Day Seventeen: Shooting Straight

I have this little girl in my class. She is smart, everyone wants to be her friend, she is eager to help anyone at anytime, and she is annoying me to death. Not expecting that one were you? Me either. Along with all of those good qualities, she has the worst attitude I have ever seen in a six year old. If she isn't the first at whatever, she literally throws herself on the ground and pouts. If she is talking and I ask her to move her clip, she argues. If she bosses everyone around her and is asked to stop, she "growls" and stomps away. On the occasion that I need to mark her folder, she slams it on my desk and stomps off. Let me tell you, these are NOT enduring qualities to this teacher. Apparently it isn't enduring to anyone because guess who is now getting the most tattles and making the most kids cry? The next step is for all the kids to not want to sit/work/play with her. Believe me, I've seen it happen. Kids are smart - if you are mean, we'll boycott you. Then it becomes us against you. Think social Lord of the Flies with six year olds. It can get ugly and give you a headache! We have talked about appropriate ways to respond when we are upset. We have discussed who the teacher in the room is. We have practiced how to use our words instead of growling. The are pretty much bandaids on a gashing wound.

So yesterday, I tried a new tactic. I pulled her out in the hall and said the following, "You know that I love you. You are smart and have lots of friends. However, you have the worst attitude in the class and it makes all of those good things about you stink." She looked like I sucker punched her and maybe I had. She sure wasn't expecting that first thing in the morning. I told her exactly what was bad about her attitude and how it made everyone around her feel. I told her she was starting to show signs of being a bully. The eye rolling, sighing, and growling started. I immediately stopped and called her on it. I told her very specifically what her consequences are from here on out for those responses. I also gave her the new job in our class of the caboose (walks at the end of the line to turn off the lights and close the door). She hates it and tries to get out of it everytime. Her classmates don't let her forget and she growls and stomps her feet to the end of the line. What she doesn't know is that I'm keeping her at that job until she can show me she can do it with a good attitude. I'm going to tell her that I can't give her another job until she shows me she can do this one correctly. And she is one of my go-to girls so this is really going to hurt her. Oh well....it will be good for her in the end. At the end of our talk, I reaffirmed the things that are good about her and that I love her. That seems to be the proverbial spoonful of sugar. We hugged and went in the room.

Ever since we had that talk, things have been a little smoother. I think the shooting straight thing really helped her know exactly where I was coming from. It makes me think about the bigger picture. How many of our relationship issues are because we don't shoot straight? I know that I don't like to hurt feelings so I don't tell people how it is when things aren't going well. I'll put a bandaid on it for a quick fix but avoid saying exactly what I'm thinking/feeling for fear of damaging the relationship. With my little girl, being that honest (in a loving way) is appearing to really made the difference. There isn't as much damage as I thought and we seem to be doing better. And I've never known God to beat around the bush with anything or anyone. It is risky for someone who is non-confrontational - uncomfortable at the least. I know I appreciate honesty if done in love. So that is the surprise of the day - quit buying bandaids and learn to shoot straight! Yikes!