The Beauty of it All

It seems that, for whatever reason, the past three or four weeks have really piled up on me. My plate has just been heaped upon and not with fun stuff like desserts. It has been filled to the brim of physical pain, illness, disappointments, and a move. It has been hard and exhausting. Yet, in the midst of it all, I saw the gift in it today at bible study.

There is NOTHING more moving and freeing than being prayed over by godly women. The prayers of spirit-filled, bold, loving sisters is one of the most beautiful gifts God has given us in this life. Women who will cry with you, laugh with you, lay hands on you, and just genuinely love you are a blessing like no other out there. That is the gift I received today. During a lengthy prayer time for all of us, a sweet sister whom I have grown to dearly love prayed over me. We all cried together and a few women put their arms and hands on me for comfort. The peace and love that flooded me was overwhelming. After the prayer, I talked to a woman whose story is mine. She has gone through the EXACT same thing that I have and she was SO encouraging. What hope!!

These women are a huge reason for a decision that I have recently made. I have decided to stay as West Houston instead of seeking a church home elsewhere. How in the world could I be anything other than thrilled with the future knowing that these women are in it with me? What a blessing to have such sisters in Christ!

Laughing Through the Pain

During one of my rest breaks yesterday, I saw this clip from Scrubs and I laughed my head off. Ted's second set of comments kills me (literally - my throat REALLY hurt)! Even if you don't like Scrubs, it is short. Enjoy!

When It Rains, It Pours....

Found out today that I have strep throat. And I'm moving on Monday. I tried to change it to Tuesday and remembered that all utilities and such are switching on Monday so it would just be too much work. So I'm sick and packing.

Please pray over the next few days....

From a Distance

I'm terrible about keeping in touch with people. I try to but I'm not anywhere as good as I should be. I love my friends (both new and old) and they leave such a lasting impression on who I am. There are very specific faces that my mind's eye sees in various times in my life. You give me the stage in life and I will tell you who I was closest to. Even if I don't touch base as often as I should, I treasure each one SO dearly in my heart. My biggest fear is that once life moves people on, I will be forgotten about or left behind. But it is a fact of life. That is what happens when life moves on. People establish new relationships and continue growing.

Somehow, that doesn't make it feel any better when you realize that you have been left behind as the group moves on together without you.

Desired Quality

A few weeks ago, I was visiting with a new friend about different bible studies, conferences, and speakers we have both experienced. She was talking about how she loves all of these things but her husband is less drawn to those things. She said she was fine with that because he was her plumbline - the one she can depend on to hold things up to as truth (as referenced in Amos 7). As she talked about that, all I could think was how sweet that was and how much I would like that one day.

You see, I am more open to listening to people and seeing what they believe. I am a very curious person and am willing to hear people out to see what they think/believe. I am grounded enough to know when a truth is spoken and when something doesn't sit well with me. However, something that I would one day like very much is someone that I can call my plumbline. I know that is the Word of God but follow me here. I would love to be with someone who encouraged me to grow and study in faith, seek a closer relationship with God, and study with me. To be able to talk about what I am learning would be SUCH a blessing. To have someone who would listen to what I'm a little unclear on but is grounded in scripture to patiently sit down and open-mindly seek truth. To discuss and study together. To listen and learn from as a partnership. To be that spiritual leader. I'm not looking for a theologian, just a student of God Himself.

I have no doubt that God will provide that for me (despite the extreme emotional ups and downs of this time of preparation by God). I await in excited anticipation of the plumbline God is preparing for me and, I pray, that He is preparing me to be!

Oh Well....

So I know that the last post wasn't exactly the most thrilling. This one isn't really either but it has a more optimistic ending. Promise!

A few weeks ago, I was in a lot of pain because of running stuff. Legs, knees, and pelvis were KILLING me. I went to see a massage therapist and it helped a little but not enough. After weeks of rest, I was feeling almost ready to head back to the group and start towards my goal - January's Half Marathon! WOO HOO! If only....

On Monday, I had the WORST lower back pains that I have ever had. Nothing was comfortable, pain was shooting to my ankle, and I had a headache that grew as the back pain grew. I've had lower back pain before but never anything like this one. It has gotten better as the week has gone on but I'm still uncomfortable. However, better to be safe than sorry so I went to the doctor today. Turns out that I had a disc slip out of place in my bottom five vertebrae. Fun stuff. Thankfully, he said that it sounds like it is slipping back in on its own so no further tests, doctors, or surgery (yes, I was worried about that one) are needed. I got some muscle relaxers that I am going to partake in as soon as this is published and that should allow for the disc to slip back in with more ease and less pain. Lots of rest and no lifting.

Great news, right!? I was pretty excited and relieved until he started discussing longer term preventative care. Basically, he said that since I have a tendency for my disc to slip and then heal itself, I need to avoid weight bearing exercise like...you guessed it - running. He told me that using an elliptical and swimming would be best but even biking would be "iffy". He didn't say stop running altogether but to cut WAY back. No more than a few times a week and shorter distances (~3 miles). Translation - no half marathon for Dana. My body has kicked me out of the race for good.

I'm pretty disappointed. I really wanted to do it! I was loving running and I felt better about myself physically, mentally, and emotionally than I have in so long. Now I'm out of it. I know that I can still run and get that feeling but the whole "working towards a goal" thing is gone. I'll miss the group I was running with. I cannot tell you how thankful I am to not have worse damage. I am SO glad to have avoided surgery or other injury. I'm just so selfish!

Definitely much to be thankful for!

Quite Crafty!

So I guess Satan saw that last post and has decided that it is his turn to have a go at me. Nothing major. Just the usual pity party/overly sensitive/physical discomfort stuff that tends to come up. It has just hit pretty hard this time. Silly things that I see and read that are striking my heart a little harder than they usually would. I feel really ridiculous to not be able to shake it off or have better control of things. Oh well, this is a light and momentary trouble, right!? :)

After the Fire Came a Gentle Whisper

I am amazed at the way that the Lord works and how He speaks to us. So many people experience it so many different ways. I am in awe! A friend and I were discussing it last night. I told her that the way that I often hear Him is in constant reminders throughout my day - a person repeatedly comes to mind, a verse is called to mind at random moments, or a specific song is played each time I turn on my radio. The other way is when reading familiar scriptures and a text takes on a sudden new meaning that I have missed in the first 28 years of my reading. It blows me away!

The thing about seeing God's work is that, for me, it is never enough. Lately I have been praying for open spiritual eyes and ears all around me - especially when studying. God has been good and has blessed me immensely. He has been faithful to reveal Himself as all knowing on a very personal level not only about me present but about my past and my future. He is teaching me what it means to approach His throne of grace with CONFIDENCE and to anticipate Him in exciting ways. He has also been revealing truths to me about who I am what I need. I have been presented with challenges about prayer and knowing scripture that I look forward to working to meet. I know He'll meet me there.

It has been a good two weeks!

Up to My Eyeballs!

I have always been a reader. One downside to being a teacher is that for nine months a year, those personal indulgence things that you love get put off to the side. Well, in April, I decided that asking for a few minutes a night to read wasn't asking too much. Silly me forgot that I get totally engrossed in books, hit my stride, and look up two hours later shocked by what time it is. That isn't good for during the school year but I'm loving it this summer! I've knocked out more books in the past couple of months that I have in the past couple of years combined! It's SO nice to just read! I currently feel like Dad because I have a stack of books to read (10 to be exact) and they are all good sized novels. My goal is one a week. We will see.....

I've always been relatively proud of being a well rounded reader. At the same time, I have been a little bit of a snob towards one genre - Christian fiction. For some reason, I thought it would be less than other genres, filled with gooshiness and less than quality writing. Thankfully, I have been corrected in that area! How foolish of me to think that God wouldn't use that talent for Himself let alone bless others through it! I've read a couple of stand alone books, started on a GREAT series called "The Yada Yada Prayer Group", and am about to start the "Mark of the Lion" series (Thanks, Jackie!). I'm excited!

So if anyone has any authors or specific novels in this genre, let me know. I'm new to this one and loving it!

Keeping Our Eyes Open

Over the weekend, I got to spend two hours visiting with my Jackie. What a blessing! We usually don't get much more than a "Hello" at church but this time - two uninterrupted hours of just us. God knew I needed it! At one point I mentioned my friend Esme and how her family is going back to South Africa to open a Christian school in a poverty stricken city. I mentioned that this is what they feel called to do. Jackie said that she didn't know what her calling was and I agreed in feeling the same way.

On the way back yesterday, I thought about that some more. How many of us know what we have been called to do here on earth? Sure, we know our jobs that we do to earn a living but what about our specific roles in the kingdom of God? Honestly, I have NO idea what God has for me to do and it is frustrating some days. I feel like I should be doing something but I have no idea what it is.

It is easy for me to see where other people's talents lie but I struggle with seeing my own. Maybe that is the point. We need to look out for each other to help point in the right direction. In my running, I've thought a lot about how well I did in Jr. High. I was running seven minute miles (which now seems very fast) without any coaching or training. I was one of the top five in my grade level. How come the coaches didn't encourage me to do something with that? How come they just let me pick something menial to do but never even suggested that I pursue something that I was good at? Maybe I could have been really good if someone would have taken the time to work with me on it. Maybe I would have loved it then like I do now. I look back and that is 14 years that I lost because no one stepped up to point out something that I was good at and mentor me to better that skill. And that is just running!

Are we the same way? Do we see talents in others, just notice it, and walk on? Or do we take time to try to help each other grow a gift from God to be used for God? Do we see where others can be used and ignore it or do we step up to help each other learn to use their gifts from God?

I know what I would appreciate!

My Love Language

A few years ago, I had the pleasure of reading "The Five Love Languages" but Gary Chapman. It was SO eye opening and really helped me to see how people express and receive love in the most sincere ways. The five that he presented were: Words of Affection, Time, Service, Gifts, and Physical Touch. He also stated that to find your love language, look at how you show love to others and that is how you receive it best. You usually have two dominate languages. I've often wondered what my love language is and about a week ago, someone just outright asked me. I honestly can say that I didn't know. Now, I definitely do.

I've decided that one of my love languages is physical touch. I LOVE hugs, holding hands, patting/scratching backs, playing with hair.... It is the best! Now that I know that, it explains SO much! I cannot wait to hold, rock, hug, tickle my soon coming sweet little niece. I just hope she likes me as much as I already adore her! I cannot be around my sweet students without showering them with hugs, holding their hands, and wanting to let them it on my lap when they are crying. Looking back, the students that I have not felt close to are the ones that did not like to be touched. I never noticed that until VERY recently. It also explains why I've felt a closer connection in some relationships than others. In my SAP training a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to hug everyone that shared something difficult in our group. I have been able to see a college friend many times in the past couple of weeks. It has been filled with hugs, laughter, and just good talking. The best part have been the hugs. No one can give a hug like Mark. Given the chance, there are certain people that I would hug to show appreciation to if I only had the chance to meet them.

Here's the catch with this love language though - it can't be from just anyone. Since it is a love language, there is a level of intimacy and relationship that goes along with it. I don't want some random stranger coming up to be and giving me this HUGE hug. I've been visiting a new church on Sunday and Wednesday evenings. We had a cookout last weekend and as everyone was leaving, one of the people I have hung out with a little more gave me an awkward hug. It threw me off like you would NOT believe.

I'm looking forward to this weekend. Today I head to San Marcos to see some friends and I know there will be LOTS of hugs tonight!! Then on Friday, down to Pleasanton. Hugs galore. I don't know what I'll do with all of the love!

Pompeii

About three months ago, I heard about an exhibit they had on display called "Pompeii". It was showing jewelry, frescoes, mosaics, daily items, and casts of people that were excavated from the sight of the Mount Vesuvius eruption in 79 A.D. I decided that I really wanted to see it so yesterday I checked it off of my "Things I want to do this year" list.

As I walked among the displays, I found myself thinking so many different things. First, I saw the horrors of those caught my the eruption. In the 1800s, plaster was used to create casts of the people found at the sight. While a few were very detailed, most were not. You could tell it was a person but no detail was present. Two gripped me the most. One was a grown man squatting with his back to the wall and his face in his hands. He was found in a public gym trying to escape the blast. I couldn't see much detail but he looked to resigned to what was coming. He was just waiting for the end. The other was one that had more detail. It was a child. You could see more detail in this face than in any other face. The fear and shock were heartbreaking. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. There were other casts that broke my heart as well but these two really stood out for me. What tragedy!

The greater thought was that this happened just after Christ was here on earth and the New Testament was being written. I saw household idols, statues/frescoes of the gods, and the culture that early Christians were surrounded by. I saw actual coins with various emperors' faces. The one that took me aback the most was Nero's. I saw a handful of silver coins and thought that this is what Judas traded our Lord for. I saw denarii and thought about so many references to the Bible. I saw oil lamps and thought about the ten virgins and the light in the house. I thought about John on Patmos just a short distance from this sight. What in the world must he have been thinking when this happened as he was penning the Revelation? But the thought that crossed my mind the most was how wrong my mindset of those times were. When I think about biblical times, I think about deserts and primitive life. I forget that Jesus taught in small towns but was surrounded by very modern things. I forget about the baths, highly skilled doctors and women that owned property/businesses. These were things that Jesus was a contemporary of. This was Jesus world.

I was expecting to enjoy this exhibit but I was in no way prepared for what I saw. Coming out of it was surreal but I'll post on that later. I'm so glad that I went. If you are interested in seeing parts of the exhibit, go to www.mfah.org and click on Pompeii: Tales from an Eruption before June 22. It doesn't show everything but you can see pictures of some things on display. It doesn't do justice but you'll get the idea.

Reflections

This is something that I have been thinking about for a while now. I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about friends and friendships. I've considered those that I have had in the past and those that I yearn for in the future. I think about my inability to keep up with those that live far away and what that could mean if I don't maintain communication better.

Throughout all of this, I've noticed how life has led us all down different paths. Job changes, relationship changes, location changes, attitude/personality changes... I've been humbled by some and surprised by others. I look back on what I thought life would look like down the road and now I am amazing by how wrong I have been. The roads that life has brought us all down have curved, straightened, risen, and fallen. Who knew?

But I know the one who knew. I can look back at a crossroads and see where He started forking the roads for us all. Some happened gradually over time and others so suddenly. Only in hindsight can I see His hand. I'm thankful for the review mirror that shows me the works that I missed.

I'm not sad about this. I'm amazed that after all of the planning or visions built up, life has led so many different ways. And even through it all, we find ourselves bound to each other.

If Only They All Started This Way....

Today has started off SO well! If only everyday was like this one! I started off the day with our second time trial of the season. For the first time trial (about 5 weeks ago), I ran a mile in 10:14. I was excited about that time because I hadn't run a mile for a time in about 15 years. Today, I ran my mile in 9:13!!! In five weeks, I have shaved off one whole minute!! WOO HOO! Then core work went very well.

After the run, I walked with a few ladies to a place called The Daily Grind for breakfast. We spent a leisurely two and a half hours at breakfast. We talked about everything from family to houses, jobs to nutrition, other countries to dogs. It was SO nice to just sit and visit with the women without having to worry about time or to rush off. What a rare treat. We don't just sit and enjoy each other anymore. I am thankful being able to do that today!

Then, after getting back to my aunt and uncle's house, I took the dogs for a walk. We went around the neighborhood and followed it up with some relaxing in the yard.

Now it is up to the shower and then a lesson from my bible study. This afternoon looks like a quick nap and a good book before dinner and church.

I am spoiled rotten!

Freedom of Speech?

After a run, we all head back to base to do core work. Since switching to the morning group, I have grown to really look forward to and dread this time. You would think that it was because of the difficult stretching and exercising after running hills for 25 minutes. However, you are wrong. There are these older men in our group that love to talk. Three white haired, late 60s/early 70s men. Sometimes, they just let Sean have it. They let him know exactly what they think about each exercise, its duration, and its difficulty. Every once in a while, when they get really loud, Sean will respond. On days like this, they are SO funny! I think that everyone doing core work needs to laugh while they do it. Laughing intensifies the work out.

Then there are days like today. We all stay in about the same spot for core work. There is a lady near them that they have really taken to. At first, it was in innocent comment here and there. Today, their real comfort came out in some VERY caddy, offensive talk. The only thing slightly more shocking than their comments was the laughter and egging on that the woman did. It was too much.

Between their yelling at Sean and talking to the woman, I found myself wondering - When did it become OK to say exactly what you are thinking? No matter if it is giving a friend a hard time or letting someone of the opposite sex know what you think about how they look, it seems that older folks get away with more. If that is the case, what age does it become alright to speak your mind so openly?

Just curious...

Big Ears = Big Hearts

This week I was blessed beyond measure to attend a training called Student Assistance Program (SAP). For three days, we learned how to facilitate small student groups on everything from substance abuse (theirs or someone else's), grief/trauma/loss, social skills, family issues, bullying, etc. It wasn't counseling but more of a way to allow students to express themselves in a safe place and to teach them how to handle emotions in a healthy way. Part of our training was to take part in a SAP group. For seven sessions, I met with women that I had never met before and discussed a wide range of topics. The experience cleansed me and helped me to see my life in a whole new way.

One thing that SAP teaches is that while one person speaks, everyone else is silent. No words of approval or condemnation. No sounds of any kind, no advise. Nothing but listening. That in itself was the hardest but the best thing that I learned all week long. Sometimes you just need someone to listen. I've learned that in our desire to help, we often do more harm than good. Being able to have someone truly hear you and not put their two cents in is such a blessing. It allowed me to listen to myself and what I was saying. It allowed me to say things that I have never vocalized before because I was afraid of people's reactions. In listening, there was no reaction to worry about. In listening, I learned that we are SO much more alike than we are different! In listening, we show that we really do care!

I walk away from this week freer than I have felt in so long. Emotionally and physically, I feel lighter. Chapters are closed and the only way I see is forward. Even though this is not its intended context, I have a greater appreciation for James 1:19 - "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry,"

Stop Doubting and Believe!

In the past few months, the idea of believing in God and actually believing Him have been a reoccurring thought. Yes, I do believe in Him and what He says but do I actually believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that all things will come to pass? For a while I would answer 100% "YES!" Then this morning, I realized that my "YES!" has turned into a tiny "yes?"

I have lately slipped into the dangerous lands of the pity party. You know - table for one. I've been looking at many aspects of my life and, unfortunately, I can see where I have slowly started giving up hope for what lies ahead. I have started accepting present realities as permanent instead of looking at what is to come. The scariest part of all is that as I have begun to slip into silent acceptance, I have become just that in prayer - silent. There are things that I have not prayed about in quite a while because I have forgotten that God does not desire for me to stay where I am or who I am. I've lost sight that He desires my growth and change in Him. He may not have in store what I hope for but that doesn't mean that I stop seeking and asking. He never desires stagnation or acceptance in the face of defeat. He asks for more. He asks for anticipation of the unknown and unshakable faith that KNOWS He has more in store. Even though it is scary and hard, whatever the outcome is, He steadys us for it in prayer.

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." - Psalm 27:14

Plugging Another Blog

Last night at church, I ran into an old friend. This is definitely another post for another day but I just have time for a quick one right now. Throughout the course of catching up and shooting the breeze, he plugged a blog that I knew I had to check out. I looked at it today and I am hooked. I know that this blog thing is getting out of hand for me but this one is SO worth it! I thought about my dear friends Jeff and Alissa when I read them because I can totally see their humor in it. It is called "Stuff White People Like". If you cannot laugh at yourself or stereotypes about middle class white America, this is not the blog for you. It is SO funny, sarcastic, and, in most cases for me, hits the nail on the head. There is a lot on it so I click on the full list tab at the top and pick a topic. The topics range all over the place (Indie Music and Bumper Stickers are my favorite so far). There are a few that are not right on but I can still laugh and appreciate them for the generalities that they provide. My favorite part of each topic is the "helpful hint" part of the post for how to get in good with the white person. Check it out (linked on the side of my blog under PostSecret).

Date!

No - not the kind you are thinking.... I was just writing and I noticed today's date: 06/07/08. How fun is that!

I am such a nerd!

A Post for Dad

From before I can remember, Dad has been a subscriber to National Geographic. I've never really gotten into it or understood it. Every time I looked at an issue (which wasn't often), it was to see the cool pictures. At work, I've often used some of their films to show my students the interesting animals that are a rarity in our world.

Now that I am on my own and have a wide range of cable channels, I often find myself watching the National Geographic channel. It isn't something that I seek out but if I'm looking at the guide and something catches my eye, I flip over or DVR it. I've learned that there are quite a few very cool things to watch. There is one show called "Is It Real?" that explores folklore and tales for validity. On my DVR right now is about an archaeological dig and finding as they relate to Stonehenge. Ever since Dr. Long's class at LCU, I've been interested in archeology. It is SO interesting to see what culture was like. National Geographic does such an amazing job on sharing these things in easy to understand levels.

Through watching several shows, I've learned that I am a two-faced fan of National Geographic. I am intrigued by their findings in the natural and archaeological worlds but I have a hard time watching anything they do related to the Bible. I've tried to watch a few things but I end up getting upset or just frustrated. I'm confused by this. How can I take such a trusting view of so many subjects and then reject so much of what they say about biblical findings? If feels hypocritical to like one aspect and disregard another. I guess looking at truth through skeptical eyes makes me skeptical about the source.

I think I'll stick with Stonehenge for now.