my life, I will forever be thankful for it. The men and women in the church introduced me to the majority of the scripture that I know today. They taught me how to use my bible, how to internalize what I studied, and how to not be ashamed of it. The body taught me about loving others and serving even when you are tired. The taught me how to stick with it even when things get hard because that is what a real family does. I learned about the church as a family.

4. I had a wonderful youth group. We didn’t go on mission trips or campaigns. What we did do was keep each other out of a lot of stereotypical teenage trouble. Sure, there were broken windows/lights/trampolines/doors/etc, playing in the church building when we should not have been, and a whole list of other things. However, we were safe and accepted together. Our parents trusted us together. Eventually, we were able to get a bible study going that lasted a good while. Not many people had that and I am forever thankful for them.

5. I started my college career at Lubbock Christian University. This is where I feel in love with the Old Testament. I had a professor named Dr. Jesse Long. I have never again had a professor who had such an impact on me. My eyes were opened to the humanity of the people God called out and loved deeply. I learned to thirst for the words of the prophets. In the pages of our history, I began to see God for who He is. He may never know it but Dr. Long significantly changed my spiritual life. If for no other reason, I know God led me to LCU to have that part of my heart unlocked.

6. After a semester at LCU, I knew it wasn’t where I needed to be. For the first time in my life, I truly believe that I felt a nudging from the Lord, took a step of faith, and left LCU without a college to transfer into. For months I waited on the Lord before he gave me a “Yes” to A&M. God gave me a small taste of what it would eventually mean to wait on the Lord.

7. My time at A&M opened my eyes to a world of passionate, person relationships with God. I saw what it means to desire Him from a wide assortment of people and authors. For the first time, I understood what it means to grow your own faith. The years to come would hold conversations that I am sure startled my parents at times. My questions and beliefs have built up new relationships and caused others to end. In the end, God is a purifier and I have full faith that He is working all things out for His perfect and pleasing will.

8. In His great wisdom, God saw fit that I should be humbled and shown exactly what I have been saved from. For a time, God allowed me to experience a pit, closely followed by His grace, and His mercy. He taught me about His timing and control. He showed me what He meant when he said that His ways are higher than mine. (Glory!)

9. In the past year and a half, God has been working with me on trust in all things. From where He would lead me to live, to where He would have me work, to the church He would draw me to, and then the times in my apartment alone, He has been molding me into someone I could never have imagined three years ago. He is teaching me to pray in faith and to trust that He has not only heard but answered. He is drawing out a desire to fully want to know His will and purpose for this life He has given me. He is helping me to let go and know that this life is truly not my own. In a word, it is freedom!

10. God has surrounded me by an assortment of daily witnesses to my life. From the rock and constant safe place of my sister, brother, and niece; to a life group of bold, empowered men and women; to a staff of amazing, godly individuals, God is teaching me about the beauty of His body. Our different talents and gifts - who we have been perfectly made to be in Him - all coming together for His glory! I am humbled to be a part of it daily!

Prayer in Lyrics

I've really fallen in love with a song by John Waller called "Something Big". It really calls out to me because it is something that I have been praying for a couple of weeks now. It is one of those "dangerous" prayers because the answer could be so much more than anyone could ever anticipate. We'll see. Here are the lyrics:

I want to see something I've not seen
Something so big
I want to be a part of something great
Greater than me
It's time to dream big dreams
To see your vision become reality

Cause its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.

We, yes we, are gonna sing a brand new song
Something so strong
And we will be the sound that wakes the dawn
Something so loud
Its time for breaking through
Cause there are no limits for He who holds the truth

When its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.

Something bigger
Something greater
For the glory of your splendor
Something bigger
Something greater
Tell the story of your wondrous love

Something so big its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.

Medicine

When God knit me together, He gave me a dislike of medicine. I've really grown to like it less and less as I get older. However, I am currently "preparing for rain". In order to make some things easier later on, my wonderful doctor has started me on a couple of different prescriptions. I'll spare you the details and just say that they are not fun. All of that to say....

If you want to be scared out of your mind, read the side effects of prescription medication! Here are a few of my current favorites:

- Do not stop this medication without checking with you doctor. Stopping suddenly may result in serious side effects. (WOW! This makes me not even want to start it! What is going to happen when it is time to stop!?)
-Check with your doctor as soon as possible if you experience bone problems (pain or broken/fractured bones). (Bone pain!?)
-And my personal favorite: Contact you doctor immediately if you experience......severe vomiting or vomit that looks like coffee grounds. (That's something I'm looking forward to.)

If those aren't enough to scare you, they also warn about chronic back pain, personality changes, and higher risk of infection (including colds and chicken pox). Are you kidding me? Do you know what I do for a living? I'm exposed to this daily!

(insert deep breath here............) As silly as it may sound, taking these medicines that I REALLY don't want to is part of my personal faith in action. I am believing that this is a time of preparation that God is/will work through - possible side effects and all.

Verse 3

"Before they call I will answer; while the are still speaking I will hear." - Isaiah 65:24

One thing that I have learned in my prayer life is that honesty with God is so important. Every joy, pain, sorrow, and praise honestly lifted up. It is overwhelming and freeing at the same time. This verse reminds and comforts me. It reminds me that every thing I have asked, requested, or lifted up has been heard. An answer has been issued. It allows me to truly give things to God and let Him do what He does. He is SO good!

Being a Sheep

Since everyone that I know is doing the 25 things about me, I thought I would give in and follow the leaders....

1. It doesn't matter how many times I see a picture of my niece, I am still overcome by how beautiful she is.

2. I am am an avid reader but lately I am really tearing through books. Seriously, three in the past two weeks. During the school year, this is a record for me.

3. I secretly like the hokey movies on the Hallmark Channel. Embarrassing, I know.

4. I'm with Erin - You just can't get too much better than Hebrew and Greek word study in bible study.

5. I was recently given a glimpse into how cynical life can make someone my age. And everyday since then, I have thanked God profusely that He has shielded me from that.

6. My favorite purchase I've made recently is a sign from Caleb's shop that says, "If at night you cannot sleep, count your blessings instead of sheep". It reminds me of one of my favorite scenes in one of my favorite movies White Christmas.

7. I'm on a new medication and it has changed my taste buds. I just don't enjoy sweets much anymore. This even includes my beloved hot chocolate. *Sigh.....*

8. I've learned that I really do enjoy cooking and baking.

9. One day I would really like to get my masters in either library sciences or something biblical.

10. My current favorite praise and worship song is Sing to the King. My students really like it too. They hear me sing it a lot!

11. I am growing to appreciate and be more comfortable with silence - especially in the car. I'm hoping to hear something in it one day.

12. The first song that I remember hearing on the radio and learning the words to is "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears. Besides my first love of the Monkees, this song was the first song I loved on my own. Oh yeah!

13. Everyday I am more and more thankful that God has continued to mold me into what He wants me to be instead of leaving me the way that I am. I look back at even a year ago and I am humbled! He is so much better that I deserve!!

14. While Erin has some amazing friends, I have her next best friend picked out for her. When I saw her at the movie theater the other night, I may have been slightly over excited. Seriously though, I can totally see it! Now to only make that happen.......hmmmm....?

15. A glass of sweet tea has the same affect on me that a whole pot of espresso has on most people.

16. Knowing that drawing is one of the talents that God has not bestowed upon me, I do feel a bit of pride when my six year old students (who don't know any better) argue that the dog I just attempted to draw is "really good!".

17. One of the things that I look forward to the most on visits home is looking through Dad's stash of coins for that one coin he's missing. It doesn't happen every visit but I always secretly hope that it does.

18. I have that wonderful feeling that the pendulum is starting to swing the other way - in the best of ways, of course.

19. She doesn't know it but one of my new favorite things about Tuesday nights is seeing Mallory sing during praise and worship time. I don't watch her but every once in a while, I catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye and it makes my heart smile. She seems to have no inhibitions in singing to her God.

20. I look forward to the day that I feel free to completely praise God without even having the thought of what others will think. Getting there but it's always in the back of my mind.

21. Apparently, I am pretty emotional too....

22. I've grown aware of the fact that I use ellipsis a lot when I write. (....) I've refrained many times even within this post.

23. When I go shopping and can't find my size in what I like, I just chalk it up to the fact that either I have really good taste because everyone else likes the same things I do, I'm actually an average body size because everyone else is my size too, or a combination of the two. Any way I go with it, it's a winning situation!

24. As hard as it is to get motivated sometimes, I feel really good when I have a domestic day. When the house is clean, clothes are clean, ironed, and put away, and dinner is cooking, I feel like I've accomplished something semi-fulfilling.

25. Generally I don't drink any soda unless I am feeling nauseous. I've learned that I don't like that taste of ginger ale with real ginger in it. I'll take the artificially flavored Canada Dry brand any day!

OK, friends! Now it's your turn! Let's see what you have to share!

Two Weekend Wonders

1. There are many things that I have come to love about our God. I love His timing and sense of humor. I love how He knows exactly what I need to hear at the most significant times. I love how He makes things turn out even if they weren't "in the plans" - and they are always better than I could have even thought to imagine. The thing right now that I am newly falling in love with (and attempting to wrap my mind around) came from many places. First, it came from our morning study on Daniel at school, then a talk with Erin, and then a prayer with friends yesterday morning. God puts all things into action and knows what time holds. From the past to the present, God has set seasons into being. Because He is all-knowing and the Ancient of Days, He is teaching me that every prayer I have lifted up has already been answered. I may not know what that answer is but it has been issued. It doesn't mean that I stop talking to Him or lose hope or trust. It means coming before Him honestly and clothed in who I really am knowing that whatever I ask or say, He responds. He is not silent or absent. He hears and answers. And that changes everything!

2. I love my Bible. It has so many notes here and there that I have picked up and have significant meaning. Things like original word choice, cross-referencing, and dates specific passages made an impact on my life. I would love for it to be the Bible that I carry from here on out. However.....I think it is time for a new one. The ink that I used for notes is bleeding through to the next page and making the text hard to read. Then, today we were studying out of Acts and my eye caught a note I made several years ago. At the time, it was important but now I don't agree with what I wrote. In fact, I believe quite differently. I also remember the attitude in which I wrote it and it was so wrong. So, begrudgingly, I think it is time to break down and get a new bible. I'm such a brat! There are people around the world who literally die for one. Here I am being so...... selfish.

One Only the Ladies Can Appreciate

Before I get going too much further, I need to tell you that if blog posts could have subtitles, this one would be called "The One with all the TMI". Now, I know that Erin will have a bit to say about this post because what I am about to write about is nothing in comparison to what she had recently experienced. It may not appear on this blog but at some point, she will let me know her two cents.

What in the world must God have been thinking when He gave women hormones!? Seriously, where did the idea of complete uncontrollable irrationality come from!? For the first time in my life, I am healthy and experiencing the full onset of mood swings, irritability, and crying for NO REASON AT ALL. What is that!?!? Most women learn to deal with these at about age 12 but I am having to start much later thanks to the amazing Dr. Levin! Don't get me wrong, as annoying and baffling as they are to me, I could not be more thankful because it means that everything is as it should be for this first time in my life. It means that things I thought would not be possible for me are now actually something that could happen. The joy that brings me is too much for words! However, I'm learning that all of that craziness of emotions I thought was just silly stereotypes are indeed realities. WOW! Apparently God made me a crier and I just didn't know it until a few weeks ago.

One of my favorite episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond is called Bad Mood Rising. Ray tries to give Debra pills to help with her PMS and she goes ballistic. Every emotion under the sun (in extreme) is swung to in the course of a few minutes. Hilarious! However, that is how I have felt lately. Here is a clip of that episode. The few minutes leading up to here are even better but this is all I could find. It's suddenly not as funny as I remember it being. :)

Sunny Days, Keeping the Clouds Away....

The last two days have been gorgeous. It makes me wish for a house so I had a yard to spend time in. With an apartment, it is hard to just go outside and enjoy the beautiful sunshine and prefect spring day breeze (even though it was very un-January like weather). In San Marcos, there were so many nooks and crannies to go hide in on pretty days. That was one of the nice things are living where a few rivers cut through the town. Once of my favorite spots was in the park. A river cut through an edge of the park and a bridge connected the main park to an "island". People would go there for a picnic, to fish, or to just draw/read/visit with a friend. I thought about that place a lot this weekend. I've only been fishing once but yesterday I had a desire to cross that bridge, be on that island with the sun shining through the leaves, and cast a line into the river. Whether I caught a fish or not, it wouldn't matter. Just being outside on a perfect day surrounded by the beauty of God's creation would have been heaven on earth.

Memory Verse for January 15

My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. - Psalm 62: 1-2

For some reason, my emotions have been all over the place in the past few weeks. There is no telling what will make me weepy at any given moment. It almost feels like God wants me to come face to face with my disappointments. I've been thinking about it and I think it is about time. In the past, facing fears and disappointments has often released me from the power I let them have over me. I've learned that in doing so, I have to approach it prayerfully. I know that God will only let us face things so far but will not let them overtake us. So this is the scripture that I have chosen to call to the forefront of my mind in struggling moments. I have chosen to pray it when I am tempted to slip into a mess. For God alone is my comfort and strength. He holds my past, present, and future. He works to redeem me to His perfect and pleasing will. He purifies me in His holiness and holds my hand when facing those things that cause me pain and fear. His love is unshakably perfect and casts out all fear. He is my rock and salvation. He provides rest. Him, and Him alone.

Two Things that Have Absolutely Nothing to do with Each Other

This has been quite a week. Can I just say - Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday! I have spent this week thoroughly confused about which day it is! The first week back after two weeks off and only four days with kids can really throw you for a loop! So I thought I would share a couple of things from this week. They are so unrelated that this should probably be two separate posts but I'm just going to kill two birds with one stone.

1) I have been very pleased to learn that the female love of shoes is truly a life long passion. I have a couple of students who can't seem to get over this hump and move on to the next reading level. It is frustrating for me but also for them. They don't know they have been stagnant but the few times I have attempted to move them on, they just look at me like I've asked them to read a Latin medical reference book. So as we trudge through the ever present "E" books, I try to put it more in their hands. I lay out about three books for them to choose from. One that I have learned to always offer is called "Shoes Women Wear". I am almost willing to stake my life of the fact that whenever I offer it as an option, my little girls won't even consider the other options. In fact, I have girls that are beyond that level asking me if they can read the shoe book. Gotta love girls and their shoes!

2) A few times this week I have been thinking about missing people. Not people who have gone missing but the feeling of missing those you haven't seen in a while. (Side note, while I was thinking about this post, I started singing the DC Talk song Colored People but I kept saying Missing instead of Colored. Sadly, it took me a while to catch my mistake.) Anyway, I have been caught off guard by how much I have missed some people recently. I find missing people such a mixed emotion. There are elements of sorrow, anticipation, and, when those we miss are seen again, great joy. For example, I wasn't quite ready to get back to work but as soon as I saw my kids turn the corner on Tuesday morning, I was overcome with a giddiness and desire to squeeze them all tightly. I was surprised how much I missed them! Then, a few days ago, my dear friend Danielle joined facebook and requested me as her friend. It sounds silly but just seeing her face made me squeal with excitement. I knew that I missed her but I didn't realize how much. It has made me wonder, who else do I miss and not even realize it? Seeing my kids and briefly hearing from Danielle made me wonder, what other faces could bring such joy if I saw them at random? What other voices are my ears aching to hear? Going a step further, who do I miss that I don't even know yet? There are relationships (mentor, friend, husband, children) that my heart longs for. I hope one day they will understand when I look at them and honestly say, "I missed you!" with all of the excitement and joy that I felt upon seeing my friend and students this week.

And So It Goes....

I have started reading the book "A Walk with Jane Austen" and something the author says about her memoir really struck home with me. I thought it was great and wanted to share it with you. Lori Smith wrote, "We don't choose what happens to us, but I suppose we choose (even subconsciously) how we remember it and what stories we tell."

I just spent a little time looking back at some posts from this time last year. It was really interesting to go back and see what I chose to write about. Somethings brought a smile to my face and others made me scratch my head. Sweet memories forgotten vs the difficult times that I wrote about so vaguely that I can't even remember what they were about. Even the things that were hard (or bad) I don't remember as being so difficult. I guess our interpretation of life really does make all the difference in the end.

2009

Happy New Year, sweet friends! What a beautiful day to start off a year that I have been anticipating for a few weeks.

Usually, for me, New Year is a time of reflection - looking back over the joys and sorrows that defined the milestones of the year. This year, both were present (just as any other year) but I've taken a different approach in my mind's eye. I fully believe that God blesses remembrances because he had His people put up standing stones so that they may tell their children of the goodness of the Lord. However, along with these remembrances, I've decided to make this a year of anticipation. Set aside for the Lord, I am fully convinced that our God will be faithful, fulfilling His promises in the year to come. This is a year that, instead of New Year Resolutions that will be forgotten in days to come, I just want to seek the One who set time into motion, the Author and Perfector of our faith. I've known the hand of the Lord and want it more. I want to hear his voice so clearly that when He passes by in a gentle whisper, it will not be mistaken for any other than Him.

As I've spent time in prayer over this, I've been asking for ways to keep my focus. Yet again, our God is faithful! I am committing to learn two verses a month for the next year. It is do-able and personal. Choosing verses appropriate for the stage of life to which I have been called, I am able to see the goodness of the Lord day in and day out. For the first verse of the year, I was seeking a "mission statement" for what is to come. After finding this one and briefly reading some commentary on it, I chose Hosea 10:12:

Sow for yourself righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love, and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord until he comes and showers righteousness on you.

I'll continue to post the verses I have chosen because for me, repeated writing helps me memorize. If you would like to join, feel free! You don't have to tell anyone. Make sure you have accountability for yourself and dive in to blessing upon blessing!

May the Lord bless and keep this year for you. May He shine his face on you and be gracious! Have a wonderful 2009!

Audiobooks

Well, I'm about to hop in the car and head west for Pleasanton. This is the second time in two weeks. Last week was Jenn's baby shower and tomorrow in Lin's wedding. So much to celebrate!

With time on the road, I have grown to really appreciate the beauty of audio books. I am a slow reader so this is the perfect way to get some "reading" done without having any distractions. I've recently read "Teaching Lolita in Tehran" and "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time". Both are very good and I would recommend them both to you. Today, I'm welcoming something with a little more depth. I'll be listening to "A Heart Like His: Intimate Reflections on the Life of David." I thought it would be appropriate because giants seem to be a running them in my mind the past three weeks. God is doing something here so I thought I would see how David handled a life so close to God's heart.

I hope everyone is enjoying this season of celebration, reflection, and anticipation. Love to you all!

Radioactive Holiday Greetings.

I hope that everyone has a very wonderful Christmas Eve! Before we get down to the joy behind our season, here is a little (one and a half minutes) jingle bells silliness for you and yours. Seriously, who has the time? I'm glad they did. :)

Oh, Mama!

Tonight I called Mom to tell her something pretty random that I was momentarily excited about. After we got off the phone, I thought, "What is Mom going to do when I start dating someone?" She'll probably be a hair relieved to not get four calls a day (sadly this is one of the few days that I'm not exaggerating) about everything from doctor's appointments to the price of medicine to baking questions. She'll still get calls, of course, but some brave soul somewhere will be inheriting an endless stream of over excitement over tiny things.

Everyone start praying for the man now!

The Voice of the Lord

It is an amazing thing when the Lord speaks a word over your life. Peaceful and confident, silencing fears and building hope and faith. In unexpected times, when we need it most, God makes Himself known. Blessed be the Lord!

Smart Kids

I already shared this with a few of you but I thought I would share it with everyone. It is too funny to pas up as a post.

So we got to school yesterday and it was 65 degrees. As we were going to recess it was 44 degrees. I was excited because I got to wear my scarf and fun hat with the fuzzy ball on top of it. We got out and it was COLD so the kids started acting like huddled penguins to stay warm. Suddenly they all took off fast towards to wall. Apparently, they found the dryer vent from our Life Skills class blowing warm air out of the dryer and they huddled around it to stay warm.

I have smart kids!

Is That Really Simple?

I got my January issue of my favorite magazine, REALSIMPLE, yesterday? Two things caught my eye immediately. First, the issue's feature article is entitled "Feel calmer now: 20 essential lists to organize your life" OK...if I had time to sit down and make 20 different lists, I don't think I would need them. If you can do that, you have time to get quite a bit done! I mean, I'm juggling a lot of balls already without throwing 20 extra lists into the air with them. The sad thing is that I will most likely read the article and then find time to write out each list and decide on its usefulness. I'm such a nerd!

The second things I noticed was the quote for the month. I love quotes! Every issue of this magazine has one on the spine. This months is really good. Here it is: Life comes in clusters, clusters of solitude, then a cluster when there is hardly time to breathe. - May Sarton. Can I just say - so true!

Converge

As you can tell from the previous post, Erin and I attended Converge on Thursday night. CeCe Winnans and Travis Cottrell were there and Beth spoke. It was interesting because the lesson that was given was not about the birth but about advent - waiting in anticipation. She used Luke 1's story of Zechariah and Elizabeth. I spent the whole lesson feeling like I had a spiritual bull's eye on me. There may have been 6,000 people there but it landed all over me. I'm no going to go into all of it here because it is just one of those Mary things - you know, something treasured in my heart. Besides, I'm still trying to process it so that it really sticks. Instead, I'm just going to write down a few things I took down as special to me. You may think them everyday statements but they are bringing tears to my eyes even now. Hope they bless you in some way today!

• God doesn't just show up. He prepares a way for Himself to come.
• The answer to our prayer is issued upon the beginning of our saying it. We just don't get it right away.
• Answer to our personal prayer is often wrapped up in the answer to a corporate prayer. There is often something bigger in play.
• He will bless you with what you want or He will bless you with more than what you did not know to want.
• Blessed are you when what comes naturally to others comes supernaturally to you. (This was the biggest one for me.)

On a Day Like Today...

Today ended in worship - just as it should. I hoped Travis would sing "In the First Light" and, praise God!, he did. What an amazing gift this man has been given! Listen below or read the lyrics.



Then, the blessing of all musical blessings, we ended with "In Christ Alone".



Merry Christmas and love to you all!

SNOW IN HOUSTON!

Yes! About 20 minutes before dismissal, snow started falling at Wolfe Elementary! I'm not sure who was more excited - my six year olds or their teacher! We were ALL jumping around and crowding around the windows. We "bundled up" and went out in our Atrium to watch tiny flakes float down to cover our coats and hair. Nothing stuck to the ground but it didn't matter. REAL snowflakes were floating onto OUR school! And it was 72 degrees yesterday! What joy! Our resident teachers from the North thought we were all WAY over excited but when this is what you get every 5 - 10 years, you take it! So in honor of the snow, I actually left work right after the kids did, came home, plugged in the Christmas Tree, and am enjoying some hot chocolate (with the very rare treat of marshmallows). I'm even more excited that Erin posted a picture of my sweet niece during her first snow.

Happy Winter, everyone!

A Light One of Graditude

It is a bit late but here are a few of the little joys in life that I am very thankful for. All of these are the icing on the cake of significant blessings I already have. These just make life that much sweeter!

• Being able to bless someone with a gift
• The smell of the new barbecue place just up the street
• Apple cider and iced tea (but not mixed together)
• The Christmas Song by Dave Matthews
• Gorgeous new pictures of my niece
• Waking up and feeling rested
• Anticipating a sister date for Converge (10 days but who's counting?)
• Getting the house ready to set up the Christmas tree
• Being finished with Christmas shopping!
• Climbing into a bed of clean sheets

I am truly blessed!

Loving Friends

I think it is funny how God's timing works. It is something that I have grown to respect and cherish at the same time. The latest case in point is my Life Group. What an AMAZING group of people! I don't think that I could be more at home with another group of people outside of my own actual family. What I find funny about it is that last September, I visited this group and didn't get connected (by my own fault, not theirs). Then, a year later, I visit the group again and ta-da! God has done things in me to prepare me for being ready for such a loving group. I am truly blessed! I could go through each member and tell of the gift they are to me but tonight, I'll just focus on one couple.

One of our elders and his wife are in our group. I remember meeting them the first time I visited and being very welcomed by them. I recall when the church here announced that they were considering men as elders, I hoped he was one of the men before they announced his name. Over the summer, she was in our bible study and I so looked forward to everything that she had to say/share. Since spending time together over the past three months, I have grown to love and appreciate this couple more and more. Not only are they amazing individuals, they are such a GREAT couple! I know it has taken 25 years of love and work but I love to watch them. Last night he was late and he winked at her across the room. They are loving towards each other and have learned what it is to be one. They seek God together and in their own lives and I believe fully that they know His presence in a very loving way. They have both touched my heart in very specific ways.

A few weeks ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to attend a training hosted by a local church. I was sorting through things said in the sessions and I asked for prayers along those lines. Simple as it sounds, she really stilled my spirit. She offered up a calm word (not really significant to anyone else) and winked at me. That's it - just a wink, a kind word, and a smile. Her heart spoke through that simple act and it meant SO much to me.

Last night, he was leading the prayer for our group. Without any prompting, suggestion, or request from me, he prayed for me. He prayed for my future husband and the man God is working him to become. The words hit me like a wall of power. I literally felt every word come against me and through me with fully strength. Never have I felt anything like that. It was SO touching and fortifying. I didn't even know it but I needed those words prayed over me in a big way. What he didn't know was that I have been contemplating things a little more than usual lately. It was such a blessing. I didn't thank him because I was just speechless.

Tonight, I am increasingly thankful for Bob and Alicia and their presence in my life!

What to Write???

It is SO annoying to know it is time for a new post but nothing will come! So....anything you are interested in reading about or knowing? I'm an open book but you have to tell me which page to turn to. :)

THAT"S Your Connection!?

So I'm working in a guided reading group today with a little boy who is STRUGGLING! We are reading a book called The Pup and the Cat. After reading through it, I'm checking his comprehension and this is where I am going to pick up for you:

Me: What was the pup riding in?
S: Writing? Like (mimes someone writing a letter)
Me: No riding. Like r-i-d-i-ng (stretching out each sound)
S: OH! Like "Yippy-ki-oh-ki-ay"?
Me: (trying not to lose it in laughter) yes.

Really!? That is the connection he made? Not riding in a car or on a bike but yippy-ki-oh-ki-ay (like a cowboy). Can you tell we're from Texas? Little boy completely made my day! :)

Expelled

I am having a Sheasby kind of weekend. This morning I am sipping on hot tea and thinking about Stephen because he drinks hot tea every night. Then, last night I watched a movie that we have been talking about for months. They would have loved it and I think you might too.

A while back, Ben Stein came out with his documentary Expelled. I finally got around to watching it last night while I put together guided readers (wild Friday night .... I know). It is investigating the scientific/academic world's reaction to those who believe in intelligent design. Basically, Darwinism vs. intelligent design. You may think that it sounds incredibly dull but it was SO interesting! I was amazed at some of the things that some of the scientific men were saying. Blew me away! Honestly, I don't think I have ever actually heard anyone blaspheme God but as I watched the show, I found myself in complete fear for these men's souls. Many said some VERY bold comments and one just truly shocked me. We know that God can hear all things but to say such arrogant, atheistic things for the whole world to hear (and with complete pride and self assurance) made me fear for them. These things are recorded forever and can be linked back to them throughout there lives and continuing on even after they pass. Part of me wants to share what they said here but I can't bring myself to say them let along type them. The semi-vindicating moment was at the end when the biggest proponent for Darwinism of our time completely contradicted himself.

The movie made some really good points and made me aware of some the possible affects that could come to be if intelligent design is further pushed under the rug. It is very well done and I think you will be very impressed if you have the chance to see it. It is in Red Box right now and I'm sure video stores will have it too. If you are interested, here is the website.

If you just want to see more about the movie without reading, here is the trailer.

Where to Next?

Late this afternoon, I attended a meeting for an opportunity to apply for a grant. "Big whoop," you say however...This is an opportunity through an organization called Funds for Teachers. This group reviews grants to send teachers on trips over the summer to any destination. The only obligation is that the trip must have a learning link to our objectives. Seriously - anywhere. Examples today included Sydney, Antarctica, Mexico, Italy, New York, Portland, New Mexico, etc, etc, etc. So now I begin the process of writing my very first grant. I have a couple of ideas (San Diego, Egypt, Spain, Machu Pichu) but I have to tie it to the curriculum. Seeing how I have the whole world as an option I am suddenly drawing a blank. So I just have one question.....

Where should I apply go?

I'm a Moron!

In my last post, I mentioned that I haven't had a voice all week. This morning, as I got ready for work, I figured out why. I have random bouts of vertigo and it is linked to inner ear congestion. I know - TMI. Anyway...it has hit pretty hard over the past few weeks so on Saturday, I decided to get some Zyrtec to try to dry things up and clear things out. I started taking it on Saturday night. By Monday night, my voice was all but gone. From Tuesday until today, I've been at a whisper. However, I wasn't spinning and I didn't have that lovely "about to fall out of your chair" feeling. Frustrating for work but worth it for being steady. As I got ready to take my daily Zyrtec this morning, it hit me. If Zyrtec is used to dry up and break down your congestion, couldn't it also be dehydrating and drying out my vocal cords? DUH, Dana! To try it out, I didn't take one today. The dizziness is back a bit but so is the voice. Not 100% back but working on it quickly. Now the focus it to stay hydrated and stay away from any caffeine (thanks barbershop crowd for teaching me that important rule). So in a nutshell, I had no voice this week and I did it to myself.

What a moron!

Between This Week and the Next

So the big story of the week in my neck of the woods in the battle for my voice. Monday night it decided to check out for the rest of the week. Yep, it's gone. To make matters worse, I have a job that greatly requires words. Spoken, meaningful, clear words. I am thankful that I have such a good group of students because they have been helpful and sweet. They are afraid of hurting me so they have been very obedient and quiet. They have also suddenly become medical experts on how to heal my vocal cords. It's pretty funny! I'm getting desperate but I know I'll get it back soon (hopefully)!

So after a VERY frustrating, concerning week (Elizabeth in the hospital, the election, not having a voice, etc....), I am gearing up for the weekend. Our Friday is an early dismissal day so I'm hoping to bust a LOT out before going home at our usual time Then on Saturday, I am attending a training for Ministry Teams through a local church. I'm WAY excited about that. Then that evening is a come and go dessert dinner for some dear friends. On Sunday is a day I have come to not look forward to. The friends who are being honored with the dessert dinner will be saying good bye to us on Sunday night. My dear, dear friends, the Sheasby family, are leaving Houston on Monday to begin a final month in the US with extended family before moving back to Africa to open orphanages and schools. It is an exciting time but I am selfishly dreading losing such constant contact with a family I have come to love and adore.

So prayers over the next few days are appreciated: for growth and enlightenment during the training and strength in the good bye. It's going to be a weekend of highs and lows. Definitely a weekend to remember.

You Can Vote However You Like

Since I am the Social Studies CLT this year for my campus, I have received MANY things that are related to the election. One of my favorites is this video from CNN. These are kids that attend the Ron Clark Academy in New York City. It is not bias and presents both sides. My kids LOVED it and I did too! I'm not going to lie, I've listened to it many times on my own. The clip is about three and a half minutes long but totally worth the time! And if you think that the name Ron Clark sounds familiar, he is the teacher who wrote The Essential 55 and The Excellent 11. In a nutshell, he's a personal professional hero of mine. Anyways...GREAT clip about the candidates! Enjoy!

The Big Day

Here it is...Election Day. It is going to be a long day and a VERY long night. I hope everyone gets out there and does their thing. More importantly, I hope that today is a time of intensified prayer and petition for everyone. Let's keep laying this thing at the feet of the only One truly in control! One of my newest prayers has been that this thing is decided completely and that recounts and contesting the vote are minimal/nonexistent. Let's get this thing over with!!! Let's pray that November 5 is not welcomed with more name calling and mud slinging. I'm looking forward to this campaign being over!!!!

Happy Voting!

Randomness on a Friday Night

Driving to work today I was able to see the most AMAZING sun rise. From the blazing reds on the horizon to the crystal blues as high up as I could see, every color in between could be seen. As I marveled at it, I noticed how every shade of red turned to pink turned to orange turned to yellow turned to blue. In the midst of being awestruck, I thought "WAIT! If yellow and blue make green, how come the brilliant yellows and crystal clear blues don't fade into each other to produce at least a tiny sliver of green during sunrises?" Hmmmm.... That would be weird!
________________________________

Did anyone else know that Halloween is the biggest holiday of the year for fireworks? I didn't either but the church behind my apartment proved me wrong tonight. Apparently it calls for more than New Year's Eve and the Fourth of July (combined). Pretty but LOUD! I thought some kids had set some off outside my door. Talk about suddenly being VERY awake!

Who knew?

Challenge

Lately I have been thinking about this world of blogs. I love it because it is how I keep up with everyone that I don't see every day. It's a way for me to get all that is rumbling around in my head out. It is theraputic and great fun at the same time. Of course, I can't just leave it at that - I have to think about it too much! :)

Most of the people who read this blog are those I love but don't see often. However, I know that for some of you, this is all we get of each other for lengths of time. Still others may happen across this blog via the handy dandy "Next" button or the ever addictive Google. I've become increasingly aware of the idea that what people read may be all that they ever know about me. It may be the only window into who I am, what I've become, or what I represent. That has got me thinking upon an even deeper question: How do I come across? What do people see when they stumble across this blog? Am I a light in the darkness? Am I the proverbial salt? Can they tell whose I am? Are my words sweet and uplifting? Do people see joy? Do readers hear trust, confidence, and peace? Is this blog a blessing? Do people want to come back and read again?

I don't ask these questions for affirmation. Just some things that have been put on my heart - being aware of my interactions with others, whether in person or just in words. I'm not talking about being Pollyanna or sickeningly optimistic. Even in the hard, tough times, where do I put my faith and how do I express that to others? I guess it is just a challenge to myself to be aware of how I come across in my words and deeds.

Who Needs Comfort Food?

There is just something comforting about enjoying a classic from your childhood!

Ishmael vs. Isaac

*** Before the real post - pictures are up of Erin, Gregg, and baby on her blog (link on the right)!!!!***

I recently finished reading a book by Kelly Minter called No Other gods. The basic premise of the book is differentiating between the Lord your God and modern day idols (our daily functional gods). There are many things that I have walked away from this book with - acknowledging things that I hadn't even considered as things I put certain amounts of trust in. I've had to take breaks from certain issues and am relearning to put things in the hands of the One who knows the outcomes.

The biggest impact from this book was at the very end. Kelly retells the story of Abraham and his two sons in a way that I have never really considered. She really spent time discussing that although we know that Ishmael was not the fulfillment of God's promise, he was Abraham's son. Even after Isaac was born, Ishmael was the first born and for 13 years, Abraham lived with and loved this boy. Yet, in order to more completely fulfill the will of God, he had to send him away. He had to kiss Ishmael on the head and say goodbye. This very much touched me. Something I had honestly never thought about. I've blown past this heartbreaking moment for so long because Isaac is the one we have always focused on. I've never been presented with this HUGE sacrifice of Ishmael. That's what happened - Abraham sacrificed both of his sons to God but only got to keep Isaac. He lost his first born.

Minter then went on to talk about how we have to do the same thing. There are things in our lives that we have grown attached to and deeply invested in that we have to let go of in order to receive all that God has prepared for us. I've done this in the past and it is HARD. It brings the idea of taking things into our hands into a whole new light. It makes me question my motivation behind some things that I do. Not everything but some things. It has brought peace and acceptance in many ways (but that is another post for another day).

So now that I am aware of all of this, I find myself wondering what the difference is between being proactive and taking matters into my own hands. There is some thing that I am considering right now but I'm not sure which it falls into - am I making an Ishmael-like decision by taking things into my own hands now only to have to sacrifice it later? Or am I just being proactive? I know that God can bless or use any decision I make. After all, He did bless Ishmael when Abraham asked Him to.

As we talked about in my Monday morning Bible study at work, this is a lesson I want to learn from the pages and not experience again!

First Impressions

After MONTHS of waiting, Elizabeth is here! I got to spend some time in the afternoon with Gregg and Erin before she got to the hard part of pushing. She did SO great! Such a trooper! We were all hanging out in the waiting room, jumping at every footstep hoping it was Gregg and then there he was. The parents got to go in first, then it was my turn....

As most of you know, I tend to have delayed reactions so I didn't even realize how special this moment was until I was talking to Esme tonight. Have Gregg hand me his daughter felt a little surreal. Almost like it wasn't us. Until I looked into her face. Her little eyelashes so blond that you had to look closely to see them. Her big blue eyes trying to open despite the bright light. The way that she grunted telling us all about what had just happened to her. Her soft little cries.

Above all of this, I can remember something very specific about our first meeting. First, she did not like being taken from her grandma so she started to softly cry. Gregg handed her to me and I talked to her for a second. She looked at me and stopped. Maybe it was the rocking or maybe it was the not being jostled but I know the truth - we already have a little bond thing going on between niece and aunt. I know because she kinda smiled at me. Yep, at an hour and a half only, she knows that she has this adult hooked.

On the funny side, Dad and I kept watching her in the nursery. She is SO funny! That blond hair started drying and getting a little "blonde bomb-ness" in it (taking after her mother). She would keep her entire back on the bed and twist her curled legs side to side. I found it quite adorable (but I'm not biased or anything)!

Picture on Erin's blog and I'm sure more will follow soon!

My Monica Moment?

I've been thinking about Erin and the baby a lot lately. I'm SO excited that I just CAN'T stand it! I'm so excited that I literally can't contain it. At the same time, it is more than just excited. It's something else that I can't even put words on. A few weeks ago I said something about Elizabeth being my baby and, of course, Erin attempted to correct me but she really is my baby. You may think that I'm joking but I'm not. I started crying on the phone with Erin the other day. Just this morning while I was blow drying by hair, I was thinking about her coming and just getting to hold her . I just started crying. I'm crying now writing this. I keep wondering if I'll start crying when I finally meet her or if I'll just be so excited that my face hurts from grinning. If things keep going like they have been, I'll look like Monica from this episode of Friends: itching to get her hands on the baby and just crying in joy. The main difference? This aunt won't always have gum (sorry little one!).

Too Good Not to Share

Today my 17 little barometers were spinning like crazy as several rain bands and a front blew through. The way it manifested itself was through obscene amounts of talking. After all day of it, I had enough. Here is what when down:

Me: When I tell you that this is a "by yourself activity", that means that you stop talking. S-T-O-P, stop! No more. No sound coming out of your mouth! Starting NOW!

(After 15 seconds of blissful silence, the students at Table 2 start singing together some random song I have never heard. This is BAD timing on their part.)

Me: STOP!!!! PLEASE STOP! When I say stop talking that means that you close your mouth and open your ears. That is how we show we are listening and learning in first grade. It does NOT mean start singing the song that you heard on the Disney channel last night. I am frustrated and if you do not want to see angry Ms. LaMore, you will follow directions.

(The room goes silent and one brave soul raises his hand at Table 2.)

Me: Thank you for raising your hand and waiting to be called on. What is your question?

Student: Did you watch that show last night too?

At that moment NO words or sounds were functioning. I was beyond words. I just stared at him a moment and then walked away, wanting to pull all of my hair out. Now, hours later, I can appreciate the moment. Not only is he adorable but he has some comedic timing too. Bless them all!!!

Breathing Easier

A few weeks ago, I noticed an announcement on our website that the superintendent of our district wanted to have an open genuine discuss about the future of the school I work with. All community members and staff were invited to attend. This has been a bit scary because there have been some scary rumors floating around. It is a known fact that there is a board member who has been pushing to tear our school down and sell our land for district profit. We are an old facility in need of much love so of all the rumors we have heard, this one sounded very plausible. Tonight was the meeting....

Thankfully, the plan is to completely rebuild our campus! It may not be for a few years and there are some major bumps in the road but we aren't going anywhere. There are some major decisions still to be made - make up of the student body (K-5th vs. K-8th), the type of school it will be (regular, charter, or magnet), where on our property to build, possible sell of some of our land, etc. We are just SO blessed by the amount of support that came out for our campus! Our school is a WONDERFUL place but the love of the community was overwhelming. It made for a LONG day (got home at 9:45 tonight) but we are all sleeping easier. What a blessing!

Ministry Opportunity for All of Us

Today was Abundant Joy - an area wide women's conference that was held at West Houston. One of our keynote speakers was sharing a story about a time when she was having a hard time making ends meet financially and had been praying for help with her car payment. A lady called and offered to take care of it for her. Initially, our speaker turned the help down but quickly called the woman back and accepted. The woman started crying with gratitude for allowing her to help out. It was at this point in the story that she said, "There is ministry in letting other people minister to you." My mind jumped two places at the same time (funny how it can do that!).

First, HOW TRUE! I have been on both sides of this statement. I have needed help so badly and not known how to get it when God supplies it unexpectedly. To accept it is hard - especially when it feels like you have brought your current situation upon yourself. Yet, here you are being blessed by the ministry of someone else. At another time, I was so steeped in self pity that I needed to get outside of myself and help someone else. They will never know it but by letting me help them, they ministered to my spirit. They allowed me to serve instead of wallow. It is a hard thing to do but if someone is willing to open themself up to being helped, they are serving more than they are receiving. I am in the process of learning to stop rejecting help and blessings from others for this very reason. It is more blessed to give than receive. I am learning to bless others by allowing them to help me. We need each other and cannot do this thing called life alone!! I have no doubt that everyone can relate!!! It truly is a win-win situation. You might even say that it is a win-win-win situation because both parties are ministered to and God is glorified. (Sorry but I had to throw in an inside joke with a spiritual twist for those of us that are fans of The Office).

My second thought went to one of our own. Always wanting to serve others and put herself last. Working so hard and carrying so much without wanting to bother anyone. Here is a word of truth spoken directly over you with all of my love - "There is ministry in letting people minister to you!" I pray that this is a ministry that you can let yourself take part in very soon. I pray it is a ministry that we can ALL take part in very soon...

To Go or Not to Go

The dreaded 10 year reunion is coming for this girl. I have very little desire to go but will admit that there are a few friends that I would like to see. Curiosity is peaking about a few individuals. However, what holds me back from going is my personal expectations. Let me explain....

There is SO much I would like to go back and tell "Senior Year Dana". So many things that I have learned and been lead through over the past 10 years. I can honestly say that my life today is very little is as I had envisioned it being at 10 year reunion time. In some ways, there is disappointment but in others, it is far better than I could ever have hoped for. It is sad that 10 years after seeing many of these people, there is still a part of me that cares what they will think. Still single, no kids, nothing hugely successful (by the world's standards) to my name. I don't want to walk in and share that with everyone I knew. The funniest thing about it all is that I wasn't that to anyone in my graduating class to begin with. I couldn't wait to move on! I haven't kept in touch with any of them - not one. And it goes the other way too. Yet, 10 years later, I feel myself reverting into that insecure 18 year old girl.

On the flip side, Mom was telling me about a conversation she had with a co-worker who is exactly my age. The lady described herself to Mom as "a divorced 28 year old with kids". Hidden in that is I hear a lot of the same insecurities and disappointments that I hear in myself.

I find it ironic that I assumed that everyone would be living this wonderful life and I would be the odd one out. There are most likely people in my class that are divorced, single parents, or in my same boat. Life takes us all by the hand and we just hold on, hoping to make our way in spite of the great unknown. I know Who is leading me and am SO thankful. I just need to remember that if I decide to face all of those people from good ol' PHS.

Oh joy....

Demonstrations of Faith

When I look through the Bible, I see so many different ways that people demonstrated their faith. Many, like Abraham, went to new places. Many, like Isaiah, spoke. Others, like Hannah, waited. Some, like the widow, were persistent. Many were faithful in multiple ways. So this has me thinking....

I have full faith in God, who He says He is, and what He has done/is doing/will do. I have full faith that my life is in His hands where my name is engraved (Isa. 49:16 - it's a personal favorite). I have full confidence that when the time is right, God will reveal His plan for me just as He did for my job here in Katy. It is a reassuring trust as I've never known. There is no room for doubt. But in the meantime....

How do I show this faith? Do I beg as the persistent widow? Do I beg and plead pouring out my heart in full confidence that prayer will be answered by the only one who can provide? Or do I lay it at the feet of God as a sacrifice and just walk away from it knowing He will do His perfect will in unexpected, indescribable ways? On one hand, I feel as if I am not turning everything over to God but on the other, I feel as if I am giving up? What is the right way to show faith?

I'm just thankful to have a relationship with God where I can say, "I trust you 100% and have full faith in whatever you are doing with my life. I just don't know how to show you that right now. Tell me how to be faithful."

Henna Tattoos and Cameroon Accents

While Houston isn't my favorite place that I have lived, it has provided many blessings and allowed for a personal indulgences. One thing that I have always greatly desired has been to be surrounded by diverse people. This year, I got it! In my classroom, I have a little girl whose parents are first generation Americans from Pakistan. I have a little girl from Cameroon by way of Katrina wrecked New Orleans. Two little girls are twins. I have a little boy from Galveston who has just joined us and is giving me a run for my money. I have another girl who has joined us from New York City. One sweet girl is from India. I have the tallest and the shortest child in first grade in my class. I have a boy whose brother I taught last year. Several non-English speaking parents. I love it!!

Getting wrapped up in the starting of a new year and then getting through a hurricane has made me lose sight of how much I love being about such different individuals. However, today I have been gently reminded of the joy in knowing different people. This is from my little girl from Pakistan. She walked into class today with the most beautiful henna tattoos on her hands. She was absent yesterday for the celebration of the end of Ramadan. I was awe struck. I couldn't stop staring at them. Sweet little hands with tiny detailed flowers temporarily decorating them. I so wish I has a picture but she was pretty shy considering all of the attention she was getting.

My amazing team this year is no different. Our team leader has become a very dear friend to me. She is born and raised in Katy. She and I are the same age and the oldest on the team (I win with most experience). How did that happen!? :) Another teammate is a first year teacher from Ohio who recently moved to Texas. We were blessed to get to know each other through a summer bible study. Our third teammate has joined us from Atlanta by way of Hawaii and Katrina wrecked New Orleans. I am blessed to work with them day in and day out. Here we are:

Do I agree 100% with everything that everyone brings to my room? No. Do I love them for teaching me about world cultures and living together? Most definitely! I love it!!!!!

No Other Answer but God!

In order to understand this post, you HAVE to ready the one right before this. I almost immediately got out of bed to post again but I had to just revel in the blessings of God!


So last night I write my post, hit publish, and go read in bed like I do every night. Right now I am reading No Other Gods by Kelly Minter. The subtitle explains what it is about: "Confronting our modern day idols". Very good and I highly recommend it! Anyway..... Keep in mind that this is happening less than 15 minutes after I posted about this annoyingly haunting question that won't leave me alone. I flip open the book to my chapter for the night entitled "Lies". She is sharing some ah-ha moments from a discussion based on the Genesis 3 passage about Eve's temptation and man's fall. This is what my eyes run across (sorry but it is quite lengthy):

When I think of the lies I am prone to embrace, I realize that many of them begin as questions. It's not as often that I'm thrown by someone or something that comes right out and denounces my set of beliefs. Those are a lot easier to dismiss. But more often I am sent down a doubtful path when my beliefs are simply questioned. Because a statement doesn't require a response, but a question demands an answer. When a person or idea asks, "Did God really say?" suddenly we are in a state of thought, reason, and possible defense. A question engages us in ways that statements do not. I have to believe that Satan knew this.

But here's where things get trickier than I ever realized: Not only did the Serpent begin with a question, but his question was fundamentally flawed. "Did God really say, 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" There's something eerily wrong with this question - notice the word any. God did not say that Adam and Eve couldn't eat from any tree in the garden. He said they could not eat from one. Just one. This is a world of difference. If Satan can lure us into disputing the wrong question, in a sense we have already lost.

I know this one too well. I have spent countless hours wasting my energy on things that didn't deserve it. I have spent exorbitant amounts of time fighting the wrong questions. Though I do not pretend the Christian life is neatly packaged or cut and dried, the Bible is full of countless truths that can keep me from having to enter countless unnecessary wrestling matches. Too many times I've limped away broken and bruised, only to hear God say, "I never asked you to fight this one."

When I ponder the time I have wrestled with lies, often I find myself set up in the same way Eve was - to fight the wrong question.

I near about fell out of my bed! Can we give a little praise for God's timing!? What a blessing and release for me! Today, the question has been silent and I honestly had forgotten all about it until I did my daily blog check. God is SO good!!!

A Frustratingly Vague Post

Last week was exhausting. Seriously! On Friday night I slept for ten and a half hours. Then Saturday night I slept for nine hours. Tonight, I am still a bit tired but will not give in to sleep until 10:00. For a girl who averages seven hours a night, this is very telling! So it has been a weekend of rest. Thank you Jesus for comfortable beds and time to re-coop!

In between times of rest, my refreshed mind has been rolling things over. I thought I would share one with you. I am sure many of you can relate. Have you ever had someone make a statement or ask you a question slightly in passing and it haunted you? It was not intended to be one that lasted more than a moment to make a point but is echoing in your ears? One of you asked me something a few months ago and for the past week-ish it has been bouncing around in my brain. Over and over, the question rolls. On one hand, it makes me doubt a choice I have made, but on the other, it makes me mad because I feel like it is bullying me into doing something that I (with 100% certainty) no longer desire. It is haunting me because it won't leave me alone. It won't go away!!! So what does that mean for me? Those of you that know me so well know the answer to this question - I am privately analyzing it. God is getting an ear-full right now because I don't know why it won't leave me alone. Is He trying to tell me something or is Satan trying to get a foothold in my weakness? I do not know.

I'm sure you understand.....

Boys, Girls, and Binkys

Every experienced teacher knows that when you give someone something new to manipulate, time to play and explore is a must. We all know that before it can be productive, our inquisitive nature must be satisfied. That is why we interview for jobs, read the back of books, or look for newer gadgets. For older "kids", it may be a new phone. For the little ones, say six years old and in first grade, it can be something much simpler.

Today in math, we were assessing students' ability to perform basic addition and subtraction. In order to help, each student was given manipulatives. In our class, we used "Binkys". Basically, they are little deformed animals. Last year, the teacher before me called them Alien Hippos. We call them Binkys because they look like that character from the Arthur books. Anyway, the students completed the addition and then were given two minutes to play with their Binkys to clear their minds before hitting the subtraction. After subtraction, the students were given the choice to draw or continue playing with their Binkys. All but one chose to play.

What was most interesting to me was watching how the boys and girls played with the Binkys. The boys' Binkys were very interactive. They jumped, attacked, flew, and body slammed. They had silent sound affects (their mouths shaped sounds but none were heard). On the other hand, the girls were much more subdude. Instead of active Binkys, theirs were orderly and silent. Instead of "playing", the girls spent their time arranging them. Parallel lines, one long line, circles, matching Binkys on the letters of their name plates, etc etc etc... If there is a way to arrange Binkys, I saw it today.

Just another example of how boys and girls are so different.

Maybe I Didn't Want to Know After All

I've told a couple of people that I was curious what Ike did to the economy. I found this quote in an article linked on the MSN page.

"Risk Management Assessment Inc., which quantifies risks for insurance companies, estimated Ike's impact would land in the low end of the $6 billion to $16 billion in insured losses that the firm initially predicted."

WOW!!! And these are the statistics with a large amount of customers without power. Insane!!!

Priorities

Schools around the Houston/Gulf Coast area have been closed for over a week. Some will not reopen for quite a while. It was just reported that Houston ISD has about 140 schools with power and ready to open on Monday. Sounds good, right? It is deceptive because they followed with the announcement that 106 schools in that same district are still without power and other essentials. Unreal!!

So what about my district? We are scheduled to resume classes on Monday unless something we are unaware of happens. However....At the bottom of our Hurricane Recovery page, what will you find listed below the closings and reasons for closing? The athletic schedule for THIS WEEKEND!!! Don't believe me? Click here. So basically, things are not ready to educate students in a safe, productive environment but by golly, there will be football!

Aren't you glad to know that our priorities are in the right places?

Her Hands

Ike has come and gone. I'll write more about it later after I have heard about a couple of more things. Suffice it to say that we are thankful to have power and except for the limited gas and lack of meat/dairy products, we are relatively back to normal. Since both Erin and I are off today and tomorrow due to not having power at our workplaces, we decided to run some errands. We talked about feeling guilty just going on as we have been while others are without SO much. However, while we wait, we do need to take care of a couple of things.

One of the stops we made was to Motherhood Maternity so Erin could pick up a couple of things she needed. She was trying on a shirt and called me in to help her untie a knot behind her. I got it out relatively quickly and for some reason, my eyes stayed there while she tied the pull behind her back. In that instant, my mind flashed back to her hands at six years old. They were tying her shoes instead of her shirt tie. She didn't notice but I caught my breath. I've seen those hands grow from gripping the tag on her Care Bear to playing a clarinet to wearing her wedding ring and soon to holding the hand of her newborn daughter. It was a very real moment for me that my baby sister is having a baby. She will be tying shoes for her daughter very soon. That moment of watching her hands still sits with me now. So beautiful.

Peace Comes in the Morning...

Public disclaimer - Do NOT watch incoming storm coverage all evening long. Talk about going to bed with knots in your stomach! However, it did stir up some nervous energy and the apartment is clean. I'm already finished getting the place ready for Mom and Dad next weekend. SWEET! Just before bed, I read for a little bit to unwind. God sure knows how to calm our spirits and sooth our souls through the gift of rest!! Anyway...Feeling much calmer this morning. Heading to Erin and Gregg's in about 20 -30 minutes. I do enjoy a good storm but I am NOT looking forward to this - no one here is. However, I am thankful this morning. If I have to ride out a hurricane, who better to do it with than Erin and Gregg? If you don't believe me, check out her blog today. I do love them both so much! Hunkering down in a HUGE master closet with them and their dog will ease all concerns. Who knows, maybe we will laugh a little bit too. Little Elizabeth will definitely have some stories to hear about when she asks her parents about when Mom was pregnant or when she was born.

Love you all and see you on the other side of Ike! :)

The Obligatory Hurricane Post

If you didn't know it was coming, you couldn't tell by the weather. It is beautiful outside - hot and sunny. Literally the calm before the storm. Thankfully, in the past 24 hours, the predicted path of the eye has moved east a few miles. However, they are predicting sustained winds of 75-110 miles per hour with 5-10 inches of rain with possible flooding and isolated tornadoes. Still not the most peaceful and enjoyable of storms.

Leaving school was so tough today. I spent the last hour of my day (yay for conference period last!) putting things in cabinets, moving items away from the windows, turning shelves/drawers to face inside walls, and deciding what is too valuable to leave in the 50 year old building. We are all concerned about the roof. We are expecting at the least leaks or at the most for it to be blown off. Leaving all of my books was NOT easy. The kids were pretty shocked when they walked back in the room after music. Dismissal came a couple of minutes early and we were rushing to reassure their little spirits and remind them not to come to school tomorrow. As we put the kids on the buses, it was difficult knowing that they didn't have a full concept of the scariness that awaits them over the next few days. They think it is just a big thunderstorm. I'm sure there will be some stories on Monday! I hugged each one, looked them in the eye, and asked "Who loves you?" to which they all replied correctly - me. Such smart kids....

After getting the kids loaded, we made a very last minute final sweep of our rooms. As we all rushed out, we gave each other that concerned look. I know that several are concerned about the winds because of huge beautiful old trees in their yards. Others live in floodplains. Many, like me, are afraid of the unknown. One of my new teammates was in her first year teaching in New Orleans when Katrina hit. She said this is a little too familiar to her. Bless her heart!!! We have no clue what we will have on our plates on Monday when we get back to school (Lord willing).

At some point tomorrow, I'll head to Erin and Gregg's house. I'm dreading leaving my home. The apartment is a little bit higher than everything around it so I'm not too concerned about flooding. I'm on the first floor so I know that I don't have to directly worry about a roof. I just don't want any damage. I keep telling myself that it is all material possessions - easily replaced and not of eternal value. However, it is the things that make where I live my home. It has meaning to me. I can live without it and be fine. I just don't want to.... Some things will go with me but not much. I'm just going to trust.

Now I Get It...

"...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." - Philippians 4:11-12

It's funny how you can read a passage of scripture so many times that in some ways it becomes that verse that everyone knows and uses as cliche. In the past few weeks, these inspired words have taken on renewed meaning to me. I read it now and feel such a blessedness from it. There is a great secret to being content and I have found it.

A few months ago, I took part in a Bible study in which we were asked to prostrate ourselves before God in prayer before diving into the study. This was hard for me because it was so far out of my comfort zone. I did it and it made a difference! Then, due to various injuries, it was not an option. The study ended as the injuries healed and that closed the door on "fall on my face" prayer. Until....

God is SO good in His timing! In recent weeks, I have been convicted and moved to surrender some difficult things to our God. As part of that, I have repeated found my innermost being compelling me to get down before the mercy seat of God. Knowing how the Spirit speaks, I've found myself spending more and more time getting the pattern of my carpet pressed into my forehead. In doing so, the beautiful gift of acknowledging His ways and His plans before my own has taught me the lesson of contentment. Yes, I do know what is it to be plenty and in want. Yes, I still struggle with that and what that means in my daily walk. I don't have all of the answers but I do know this: Giving it all to the One who holds all of the answers results in freedom that I am just learning to experience. So what is the secret to being content? Laying it all at the feet of Jesus in purest, most sincere surrender! As difficult as it some days, this truly is the best of all ways to be content in every circumstance.

How lovely that the very next verse following the call to contentment reads, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13) Even when it is hard to surrender and trust in the unseen, it is His strength that makes it possible. His strength is the source of our contentment!

Random Thought For a Sunday

What do you think Jesus dreamed about when he slept?

Really!?

I got my certificate for completing Defensive Driving this morning. It surprised me in more ways than one. Check out the return address on the envelope:

How do you know you're tired?

So I was trying to finish up some work on the computer last night and I started getting REALLY sleepy. I decided that a ginger ale would help me wake up with its carbonation and just a drink. So as I walked away from the fridge, I realized exactly how tired I was. Out of habit from grabbing a small bottle of juice, I looked down to see myself SHAKING the can to make sure it was mixed well.

Oy!

Lessons I Would Have Rather NOT Learned This Way

YES - your knees can turn to Jello while sitting down
YES - the sight of a caravan can make you sink
YES - watching the other side of the highway can be very important
YES - selfishness can turn itself around

How do I know? This afternoon I spent a very LONG three hours driving back to Katy. Along the way, I saw 33 evacuee buses and 201 ambulances. I wish that I was just exaggerating my numbers but I'm not. That's after most stopped in Houston! The flashing lights of the ambulances were the worst. They drove in caravans of 5 to 11 - most with flashing lights. Inside each one, I imagined, was just one individual. Sick or seriously injured, they were being taken further away from their home without any idea of when or if they would return. And they were doing it pretty much alone. I doubt they had anyone with them other than the EMT that they probably didn't know from Adam before they got on the road. How scary!! A had a constant lump in my throat for the entire way home.

To make matters less pleasant, God decided to step on my toes. Apparently, when Katrina hit, my school was past capacity. I've been saying for days that I don't know if I can handle that this year. Now, all I can think about are those little six year olds so far from everything that they know. I'll take any one that I get if I can be any source of comfort to them. No child should have to go through this let alone twice in their short six years of life.

Prayers for everyone affected by Gustav!!