Lonely

Even though things have been going pretty well, I felt very lonely this weekend. You know, the “I really need to not be sitting around by myself right now” feeling. I’ve actually been sensing this coming for a while. So, Friday night, I decided I wanted to stop the feeling before it had a chance to start. I called several people and tried to make something happen. Success? – Not so much. Thank God for Mexican food and text messaging!

Saturday was much better. Saw a few of the friends from Pleasanton in the morning and had dinner with a friend from work. (We closed Jason’s Deli. It was great!) If the only good thing that came out of San Marcos was meeting Danielle, which in itself is a HUGE blessing! She is an amazing example of a teacher and a woman after God’s heart. I want to be more like her. We decided to see each other sooner than the 7 weeks it took us this time.

Anyway…When I wasn’t with people, I poured myself into work with a constant movie in the background so I wouldn’t slip into the pity party trap. Of course, I had to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. If you haven’t seen it, DO! Basically, a relationship ends and they erase each other from their own respective memories. You get to watch the process and, as a result, a relationship from the end to the beginning. The basic message of the movie is that no matter how bad things get, there was something beautiful at the root of it. There was love and truth. The beauty just got complicated but can still be found if you want it. It’s pretty much a movie about hope – hence why I love it.

The message seemed to be the theme of Saturday. Danielle and I talked about how we are both lonely here right now. We are in very different stages of our lives than those around us. It’s hard to be the single one in the midst of married couples. It’s hard to keep the hours of your friends in college when your job is working you to the bone. And, some days, it’s hard to come home to an empty apartment. It doesn’t mean that you love anyone less. It just means that you have to lean upon God to remind that there is beauty in what you are doing and who you are. I am changing lives (hopefully) and in the moments of loneliness, you suck it up and think about the good. After all, that’s what you remember and store in your heart – the beauty of it all. Just start storing it up a little early.