Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Got a Little Story for Ya.....
So Friday evening, I realize that I am short an onion that I need to make dinner. I jumped in the car and headed over to the closest grocery store. In the same shopping area, there is a Starbucks. It was a gorgeous evening and all of the outdoor tables were full of people just sitting and enjoying a drink with a friend/significant other. It has been quite a while since I've had the chance to sit with friends and just hang out over a social coffee (or in my case, tea). On that evening, that scene really pulled at my heart with GREAT longing. However, I went in to the store, got my onion, and had a quiet evening, putting it out of my mind.
The next evening, after dinner and games, Mom asked about the bible study I was planning on attending tonight. I said I didn't know much about it but had mixed emotions about it. Part of me was excited (it's bible study - it's what I LOVE) but that I was nervous as well. Walking into an established group in the middle of a study is not an easy thing to do. I mentioned that I didn't know what they were doing so I didn't know what to expect. Erin shoots out, "Yeah, like if they are doing something like Nehemiah." I commented that I would love that - being an Old Testament girl and all. We talked about it a little more and then moved before saying good night.
So to my story. Tonight comes and I am beat! I briefly think about skipping study but I know one girl there is expecting me so I get in the car and drive over. When I arrive, only one other girl is there so we start chatting. I caught myself and asked if she was leading the study. She was so I apologized for talking and not allowing her to review her notes for the evening. She was kind and said she felt as set as she was going to get. I asked what they were covering and guess what she said - Nehemiah! A laugh burst out of my mouth and then I told her what Erin randomly said. Once everyone was there, we got to it and discussed chapter 3 - the rebuilding of the gates. It was pretty interesting and I would have loved to go deeper. I'm pretty sure I'll revisit that one on my own pretty soon. Anyway, we finished up and were just sitting around visiting. The girl who led the study looked around and said, "Does anyone want to take this over to Starbucks?" I didn't show it but inside I was falling off the couch! I wanted to yell out, "OH! Pick me!" but I showed restraint. We did. Five of us drove the quarter mile up the road and most of us got drinks. Then we found a table outside and just sat and talked - nothing serious at all. Just visiting. Just like those people on Friday evening. Just like I wanted. And it was exactly what I needed!
Nehemiah and Starbucks. Sometimes God speaks directly to our hearts in a way that only He can!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Spring Break Recap....
- Impact Garage Sale - made $27,000 for the Impact church! On a weekend of yucky weather, we are thankful!
- Shopping - I say that I'm in need of some new things when I know that is so superficial. I'll be honest though...it was fun. I could have done some damage but I exercised some self control. I'm pleased with what I got!
- Trip to Pleasanton - good visit! The only thing I would change is that I would get to see Darla. Next visit though.... Bonus, I got lots of time to visit with Erin while sitting on I-10 (a couple of times). The extra hour of our trip due to construction was not a highlight but we did get in more time together. Gotta look for that silver lining! Plus, I'm deluding myself to think that at five months Liz recognizes me. She's just so sweet and so big! She is my favorite little girl!
- Lunch with friends - I love long lunches with girlfriends! Especially if you haven't seen them in a few weeks. Good times!
- Spring! - officially Spring is here! I'm not too sure why but this is VERY exciting to me this year!
- No work! - I had about three projects I was going to work on this week for school. Didn't even start to look at any of them! I don't even feel guilty about it!
- Parents came into town - playing risk with the family and time to visit. Good times!
- Extended family photo shoot - I always enjoy time with the entire family. I think my favorite moment was when Malory stepped out of the car and saw all 22 of us standing there. She was warned but I guess seeing us all together was something else. There is always a thing or two that gets a laugh. Happened today. :) This may be vain but I really enjoy having my picture taken. They may not always turn out the best but it is fun. Watching others being photographed is fun too.
- Reading! - I finished one book and am almost finished with two more. I think the total is about 400 pages this week. It can't compete with Erin's 2,500 pages a few weeks ago but it is such a blessing to have the time to just enjoy books! Besides, I am a SLOW reader!
Overall, a good week. I'm rested and more ready to get back to it than I was a week ago. Hope you all had a great week!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Thirty Days Later....
About four or five days into this, I talked to Erin about not posting the journal because of its length and depth. She encouraged me to do what would benefit the whole thing most. She is so wise. You can obviously tell what I decided to do. So I want to thank you for indulging me the past 30 days. I know the posts have been LONG (they could have been much longer) and pretty personal at times. I didn't put everything out there. Some of you have been privy to some additional struggles and joys that didn't make it to the public eye. Thanks for taking part in this in your own way.
I really do encourage you to give this a try. It's simple - ask God to do His thing throughout your day and keep your eyes open. It's personal and touches exactly where He needs to do some work. He has always been there but this opens your spiritual eyes. You don't have to post you experience but if you decided to take the plunge, shoot me an email. I'd love to hear what He's doing for you. It would be a joy and blessing in my life but not half as much as it will be for you.
As I close this thing out, I have to share a scripture (Ephesians 3:17 - 21) I found myself praying on Tuesday night. At the time, it was for a dear friend but now I pray it over you in hopes that you will see God and have your socks knocked off. With great love -
I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Day Thirty: Timing
Jackie came over for lunch. She is such a sweet friend. That is a weird thought. Your first boyfriend's mother is now your friend. At 16, I could have never guessed. My heart does love this woman! She came to meet Liz and share lunch with us. I was thinking about today being day thirty as we sat by each other and it felt like I was hit upside the head with.... "Dana! You finished the book today. You know it is time to pass this on and this is who gets it next!" Anytime you get your head hit, it's a surprise. I tucked that away for a better time, anxious to do the hand off.
A little bit later, Erin and I went to Caleb's shop. It was the place to be this afternoon! We got there and he had customers lined up at the counter. We looked around and then got to have time to visit. As we looked around, I was just amazed again at my friend. I remember when he was throwing around the idea of a shop and now, four years later, the shop is flourishing. He is a business owner and has more confidence because of it. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not surprised at his success. I'm surprised by the transformation of the past few years. Erin mentioned that she saw it too. God can do some amazing things when we are faithfully waiting on Him and letting Him do His thing. Caleb is such an example of that.
Fast forward a few hours and there I sit in the ladies class talking about Herodius and feeling like I have a huge bulls eye on my heart. I'm not sure if anyone else could see it but God and I could. That is all that matters. Surprise, God let the lessons fall in such a way that the one I needed to hear was on the night I was visiting. He is SO good! Immediately after class, I got in line to talk to Jackie. I'll admit that I was nervous about it. I can see why some people would not be as receptive to this 30-experiment as others. However, when someone's name is screamed into your head, you hand over the book. Usually it is hard for me to let someone take one of my books. It is like handing off a friend. This time was very easy though - very right. I handed off the book and am now anxious to see what happens for her. I know that God has some things up His sleeves when she decides to jump in. Here's prayers for you, girl! It's going to be good!
I'm tempted to write more about this being day 30 but for now, I will just enjoy where I've seen God today. Tomorrow, I'll do the recap. I don't think it will end today though. Tomorrow may be day 31, Friday will be day 32, and on, and on. We'll see.......
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Day Twenty Nine: Worked Up
We got here and out came the grandparents. Mom and Dad came out too. Immediately there was one star in the house. I'll let you have one guess as to who it was but I'll give you a hint - it wasn't me. :) Liz got lots of love from lots of people who adore her.
At one point, I snuck off to visit with Caleb for a few minutes on the phone. He is such a blessing to me. Having a friend since you were seven can sure bring make you thankful! What a blessing! We have a really good time together. He can be honest with me and I know it is filled with love. I know there isn't a sour bone in this man's body. We know where the other is coming from. Besides Gregg, he is as close as it gets to a brother for me.
Then, about 6:45, I headed over to bible study. It went pretty well. I felt myself getting worked up at times but I tried to control it. For whatever reason, God sometimes just makes me get so wound up that I trip over the excitement. I never know how it comes across but I'm just thankful to be in a relationship with Him that makes that part of me come alive. Everytime it happens, I get surprised. It makes me really miss my Life Group. There is something precious about being intimately connected to those around you. Studying God and getting into each other's stuff can really bond people together. Especially when you get so worked up that you lose your words but they know what you are getting at.
I think that is my favorite thing about God. When He gets under your skin, you can't help but get worked up. I think that is something that I am really looking forward to in reading Sacred Pathways. I know it can be frustrating to not have others share your passion. However, I do believe that everyone does have a passion for God. We all get wound up and worked up about Him. We just do it in different ways and for different reasons. I think that knowing what gets people worked up about God would change the way that we see not only each other but even ourselves. What I get worked up about is different than what you get worked up about. What triggers my spirit to draw closer to God is different that what draws other hearts to God. This is where unity comes it. This is what God wants - all of us worked up about Him together but in deeply personal ways that He custom fit for us. This is one of our callings - a unified body that loves and embraces the individualism our creative God calls us to. Surprise, God wants us to be unified! Well duh......
Monday, March 16, 2009
Day Twenty Eight: Understanding People
This afternoon, I was reading in my big red chair (my favorite place to sit) and I looked over at the arm of it. Stacked beside me were another three books that I am currently reading through besides the one in my hands. FOUR books at one time! Oh dear..... I have officially turned into my grandparents. In the brief moments that followed, I had an ah-ha (surprise) moment. Of the four that I am reading, I would recommend three of them to others. One of them, I would recommend to everyone. I am so excited about them that I can't wait to share them! I suddenly understand my Grandpa so much better. Every time he hands me a book, I tend to groan a little but what I have missed for all of these years is the excitement he had for that work. With the giving of the book, he tells you about all it. When you give it back, he wants to know all about what you thought about it. He wants to share that excitement. I'm such a doofus! I've missed sharing that joy for years! And now I'm the one trying to push it on those around me. I'm definitely my grandfather's granddaughter! Just a little glimpse into understanding him better.
So the book that I mentioned earlier - plug time. I started reading Sacred Pathways by Gary Thomas today. I've had it for a while but I felt an urgency to read it today. In a nutshell, it is a book about the nine ways that different people experience worship and express love to God. Thomas states that the purpose of the book is to help us better understand how we worship. While I am looking forward to that part of it, I am reading it for a completely different reason. I'm really interested to see exactly how people do experience God - their pathways to worship. I have grown to believe that many differences that church bodies struggle with are not so much about doctrinal difference but differences of expression. These are things like expressive worship verses ritual worship, contemplating verses serving, etc. My goal in reading this book is to be able to look at a brother or sister and understand where they are coming from. I may not understand why they want to do what they do in worship. Instead of getting frustrated with them, I hope to be able to hear their heart crying out to love God in the way they were made to worship. I want to understand people better. To see their hearts. If anyone is interested, I'll tell more about the different pathways when I finish the book. All I've read so far is the first part and, surprise, I've already learned a lot - surprise!! I can see where I've messed up or dropped the ball in various relationships because I didn't understand someone's pathway.
I have so much to learn.....
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Day Twenty Seven: Tears, Laughter, and Awe
Following class, I was standing by the stairway next to the welcome center looking for a friend from Life Group. I didn't see her or her husband but I did see another man in our group. I could write a whole post on the amount of respect and love I have for this man and his wife (oh wait - I already did). We were chit chatting about this and that when I noticed that his eyes were red and a bit wet. I dead eyed him and did the, "No really, how are you?" thing. He told me that he just made someone mad in class. When I commented that I couldn't image that, he said hit a little too close to home for someone and this was the first time in a while he had upset someone. He didn't go into detail and that is fine because it was none of my business. All I could do was give him a hug. My heart ached for him because his heart beats for others. Seeing him appear to be shaken by the morning's class shook me. I think anyone would be surprised to see someone they admire shaken. And a man, nonetheless! What is it about a man with tears? It cuts your heart every time!
Fast forward to this evening....Life Group was small tonight. Between the Garage Sale and illness, our numbers were down. We discussed I John 1:1 - 2:14. Towards the end, we were talking about what it means when John comments that we can make Christ out to be a liar. My friend's husband tried to stifle some laughter but it just didn't work. He then proceeded to lead me (and I think all of us) to another surprise: using The Office to explain a biblical concept. That's right folks, Michael and the gang made it to Life Group tonight! He called to mind the Christmas episode of this season when Michael kidnaps Meredith and tries to force her into rehab for her alcoholism. They informed Michael that they couldn't keep her against her will and she was yelling, "No! No! No!" My friend pointed out that by denying the obvious, Meredith was making Michael out to be a liar. When we deny the obvious need for Christ in our life (or continue to deliberately sin), we make Christ out to be a liar. Christ died for our need so to say we don't need Him or His death, we make Him out to be a liar. His response at the end was, "I know, bad analogy but I just had to get it out." I just had to laugh!
Also at life group tonight, a lady came with her two children. She has been through a lot in the past two years. After moving his family to Texas from a very northern state, her husband repeatedly was caught in affairs and despite her desire/efforts to work on the marriage, they eventually divorced. She was telling us at dinner that her ex is getting remarried this weekend. The way that she talked about him and his fiance was AMAZING! After he repeatedly ripped her heart out and stomped on it, she talked about how happy she was for them. She adores his new wife-to-be and is praying for a smooth transition for her kids. She told us about her long process of forgiveness. She is incredible! She has every reason to hate him. After all, he did leave her after already moving on. Yet, she has found peace and now is an advocate for him before our Father. This was only the second or third time I have met her but I am already thankful for her presence in our group! Surprise - forgiveness in its purest form was eating pizza and salad with me!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Day Twenty Six: Home
After we left, Lyndsey and I headed to Harris County Steakhouse for some breakfast at lunchtime. Between my being out of town a few weekends and her work schedule, we haven't seen each other in about a month. It was really good to have lunch and visit. I know that not many people understand my desire to stay at a church where there isn't a peer group for me but Lyndsey feels the exact same way I do. We talked about our thankfulness for the church and our frustrations with it as well. We caught up with the goings on in each others lives. I think my favorite part was towards the end. Lyndsey was the person who suggested the Surprise Me book to me. I told her I am on day 26 and her eyes about popped out of her head. I somehow forgot the tell her I was doing this. She asked how it was going and what I was learning. It was SO wonderful to talk about it with her. She understands the significance and depth of its simplicity. When I talked about the threads I'm seeing woven throughout the days, she just smiled and nodded. Then I asked her what she learned when she went through it and as she shared, I just smiled and nodded. I love how shared experiences in God form bonds. Surprise #2.
After we said goodbye, I made my way to Barnes and Nobel to get a book I found online last night. It is called Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places by Eugene Peterson. The subtitle is "a conversation in spiritual theology". I'm really excited about it but needless to say it is NOT going to be a light read. I actually wanted to get another book of his but this is the first in the series. It is always good to start on book one. Since it is me, I spent an hour in B&N to buy one book. I carried around about five others but my inner financial steward helped me put the rest back. Those of you who know me will agree with this - Surprise #3. I added them to my list of books to buy in the future instead. Dave would be proud....
It was such a wonderful day! All day, I found my heart feeling at home. I remember Erin once saying that she didn't feel connected to Texas. I'm the opposite. I love to travel and could live else where but Texas is my home. I am happy where I am right now but my soul yearns for the hill country of Texas. As soon as I leave the city, I feel my body and soul just relax. Sitting in a barbecue place with old school country and the smell of brisket in the background just settles this girl's spirit. Now make no mistake, I am by no means a country girl. I wouldn't know what to do on a farm or ranch but being around it just soothes me. Add to that atmosphere, I was with a friend. Being in good company with someone of kindred experience just settles a heart. Every day I am more firmly convinced that we were created for community and relationship. I don't know how hermits do it. People (specifically friends) are home to me. Then a follow up visit to a bookstore, heaven on earth!!! I know that this home is temporary but God has blessed me immensely with a good place for the time being.
There are things that could have made this day better but I'm not too sure what they could have been. Surprises and blessings abound in the corners of my earthly home!
Friday, March 13, 2009
Day Twenty Five: From the Car to the Living Room
I found a professional development that I would like to attend. I'm not sure if it will be accepted but we'll see in a few weeks. It has some pretty big implications if I get a yes. More than likely, I'll be adding a HUGE responsibility to my load at work if it happens. I'm starting to second guess the proposal..... Maybe I'll email my boss tomorrow with my concerns.....
The weather made us cancel our Spring Fling today. Usually on the Friday before Spring Break, our wonderful PTO takes the kids outside for an hour so we get that time to plan/work. Not on a cold, wet day. Instead, we had a long indoor recess. It is always fun to listen in on kids playing. You sure learn a lot! Today, I learned that if you are mean to a friend, that makes the devil happy and you will go "down there" when you die. It's true! Just ask my six year old! In her words, "If you don't believe me, ask God. He always tells the truth!" :) Then the switch got flipped. That same little girl was the ring leader in excluding a little girl that wants nothing more to be included and just doesn't know how. I have to admit that the longer I teach, the more convinced I am that little girls are the meanest, most manipulative people on earth. I don't know where it comes from but God bless the parents that fight that battle for us everyday! Surprise - girls are mean! I know....that's not really news to anyone but it still surprises me every time my girls go after each other. How can something so sweet have such ugly sides too? I just don't get it..... I'm just eternally thankful that God makes all things beautiful in their time.
This evening has been quite tough. As I am taking part in Lent, I have really taken on a lot. I have chosen to give up something that is proving to be embarrassingly difficult for me. Somehow, I have noticed a habit of biting off more than I can chew. I don't know what withdrawl is like but this has got to be some of it. It is taking every ounce of self control I have not to just give in. I am more than surprised by how hard this has been. I am SHOCKED! Maybe that means it really is something that I needed to give up. Prayers for "stick-with-it-ness" are greatly appreciated!
My brain is tired and so are my eyes. I'm sure I'll look over this tomorrow and realize how little sense I am making. Oh well - Tomorrow morning is going to come quickly, full of things to do. Have a good night and sweet dreams!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Day Twenty Four: Gifts!
As we were scouring catalogues this afternoon and "shopping" online, a thought hit me. This is grace in a tangible form. We have done nothing to deserve this money and we are getting about $30,000 just because of where we work and who we work for. We did not apply for it and we did not seek it out. It is a free gift to us. The best part is that even though we are the ones getting to spend the money and make the purchases, we are not the ones truly being blessed by this grant. Our students will benefit more than we could do for them on our own.
Same thing with God. He has showered us with SO many gifts that we not only didn't seek out but did not even think to ask for! Just because He loves us, there it is. All we have to do is reach out and take it. And once we've done that, the gifts just keep on coming! The Holy Spirit does some mighty powerful things in our lives. We just reap the benefits and watch as He does His thing to bless those around us through us. That's the point, isn't it? To allow ourselves to be used to bless others? To allow ourselves to be used to serve others? Most of the time, it is from something bigger than ourselves. Bigger than our nature. Out of a love and compassion for them, we allowed to be used to pass along grace. What a big job! I am thankful that we serve an even bigger King!
So I find myself asking, where am I spreading the grace?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Day Twenty Three: Biggest Loser?
At work we are doing a biggest loser competition. I've got about fifteen pounds I need to shed so why not? This morning was weigh in and for the third straight week in row, I'm at the same weight. I'll be honest and admit that I haven't exactly been busting it to make any of that really happen. I have gotten better with my eating but that is about it. When the nurse recorded my weight, I just sighed and stepped off the scale. She responded, "At least you didn't gain so you don't have to pay in." Yeah, I know. It is just discouraging to not be moving at all.
It got me to thinking about our lives and how easy is it to just stay where we are. Not really requiring much of you but at the end of the day, you're discouraged. We are called to so much more than than where we are right now. I know God doesn't want us to just stay as we are. He has so much more in store for us and not only in the life to come. He wants us to have life NOW. I'll admit that as much work as I have seen God do in the past few years, there are parts of my life He would probably like to see me light a fire under. I could go into it but that gets pretty personal. Sorry - even for this open book, I'd like to reserve that one. I'm sure you understand.
So..... along with getting my rear in gear with our biggest loser contest, I'm taking the advice Mom gave me a week ago tonight and making a few other changes. It felt inspired and has stuck with me for a week. Last night was our last session of bible study until September. It was so good but it's time to dig in with another group. I've already talked to a girl at a church with a pretty active singles group. The "young professional" ladies are having a bible study every other Tuesday night and I'll be attending that after Spring Break. I thought it might be a good way to meet some new people and stay in the Word. So I'm thinking God is going to bless that one in more than one way. We'll see though....His ways are higher than ours!
On a side note, there has been something going on at work in the past few weeks that I have neglected to mention. Oops! At work, I have been asked to help out with curriculum on the district level for two different subject areas this summer! This is right up my alley! I'm pumped and feel pretty honored. Truth be told, it really makes me feel like this is exactly where I need to be. It's very strange to feel like you are right where you should be but are longing for something more, something deeper (yikes - another blog for another day). Anyway...it's just two days over the summer so that means some big work leading up to it. It's a bit overwhelming because our district has 32 elementary schools that will be effected by what we do this summer. That is a bit overwhelming to think about but I'm so excited! I definitely don't feel like a loser here! :)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Day Twenty Two: Compassion and Mercy
As I was getting ready for the day, I was thinking about something and I thought, "That isn't lost on me." I've noticed myself saying that a lot lately. I guess counting your blessings makes you realize how many you have. When you realize you don't deserve any of them, you don't take them for granted!
I would say that God pretty clearly answered a couple of prayers that I've been praying lately. This week I've been praying II Corinthians 1:3-4 which says: "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. Insert sigh here! In an exhausting, weary world, comfort is something we all need. In a state of troubled spirit, compassion is an ache. I'm so thankful that I have a Father who grants compassion and comfort of heart! Not only does He offer it but He equips us with it. Talk about a task set before us....He covered me today!
Those prayers came in handy during recess/lunch today when a student decided to throw all kinds of things around the room. I'm not talking pencils and spit wads either. I'm talking a lunch card, a yard stick covered in clothes pins, and almost a chair. God's comfort and compassion talked the chair back on the ground instead of it being hurled into the chalkboard. Thank you, Father, for that one!
Through it all, God is weaving a thread of mercy for me. Honestly, I've always struggled with understanding mercy. I can define it for you perfectly but truly getting it? Not until probably Sunday. Grace I understand a little bit better. Mercy? Not so much. It wasn't until I was praying the scripture above that I hit my knees and was humbled by His compassion and mercy. I am SO thankful that God withholds judgements that I too quickly make or hold on to. I am floored that He would look into my human heart and not be disgusted by it. I am infinitely thankful that God is my judge and I am not. What a mess I would be in! His mercies are truly new every morning!
Now, I'm about to give in to the comfort of my bed in eager anticipation of tomorrow's mercies. 4:45 just hit me......
Monday, March 09, 2009
Day Twenty One: Flotsam and Jetsam
Here's another thing about these 30 days. You spend all day on your toes looking for how God is going to surprise you. Since you are looking for it all day, your mind is on Him all day long. I have grown to think that is the point of it all. When you are living in anticipation of God, knowing that He really is in every moment of every day, you will be amazed at what you will see. Everywhere you look is a lesson to be learned or an ah-ha to be had or just or awareness of Him. The majority of it depends on you. How much do you want to see God? How much effort do you put into getting into the richness of Him? How much credit do we give Him when life takes certain turns?
Example: I have a little girl that I adore in my class. Today we both wore yellow shirts and black pants. We took a matchy-matchy picture that I wish I could post on here in the worst way. (Darn privacy laws! It's really too cute for words!) Immediately, I was surrounded by all 12 of my girls wanting to know what I am wearing tomorrow so we can all match and take pictures. It's quite humbling to know that all of those little eyes are watching you wanting to be just like you. You really hope you aren't doing anything to permanently scar them. And not just my 12 girls but my 5 boys as well. I lay a hand on each one as they walk in my room each morning and pray blessings on them and grace on me. It makes we think about verses talking about being transformed into His likeness and I feel the weight of that with every glance of those 34 eyes. I have such a long way to go! Now who would think to see God in a matchy-matchy picture? I wouldn't if I hadn't been looking for it.
Or that it was a GORGEOUS day today and we had a wonderful recess. The flowers are starting to bloom and God is bringing the earth back to life again. The air is crisp and the kids got along. What a Creator we have! Glory be!
Or that yesterday I went to check Erin's blog and her random daily scripture was exactly the one I needed to be praying and didn't have the words for.
And that's not even the tip of the iceberg. So let me just encourage you to keep your eyes open. There is presence with you all the time if we just open our spiritual eyes to see Him.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Day Twenty: Laughing
On the way to life group tonight, I decided to call Mom for our daily chat. Towards the end of our conversation, I asked about one of her co-workers. She was relaying a story to me and I started to laugh. Not really a belly laugh but a pretty decent giggle. The story wasn't that funny but for whatever reason, out it came. It felt SO good - like bubbles floating up through my chest and out my mouth! I tried to remember when the last time was that I just laughed. Sadly, I cannot remember. Not that things are bad, just serious. Within a split second (and while still listening to Mom, of course), it seemed as if God whispered, "There it is! I made that sound and you've been holding it in. Relax and just let it go!" So I did. After we hung up, I just sat in my car and laughed for a good two or three minutes. No reason other than it was just time. I went in feeling really good.
I think that is a prayer I need to lift up. Lord, let me relax and see more humor around me. Help me to let it go and give me the gift of laughter!
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Day Nineteen: People

Day Eighteen: Slug
I am a neat, orderly person. I'm not a neat freak or germaphobe. I do like to be able to know where things are and LOVE the idea of people just dropping by. As of late, I have really let my housekeeping go. I'm not living in filth but if anyone did just drop by, I would be SO embarrassed. There are stacks everywhere, things are not put away, and all because I have gotten pretty lazy. I am tired at the end of the day and instead of just doing a little every day, I give in and just do nothing. The 30 minutes a day it would take to get this place in shape is given over to that book I'm reading, that show that is coming on, or looking that thing up online. After all, it is just me that lives here, right!? One more day won't hurt! It's not that bad! Then a week or two goes by and I find myself thankful that people don't just drop by anymore (which really is sad but that's another post for another day). So now I look around me and fully feel like a slug. Have you ever seen a slug? NOT cute! I don't know anyone who looks at a slug and longs to be around it (unless you are a very little boy).
I have even noticed this at work. I am tired and just leave without taking the few minutes to get things in order. Then, the next morning, I have to take care to yesterday's "stuff" as well as today's. It snowballs into an overwhelming mess. I've got work under control now and it is WONDERFUL! I can leave earlier, find things quicker, the kids are even responding better to it, and I feel less crazy in my room.
As I thought about this, my surprise "ah-ha" hit me. The status of our surroundings reflect the status of our internal being. The more useless and blah I feel, the more disorderly things around me get. Then the more chaotic things around me get, the more out of control and slug-like I feel.
I know, this isn't earth shattering stuff but sometime you just need are REALLY good reminder!
So I have made myself a resolution to get myself back in order - for myself and others.
For myself, I can see but for others? I've been thinking on hospitality lately. I think God's got something up His sleeve. I've actually been feeling the clausterphobia of an apartment for the first time in my life. I can't host lifegroup, have a jewelry part for my cousin, invite people over for games, or even have more than about three friends over for dinner because I don't have room for it. Just inviting the five members of my family over for dinner can get cramped. I am thankful for the space I have but feel stiffled in serving/being hospitible in my home. Add to the room issue the mess issue and I'm just really wanting to get it in gear!
Alright, God, this weekend we work the ground work on this one. Time to step it up and stop being a slug!
Friday, March 06, 2009
Day Seventeen: Shooting Straight
So yesterday, I tried a new tactic. I pulled her out in the hall and said the following, "You know that I love you. You are smart and have lots of friends. However, you have the worst attitude in the class and it makes all of those good things about you stink." She looked like I sucker punched her and maybe I had. She sure wasn't expecting that first thing in the morning. I told her exactly what was bad about her attitude and how it made everyone around her feel. I told her she was starting to show signs of being a bully. The eye rolling, sighing, and growling started. I immediately stopped and called her on it. I told her very specifically what her consequences are from here on out for those responses. I also gave her the new job in our class of the caboose (walks at the end of the line to turn off the lights and close the door). She hates it and tries to get out of it everytime. Her classmates don't let her forget and she growls and stomps her feet to the end of the line. What she doesn't know is that I'm keeping her at that job until she can show me she can do it with a good attitude. I'm going to tell her that I can't give her another job until she shows me she can do this one correctly. And she is one of my go-to girls so this is really going to hurt her. Oh well....it will be good for her in the end. At the end of our talk, I reaffirmed the things that are good about her and that I love her. That seems to be the proverbial spoonful of sugar. We hugged and went in the room.
Ever since we had that talk, things have been a little smoother. I think the shooting straight thing really helped her know exactly where I was coming from. It makes me think about the bigger picture. How many of our relationship issues are because we don't shoot straight? I know that I don't like to hurt feelings so I don't tell people how it is when things aren't going well. I'll put a bandaid on it for a quick fix but avoid saying exactly what I'm thinking/feeling for fear of damaging the relationship. With my little girl, being that honest (in a loving way) is appearing to really made the difference. There isn't as much damage as I thought and we seem to be doing better. And I've never known God to beat around the bush with anything or anyone. It is risky for someone who is non-confrontational - uncomfortable at the least. I know I appreciate honesty if done in love. So that is the surprise of the day - quit buying bandaids and learn to shoot straight! Yikes!
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Day Sixteen: Prayer
Last fall, several of us decided that we would like to do a bible study since our regular one was not being held for the semester. After some ho-humming and looking at many different authors/studies, we decided on Beth's Daniel study. Basically, someone had the DVD set so we didn't have to spend any money. Free is always good. We sent out the email, got the workbooks, and showed up for our first session. There were seven women and Dr. J. Bless his heart! He attended several sessions before the duties of being a principal called him out for good. But he did it! Weeks of attending a study for women. Out of his comfort zone but he shared that he was blessed by it. What a trooper!
Fast forward to Monday. I was listening to the radio and they announced something that was being done is Washington that day that shocked and bothered me. I immediately email the family and two co-workers. I thought about adding Dr. J to the email but decided against it. There is a difference between knowing someone's stance on political issues and someone's stance on abortion. So I decided against it. One of my co-workers forwarded it on to him anyway. Her response was, "Dana, we're Catholic. Of course he is pro-life!" Yeah, I played it safe though. Within minutes of her sending him the email, he sent out a campus wide email sharing that there would be a patriotic rosary held on Wednesday morning in the library to pray over our country and the decisions being made.
Now, I'm one of those people that thinks if someone puts themselves out there for you, you should reciprocate in some way. So Dr. J came to a women's Bible Study. Awkward for him. So, I decided to go to the rosary he was going to lead. Awkward for me.
As I finished passing out papers, I seriously considered skipping the rosary. I would go if Jill were here. I can pray on my own here in the room. I'm not Catholic. Bottom line, this is important to someone I respect a lot, he put himself out there for us last fall, cooperate praying is always a good thing. Ok.....I'll go.
There were six of us (his daughter came of her own accord - talk about a proud daddy!). I've never been to a rosary. In a nutshell, it was uncomfortable but a blessing in its own way. I could not bring myself to say the "Hail Mary"s. I still can't get myself around that one. However, there were some very cool things about this specific rosary. We prayed over each branch of the government - national to local - by name. We prayed over specific leaders by name. We prayed over the people and governments of each state - by name. As we prayed, I visualized people whose faces and hearts I know. Some were people I haven't thought about in years. But on this morning, we were praying over them. For states/branches I did not know anyone in, I just visualized that state. It was pretty powerful!
I think that we get wrapped up in general prayer sometimes (praying for the country and it's leaders) and we forget the power of praying for specific people and the decisions they are making. I wonder how much of an injustice that is for them as well as for us? Hmmm....
So I attended my first rosary at school (lead by my principal....if that is lost on anyone, let me just tell you, that blessing is NOT lost on me). Yes, it was difficult and I really didn't get aspects of it. Don't think I will. Don't really know if I'll ever attend another one. However, God sure did talk to me about the good that can come out of it. And He blessed the time spent in prayer too. It was a very peaceful day. Again, getting outside myself and pouring into Him first thing in the morning. Sure does remind me that the day really should start with Him.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Day Fifteen: The Prodigal
This evening at bible study, the lesson revolved around the Prodigal Son. I will admit that this is one of the the passages that makes me check out. Not because I have anything against it but because it is SO familiar to me. However, God used it tonight to speak such a sweet message to us all. The theme of the lesson was "When we realize, as heiresses of God, that we've squandered so much of our Father's property...." It spent some time addressing some things that, THANKFULLY, have not applied to my past but what followed was the sweetest, most hopeful "Come to Jesus" lesson I have ever heard. To me, it was almost like a warm, familiar blanket straight from the dryer - fresh and clean but full of the familiar that makes it your favorite. As the lesson went on, God flooded my mind with people and images of Him running to. Not only in my life but in the lives of those around me. He reminded me of His goodness and patience as He waited for His children to come home to Him because that is where we belong. Through the remembrances of those around me, I was gently reminded that some lessons, activities, moments are not about me. Sometimes they are for the benefit of others and we are just privileged to watch God do His thing. What a blessing!
The lesson was full of great points but one stood out more than others (like one usually does). In the past few weeks, I have had Galatians 1:10 on my mind. It says, "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." It's had me really thinking about why I do (and don't do) things. I'm not 100% sure where this is taking me yet but I'm getting an idea. Anyway - as we talked about that lovely older brother, this verse popped into my mind again. I'm telling you, it is following me everywhere.
So today's surprises - 1) a fresh word from a familiar passage and 2) being mentally stalked by a verse. I'd say it was a good one!
Monday, March 02, 2009
Day Fourteen: Thankful
1. God's plan prevailing over my own in all things!
2. Mom praying for my husband while I quit fighting and let God handle it. For me, its like Aaron and Hur holding up Moses's arms during battle when Moses couldn't do it himself (Exodus 17). I know she isn't the only one holding up these weary arms and I am thankful for each one of you! One day, when we meet him, I'll be blessed beyond measure to show him how many people prayed over him. I am humbled and choked up just thinking about it!
3. Being organized and with it really does help your productivity and time management!
4. Reality is so much better than anything man can force or make up!
5. Dinner was actually planned and timed perfectly. For me, that is very rare!
6. Having friends and family I can share my "What!?" moments with at 7:15 in the morning (via email).
7. God is in control even when people do things I cannot understand.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
Day Thirteen: The Little Things
1. I have discovered that I really enjoy cooking - especially for other people. I spent about an hour today looking up new recipes, anticipating when I'll get to make them, and who it will be for. Seriously, if I cook for you, you can bet that I thought about you the entire time I was making it. There was also most likely some prayer over you as it was being prepared as well. It is becoming a love language for me.
2. I was able to get all of my errands completed in about two hours today rather than the three or four I was anticipating. And I didn't forget anything!
3. I ran into someone that I met on the retreat last weekend on the way out the door at church this morning. Doesn't sound like a big deal but I thought I had missed her. It was like seeing a long lost friend. She's going to be someone important....I can tell.
4. I broke down and finally bought the Hello Love album and a new album by Barenaked Ladies (BNL) from iTunes. I already love them both for such different reasons. Chris Tomlin helps me worship and BNL makes me laugh. Two great things to do on this day!
5. Erin got her WAY adorable new layout so I got the steal her temporary one that I happen to think is fabulous!
6. I had the kids during Life Group tonight and they were SO good! We talked about the Fruit of the Spirit using a lesson I found online. They were so precious. I do love those boys and girls!
7. It is time for my next memory verse and I chose Psalm 40:5 - Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.
What can I say......It was a great day overflowing with the little joys that make an ordinary day a blessing!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Day Twelve: Beauty and the Beast
The first surprise was more in the form of appreciation. Today, I was blessed to watch my niece for about four hours while her parents spent time with a couple expecting their first child. Liz could not have been better! She was WONDERFUL and I was amazed by so many things about her. One of my favorite moments was .... oh, wait...her mother is going to post on that....I better not steal that thunder. :) It was all so good! That wasn't the surprise. I already knew she is wonderful. What surprised me was how tiring it was! I work with 17 students each day and it can take it out of you. Today, I am just about as tired! Granted, it may be linked to the fact that I stayed up later than normal but Little Girl wore me out! Always being aware, listening for every sound, watching the clock for nap/bottle times/etc.....I have a new found appreciation for what my sister does each day! Yes, I work with 17 six and seven year olds all day every day (along with the business of school) but they are very self sufficient compared to my four month old niece. I love her but girl made my senses heighten to near overload. So all of you stay at home moms...more power to you!I hope to have the honor of your job one day. Until then, you have my full admiration!
The second surprise actually started last night. Erin and I went to dinner and I was sharing something about a person in my life. As I talked, I shared that I have become very judgemental of this person. It wasn't a huge ah-ha moment for me. The surprise wasn't that I have become judgemental but that it has gotten this far. I hate that I look at them and have all of these thoughts running through my mind. I know that the heart of the problem lies with me, not them. I love them and want none of this! I was able to have some time (nap time!) on my own this afternoon and I talked at length to God about it. Confronting the ugliness within is a hard thing to do but a necessary part of the purifying process. It is so hard to see those parts of yourself that seem so beastly. I am forever grateful for a Father that loves my in spite of those human tendencies instead of acting as I do.
You know, as much as I love Beauty and the Beast, I always wanted to play the part of Beauty. I never wanted to be the Beast. However, if I am going to let someone else play Beauty, no one is more deserving than Miss Liz and her amazing mom!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Day Eleven: Phone Call
Adrienne is one of those friends that everyone should have! She is funny, positive, upbeat, passionate, and really there when you need her. In a very loving way, I have always been slightly intimidated by talking to her. She is sweet as can be and I have been afraid that she would realize how significantly not cool I am. But that is part of her cool-ness....she ignores my nerdiness.
So back to the phone call, SUCH ease of conversation! She shared with me some of the things in her life and I immediately know this is exactly why the call was made. I prayed as she talked and I know it will keep going for a while. Then, just non-stop visiting. Catching up with a very dear friend. Such a blessing!! My phone started beeping (shock) so I had to cut it short. But for 25 minutes, God gave me a full conversation with my friend. I hope it happens again very soon. I do love that girl!
So, Adrienne, you were my surprise from God today! I would count it as one of my favorites.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Day Ten: Radio Alarm Clock
I've been wanting a radio alarm clock for a while and, thankfully, my parents got me one for Christmas. Usually, my alarm goes off about 5:00 and I get up somewhere a little bit later. It has been really nice waking up to KSBJ each morning. One thing that I have learned is that at 5:00, there is a 30 minute Focus on the Family radio spot. I've heard tidbits of everything from weight loss to traits to look for/watch out of in a mate, child rearing advice, etc. I say tidbits because I usually hit snooze or just lay there dozing in and out of actually listening. This morning though....God had something to tell me!
My alarm went off but unlike every other day, I was wide awake! So I thought I would see what the topic of the morning was before getting up. Jim Cymbala was the featured speaker and he had quite a bit to say about prayer and its power. I was riveted to the radio! I cannot remember the last time I felt my senses on such high alert - especially first thing in the morning. There was nothing new or special in his message but they were cutting my heart. I didn't move for thirty minutes and as soon as it was over, I was convicted to literally hit my knees. I stayed there for a while and got up to go in the living room to read Terry's daily entry in Surprise Me! I've been reading it each morning to get ready to pray. It isn't deeply spiritual. In fact, it is a daily record of what happens and where he has seen God - just like this is (but better written and published). So I got in the big, red chair and started with the first page of the day. God pretty much said, "Nope, not yet! You and I need to spend some more time talking." So down I went again.
Now this isn't the most earth shattering statement ever made but starting the day in prayer made SUCH a difference! And not just prayer but on the floor, knees to the earth prayer. Not just asking for stuff but adoration and just listening instead of doing all the talking. It puts you in your place!
I've never been very good at getting up early and starting the day with prayer/reading/quiet time. In fact, getting up to read this journal has been as close as I have ever gotten. This morning, God seemed to tell me, "Dana, before you even read about someone else's encounters with me, you need to have one yourself." It was totally worth it!
The conviction to start the day in prayer and in the word may actually make the getting up at 5:00 thing happen!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Day Nine: Calendar
I don't think that there is anything more holy or significant at this time of year than any time. However, it is a time of fasting. I personally believe that fasting has become a lost discipline for many people. I'm sure not as practiced in it as I would like to be. I think there is something significant in denying yourself in order to seek God. I think it is when we act in such a way, we are rewarded with personal realizations as well as a purification. When we struggle for something better, I truly believe that God will reward it. We are told to ask, seek, and knock. When we do, we will receive and be answered. That is how I view a fast. So why Lent? We have many examples of corporate fasting in scripture. For me personally, it isn't an attention thing. It is an accountability things. Knowing that my co-worker can ask me at any time how it is going helps me maintain my focus. It helps me to know that together, we are seeking God in our own ways. Yes, I know that not everyone has that same mind set and some will be going through the motions. However, I am only responsible for myself and my heart in this. And this year, my heart is surprisingly excited about this season!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Day Eight: Control
At some point today, Mom made the comment, "...as you are always so under control". What!?!? I need to state, for the record, that this is SO far from true! Years ago, I quickly learned that "in control" is so far away from where I am, I'm not even sure it can be connected in the same solar system. It took me quite a while but I have learned that relinquishing control to someone who actually knows what He's doing is a much better place to live. So the thought that people may think that I am under control surprised me greatly! Not only that people may think I'm under control but that my mother thinks that! She's the one who gets the frantic phone calls. She is who I call when I know I'm off in another world and need to be brought back to earth. She is who I call when I feel completely out of control and need to be reigned in. That she would deem me worthy of being in the same sentence as control just about does me in!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Day Seven: Refiner's Fire
Apparently I have a pretty short fuse at times. And crunch time at the beginning of the day is not the best foot to start out on. There was traffic before and after work. Many drivers got my two cents and then some. I also learned what it means to get so annoyed with someone that your vision blurs. I may have over-reacted slightly and singled someone out who most likely didn't deserve it. That has never happened before and it scared me to death. As soon as it happened, a co-worker walked in my room and I don't know what she saw/heard. Truth is, it wouldn't matter because it wasn't pretty at all. I'm ashamed....to say the least.
So into the fire we go.....
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Days Four, Five, and Six: The Retreat
This weekend was the Ladies Retreat for the women of West Houston church of Christ. We went to Lake Tomahawk just outside of Livingston, TX. The theme of the weekend was based on the book and video series "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas. It was a good weekend. For most, it was the beginning of something that God started doing in my life about a month ago. It was exciting to watch these women starting to take these leaps of faith, knowing what they will experience in days to come. God is amazing at changing lives!!! Here is a brief rundown on surprises day by day:Day 4: Friday - Shutting Down and Opening Up
I was very pleasantly surprised to actually make it away from school and to the church on time. School has a tendency to suck me in and consume my time. Yet, my alarm on my phone went off and out the door I walked. Everything wasn't done but I left the guilt there with what I'll pick up on Monday morning. Then, I arrived at the church and got on the bus on time. Anyone who knows me will see the surprise in that! :)
As we joined together for our first session, I noticed that I have come into a season of joy and anticipation. After years of healing and selfishness, God has now deemed it fit that it is time to celebrate and move on to the next level. This was given by our theme verse for the weekend, I Peter 2:2-3, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk so that you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."
Can I just say, I have tasted that the Lord is good!!! In all ways and in all things, God is good! Now that I can say and embrace this about all seasons and experiences, it is again time to move on again. I have no idea what that is but right now I am very excited about the unknown.
Day 5: Saturday - Redeemed
For years, I have heard the name Redeemer. While there have been many times that a theological definition has been given, yesterday was the first personal experience I have had with deeply knowing that I have a personal Redeemer and what that means.
We started the day off with quiet time and I chose a place on the lake. The fog was a thin layer over the lake, swirling and lifting as if turned by the fingers of God Himself. It made me think about the image of the Spirit hovering over the waters in the beginning.
As I sat and stared at it, one verse kept running through my mind - Ecclesiastes 3:11 - "He has made everything beautiful in its time." The Spirit began to speak over me that this is what redemption is. God has not only been there with me and seen every hurt, disappointment, and struggle, but He has healed it and now is making it beautiful. This beauty is taking something Satan intended for evil and making it something He can use for His purpose. I'm learning that everything that happens, God will use it for His glory and for His people. I'm beginning to see a pattern to some quiet times I've been having (see day 1).
Now not only am I seeing redemption in my life but in those lives around me. I'm seeing relationships healed, hearts changed, spiritual eyes opening, mighty works being performed, and people taking risks for Him. Redemption is God calling His people out of a place complacency and drawing them back to Him.
Day 6: Sunday - Famous
Today's surprise is short. One simple line but it has run through my mind all day. It is a truth that is now a prayer. We will see how it plays out because right now, I have no idea what God will do with it.
I want to make God's fame known on this earth.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Day Three: Contemplation
The whole concept of this is to wait on God. It is to put yourself aside and just be open to His will, His plan, His way. So I find myself looking for Him in everything all day long. Along the way, I'm getting all of these mini-lessons throw at me. Here are a couple of examples from today:
- One of my students kind of drives me nuts. It really isn't her fault. She is an active child, unable to focus and it is really hurting her education. She is a sweet girl but just wears me out in every way. But she has been entrusted to me this year so we'll see how it plays out. Anyway, we had an assembly today and she got to sit by me "so she could see" (and would be within arms reach if need be). She was WONDERFUL! Apparently, literally sitting at my feet and leaning on my legs is very soothing to her. Made me remember that sitting at the feet of God can have the same affect of me. Not asking anything but just sitting, leaning, and being in His presence. I've got to do that more often!
- A little girl earned a reward and when I told her what it was, she started crying and told me that she didn't want THAT reward. She wanted something else. It got all over me and made me so irritated! Immediately, I was slapped with the thought that isn't that what I sometimes do to God? He blesses me when He is under no obligation and I just complain that it isn't what I wanted. I can be such a brat....and He loves me anyway!
- As I input grades into the grade book, I found that I was super excited when a struggling kid got a 70 on an assignment and when a high achieving kid got a 100, I just shrugged it off as expected. It made me think about the story of the angels rejoicing over the lost one that was found rather than the 99 saved. I then thought about how much I need to be like that - honoring and celebrating the growth rather than the expected.
- I have also found myself praying some pretty surprising things. Last night, I was driving home from church listening to the song I posted a week ago ("Something Big" by John Waller). I found myself overwhelmed again and I heard myself pray that I am tired of being in His way. I'm tired of putting myself in the way of what He wants to do. What made my eyes shoot open was not so much the words I was praying but the sincerity behind them. I fully believe that the biggest thing in the way is me and I'm tired of it!
So that is day three. Tomorrow I am leaving right after work to head to the ladies retreat so I won't post again until Sunday. Something else that Esau and I agree on is that writing about the day is nearly the most significant part of the day. It helps to process what has gone on. It feels like God is whispering what He thought was most important for me to remember from the day. So that is why these posts are so long. Enjoy your three days to get through this one. The next one will cover at days 4, 5, and 6. It's sure to be a novel.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Day Two: The Email
Michelle and I were walking out the door to head to bible study when my phone chimed. I had just received a text from Erin telling me she wasn't making it to bible study. I was immediately bummed. Even though we haven't really had the opportunity to discuss it like studies in the past, one of my favorite parts of Tuesday nights has always been to talk about it afterwards. Yes, Mom gets a summary of the night's lesson on my drive home but its not the same as talking about it with someone who was there. And who better to talk about it with that the person who knows you better than just about anyone? So I was bummed but I got over it and study was good (obviously).
Fast forward to this morning. The kids were doing the calendar thing and I took advantage of the time to quickly check my email. Sitting in my inbox was an email from Erin. This is not anything surprising or out of the blue. I get emails from her at least once a week at school. This one was different though. From the way that the screen is laid out, the first thing my eyes saw was, "I have to tell you this and I'm not sure why but after reading your blog post I am compelled to do so." Ok...insight into Dana: Telling me that you feel compelled about anything makes me take significant notice - especially when you don't know why. In my mind, compelled means "burdened by God." Whether you agree with that definition or not, that has been my experience as the one compelled to share and as the receiver. So, needless to say, my students faded into the background and I was focused. My Erin then went on to speak such sweet words over me that I had tears in my eyes (I do again just remembering it). Everything that I would have wanted to talk to her about after last night's lesson was laid out before me in writing. It was a written affirmation that I was not off in left field with where the lesson had taken me. However, more significantly, it was SUCH a gift to my heart to know that even though we were not there together in study, we have a bond that allows us to speak directly into each other's hearts. She may not feel the same way but she is used that way in my life. I don't know that I would call the email this morning a surprise but definitely an affirmation and significant reminder that my heart apparently needed.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Day One: Entrusted and Trusting
My day was much the same. Followed the regular Tuesday schedule with no bumps or out of the blue incidents. The same things that make me laugh, make me chuckle today. The same things that irritate me, irritated me today. However, dinner with some co-workers was really good (almost hated to end it) and two of us cleared the parking lot after bible study sharing concerns and passions for our curriculum/students. Then it ended with the most adorable pictures of my sweet niece that will make your heart melt. She looks like her beautiful mother in many of them! Erin is getting good with that camera!
Yet, starting this experiment on a Tuesday means starting it on a bible study day. Of course, there are blessings each week when that time is invested! So here was the overall themes to tonight's ah-ha moments for me (also known as today's surprise).
Tonight, we talked about the boundary lines that have been placed around our lives. The areas that hem us in and help define who we are, per se. They were intimacy with God, our past (specifically our hurts and pains), our life experiences (everything that we have been through, where we have been, and the things that make us who we are), and our spiritual gifts. We looked at each one in depth but one common theme rang in my ears with each point: I have been entrusted with each of these things. God has redeemed me and found me worthy of the experiences that define who I am. He has entrusted every moment, every experience, every characteristic, everything that makes me tick. He has given me these things not only to define me but to use me. Every joy and sorrow, when sanctified by Him, can be used for His glory. And that is a humbling thought!
For a few months now, I've been thinking on something. There is a part of my testimony that I do not share. In fact, VERY few people have heard it. I am very private about it because it is shared with another person. To share this part of my past means sharing very personal things about that individual. I am very aware of this and try to be very considerate of that. So, I don't share it. However....a few months ago, I was listening to another woman share her story and it sounded significantly like mine. I approached her afterwards and told her that I appreciated her sharing that. Her response really got to me. She told me that everytime she tells her story, more women come to her and share that they have been secretly carrying the same burden/hurts. There is a growing need for people to be a support for individuals that have been where we have walked. She said that while not everyone will give public testimonies, more people need to be open to helping people deal with this situation. I've been thinking about this since October and I have a feeling that at some point, I will be called upon to share that part of my past with someone else. Tonight, it was all over my mind as I listened and took notes. I have no idea when, who, or how but I know that God entrusted that experience in my past to me so that He could do something with it at some point. So right now, I'm beginning to trust that He will not only finish redeeming it for me, but will cause it to work for the good. So we will see in days to come how this will turn out. Until then, I am humbled to be entrusted with such a task and trusting that when the time comes, it will not be me at all doing the work but the One who redeems!
Monday, February 16, 2009
What's to Come
Moving on....
Tomorrow I am starting something new. A friend recommended a book a few weeks ago called Surprise Me by Terry Esau. The premise behind the book is that Esau decided to spend one month seeking God rather than putting himself before God. What that looked like for him was that his first and main prayer of the day was simply, "Surprise me, God". Then, throughout the day, he would look for God at work in everything from the mundane to the pivotal. The book is not only his personal journal of the 30 days but also a dare for others to complete the same experiment. I'm going to take the challenge and for 30 days, I'm going to pray "Surprise me, God". For each of the 30 days, I'm going to post what happens. I have no idea what to expect except that God will be there. What better way to spend a month? So stay tuned........
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Verse 4
I truly don't know what could be better! I have a God that LOVES me like crazy! He shows this by making sure that I have a solid foundation of love so I will not fall. He keeps me from falling prey to Satan's schemes, from falling victim to my own undoing, or falling to my knees before any false gods. Then, He takes it a step further. He is doing all this so He can introduce me to His Father, pure and holy, excitement bubbling over! In my mind, it looks like having your new love introduce you to his parents - hopeful anticipation and sure of how much they will adore "the one". And that is how God sees me! If that doesn't make a girl giggle, I don't know what will! I can't wait to meditate on that for two weeks!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
My Life in Ten Blessings
1. I was blessed to be born into a home where God was present. One of my first pictures is of my first Sunday at church because it was such a significant part of who my parents were. I grew up saying prayers a dinner and bed time. We sang VBS/Sunday school songs at home and in the car. My grandmother’s cross stitch of Jesus Loves Me hung on my wall. As the years went on, our songs sometimes turned into discussions and, at times, debates. I have a sister who has stood by me through thick and thin. She is my best friend sand the greatest gift I have been given on this earth. She has brought even more of love by way of family to me. God was present from my early years.
2. I grew up in a fairly conservative church. While I have both embraced and struggled with this throughout various years in my life, I will forever be thankful for it. The men and women in the church introduced me to the majority of the scripture that I know today. They taught me how to use my bible, how to internalize what I studied, and how to not be ashamed of it. The body taught me about loving others and serving even when you are tired. The taught me how to stick with it even when things get hard because that is what a real family does. I learned about the church as a family.
4. I had a wonderful youth group. We didn’t go on mission trips or campaigns. What we did do was keep each other out of a lot of stereotypical teenage trouble. Sure, there were broken windows/lights/trampolines/doors/etc, playing in the church building when we should not have been, and a whole list of other things. However, we were safe and accepted together. Our parents trusted us together. Eventually, we were able to get a bible study going that lasted a good while. Not many people had that and I am forever thankful for them.
5. I started my college career at Lubbock Christian University. This is where I feel in love with the Old Testament. I had a professor named Dr. Jesse Long. I have never again had a professor who had such an impact on me. My eyes were opened to the humanity of the people God called out and loved deeply. I learned to thirst for the words of the prophets. In the pages of our history, I began to see God for who He is. He may never know it but Dr. Long significantly changed my spiritual life. If for no other reason, I know God led me to LCU to have that part of my heart unlocked.
6. After a semester at LCU, I knew it wasn’t where I needed to be. For the first time in my life, I truly believe that I felt a nudging from the Lord, took a step of faith, and left LCU without a college to transfer into. For months I waited on the Lord before he gave me a “Yes” to A&M. God gave me a small taste of what it would eventually mean to wait on the Lord.
7. My time at A&M opened my eyes to a world of passionate, person relationships with God. I saw what it means to desire Him from a wide assortment of people and authors. For the first time, I understood what it means to grow your own faith. The years to come would hold conversations that I am sure startled my parents at times. My questions and beliefs have built up new relationships and caused others to end. In the end, God is a purifier and I have full faith that He is working all things out for His perfect and pleasing will.
8. In His great wisdom, God saw fit that I should be humbled and shown exactly what I have been saved from. For a time, God allowed me to experience a pit, closely followed by His grace, and His mercy. He taught me about His timing and control. He showed me what He meant when he said that His ways are higher than mine. (Glory!)
9. In the past year and a half, God has been working with me on trust in all things. From where He would lead me to live, to where He would have me work, to the church He would draw me to, and then the times in my apartment alone, He has been molding me into someone I could never have imagined three years ago. He is teaching me to pray in faith and to trust that He has not only heard but answered. He is drawing out a desire to fully want to know His will and purpose for this life He has given me. He is helping me to let go and know that this life is truly not my own. In a word, it is freedom!
10. God has surrounded me by an assortment of daily witnesses to my life. From the rock and constant safe place of my sister, brother, and niece; to a life group of bold, empowered men and women; to a staff of amazing, godly individuals, God is teaching me about the beauty of His body. Our different talents and gifts - who we have been perfectly made to be in Him - all coming together for His glory! I am humbled to be a part of it daily!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Prayer in Lyrics
I want to see something I've not seen
Something so big
I want to be a part of something great
Greater than me
It's time to dream big dreams
To see your vision become reality
Cause its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
We, yes we, are gonna sing a brand new song
Something so strong
And we will be the sound that wakes the dawn
Something so loud
Its time for breaking through
Cause there are no limits for He who holds the truth
When its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
Something bigger
Something greater
For the glory of your splendor
Something bigger
Something greater
Tell the story of your wondrous love
Something so big its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Medicine
If you want to be scared out of your mind, read the side effects of prescription medication! Here are a few of my current favorites:
- Do not stop this medication without checking with you doctor. Stopping suddenly may result in serious side effects. (WOW! This makes me not even want to start it! What is going to happen when it is time to stop!?)
-Check with your doctor as soon as possible if you experience bone problems (pain or broken/fractured bones). (Bone pain!?)
-And my personal favorite: Contact you doctor immediately if you experience......severe vomiting or vomit that looks like coffee grounds. (That's something I'm looking forward to.)
If those aren't enough to scare you, they also warn about chronic back pain, personality changes, and higher risk of infection (including colds and chicken pox). Are you kidding me? Do you know what I do for a living? I'm exposed to this daily!
(insert deep breath here............) As silly as it may sound, taking these medicines that I REALLY don't want to is part of my personal faith in action. I am believing that this is a time of preparation that God is/will work through - possible side effects and all.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Verse 3
One thing that I have learned in my prayer life is that honesty with God is so important. Every joy, pain, sorrow, and praise honestly lifted up. It is overwhelming and freeing at the same time. This verse reminds and comforts me. It reminds me that every thing I have asked, requested, or lifted up has been heard. An answer has been issued. It allows me to truly give things to God and let Him do what He does. He is SO good!

