Day Three: Contemplation

One thing that I find amazing is how alike we all are when you get down to it. Yes, there are significant differences but when I see myself in someone else, it makes me smile. This morning I sat down to read the day's chapter and found myself chuckling. Terry Esau works in the music world. He scores music for companies, radio slots, and commercials. He is a competitive bike rider and a father of three. He has a unique view of the world. I honestly think that the only thing we might have in common is this experiment. Yet, as I sat down and opened the book, I found my thoughts in his words. Here is what we were both thinking this morning: This is hard! As a human with ideas of how things should be, it is hard to be open to "whatever" without some opinions on what that "whatever" will look. For example, I would love to tell you that today I had this HUGE ah-ha moment or experience but I didn't. There is nothing that I love more than when God blows my mind but those moments are reserved for His purposes, not mine. So I wait on Him remembering that this is a 30 day thing, not 3. In the waiting, that is where I think that the meat of this experience is taking place.

The whole concept of this is to wait on God. It is to put yourself aside and just be open to His will, His plan, His way. So I find myself looking for Him in everything all day long. Along the way, I'm getting all of these mini-lessons throw at me. Here are a couple of examples from today:

- One of my students kind of drives me nuts. It really isn't her fault. She is an active child, unable to focus and it is really hurting her education. She is a sweet girl but just wears me out in every way. But she has been entrusted to me this year so we'll see how it plays out. Anyway, we had an assembly today and she got to sit by me "so she could see" (and would be within arms reach if need be). She was WONDERFUL! Apparently, literally sitting at my feet and leaning on my legs is very soothing to her. Made me remember that sitting at the feet of God can have the same affect of me. Not asking anything but just sitting, leaning, and being in His presence. I've got to do that more often!

- A little girl earned a reward and when I told her what it was, she started crying and told me that she didn't want THAT reward. She wanted something else. It got all over me and made me so irritated! Immediately, I was slapped with the thought that isn't that what I sometimes do to God? He blesses me when He is under no obligation and I just complain that it isn't what I wanted. I can be such a brat....and He loves me anyway!

- As I input grades into the grade book, I found that I was super excited when a struggling kid got a 70 on an assignment and when a high achieving kid got a 100, I just shrugged it off as expected. It made me think about the story of the angels rejoicing over the lost one that was found rather than the 99 saved. I then thought about how much I need to be like that - honoring and celebrating the growth rather than the expected.

- I have also found myself praying some pretty surprising things. Last night, I was driving home from church listening to the song I posted a week ago ("Something Big" by John Waller). I found myself overwhelmed again and I heard myself pray that I am tired of being in His way. I'm tired of putting myself in the way of what He wants to do. What made my eyes shoot open was not so much the words I was praying but the sincerity behind them. I fully believe that the biggest thing in the way is me and I'm tired of it!

So that is day three. Tomorrow I am leaving right after work to head to the ladies retreat so I won't post again until Sunday. Something else that Esau and I agree on is that writing about the day is nearly the most significant part of the day. It helps to process what has gone on. It feels like God is whispering what He thought was most important for me to remember from the day. So that is why these posts are so long. Enjoy your three days to get through this one. The next one will cover at days 4, 5, and 6. It's sure to be a novel.