Everyday there are many surprises that show up. I don't write about all of them but focus on the ones that really seems to stand out significantly. Today, two really made their mark so I'll share them both.
The first surprise was more in the form of appreciation. Today, I was blessed to watch my niece for about four hours while her parents spent time with a couple expecting their first child. Liz could not have been better! She was WONDERFUL and I was amazed by so many things about her. One of my favorite moments was .... oh, wait...her mother is going to post on that....I better not steal that thunder. :) It was all so good! That wasn't the surprise. I already knew she is wonderful. What surprised me was how tiring it was! I work with 17 students each day and it can take it out of you. Today, I am just about as tired! Granted, it may be linked to the fact that I stayed up later than normal but Little Girl wore me out! Always being aware, listening for every sound, watching the clock for nap/bottle times/etc.....I have a new found appreciation for what my sister does each day! Yes, I work with 17 six and seven year olds all day every day (along with the business of school) but they are very self sufficient compared to my four month old niece. I love her but girl made my senses heighten to near overload. So all of you stay at home moms...more power to you!I hope to have the honor of your job one day. Until then, you have my full admiration!
The second surprise actually started last night. Erin and I went to dinner and I was sharing something about a person in my life. As I talked, I shared that I have become very judgemental of this person. It wasn't a huge ah-ha moment for me. The surprise wasn't that I have become judgemental but that it has gotten this far. I hate that I look at them and have all of these thoughts running through my mind. I know that the heart of the problem lies with me, not them. I love them and want none of this! I was able to have some time (nap time!) on my own this afternoon and I talked at length to God about it. Confronting the ugliness within is a hard thing to do but a necessary part of the purifying process. It is so hard to see those parts of yourself that seem so beastly. I am forever grateful for a Father that loves my in spite of those human tendencies instead of acting as I do.
You know, as much as I love Beauty and the Beast, I always wanted to play the part of Beauty. I never wanted to be the Beast. However, if I am going to let someone else play Beauty, no one is more deserving than Miss Liz and her amazing mom!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Day Eleven: Phone Call
Terry Esau would journal about his day VERY late at night so he wouldn't cut God short in His day. I've just learned that lesson. :) I had just posted about being productive today because I really was struggling to see where the daily surprise was. The fact that it was a productive day was not surprising but the fact that is was SO productive was very nice. I hit "publish" and immediately heard a buzzing sound coming from my post. Missed call. I ignored it at first but I finally had to stop visiting with Erin to check it. There, on my voicemail was my friend Adrienne. She left the sweetest voicemail so I immediately called her back.
Adrienne is one of those friends that everyone should have! She is funny, positive, upbeat, passionate, and really there when you need her. In a very loving way, I have always been slightly intimidated by talking to her. She is sweet as can be and I have been afraid that she would realize how significantly not cool I am. But that is part of her cool-ness....she ignores my nerdiness.
So back to the phone call, SUCH ease of conversation! She shared with me some of the things in her life and I immediately know this is exactly why the call was made. I prayed as she talked and I know it will keep going for a while. Then, just non-stop visiting. Catching up with a very dear friend. Such a blessing!! My phone started beeping (shock) so I had to cut it short. But for 25 minutes, God gave me a full conversation with my friend. I hope it happens again very soon. I do love that girl!
So, Adrienne, you were my surprise from God today! I would count it as one of my favorites.
Adrienne is one of those friends that everyone should have! She is funny, positive, upbeat, passionate, and really there when you need her. In a very loving way, I have always been slightly intimidated by talking to her. She is sweet as can be and I have been afraid that she would realize how significantly not cool I am. But that is part of her cool-ness....she ignores my nerdiness.
So back to the phone call, SUCH ease of conversation! She shared with me some of the things in her life and I immediately know this is exactly why the call was made. I prayed as she talked and I know it will keep going for a while. Then, just non-stop visiting. Catching up with a very dear friend. Such a blessing!! My phone started beeping (shock) so I had to cut it short. But for 25 minutes, God gave me a full conversation with my friend. I hope it happens again very soon. I do love that girl!
So, Adrienne, you were my surprise from God today! I would count it as one of my favorites.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Day Ten: Radio Alarm Clock
This morning, God did not wait for me to even wake up before He showed up.....
I've been wanting a radio alarm clock for a while and, thankfully, my parents got me one for Christmas. Usually, my alarm goes off about 5:00 and I get up somewhere a little bit later. It has been really nice waking up to KSBJ each morning. One thing that I have learned is that at 5:00, there is a 30 minute Focus on the Family radio spot. I've heard tidbits of everything from weight loss to traits to look for/watch out of in a mate, child rearing advice, etc. I say tidbits because I usually hit snooze or just lay there dozing in and out of actually listening. This morning though....God had something to tell me!
My alarm went off but unlike every other day, I was wide awake! So I thought I would see what the topic of the morning was before getting up. Jim Cymbala was the featured speaker and he had quite a bit to say about prayer and its power. I was riveted to the radio! I cannot remember the last time I felt my senses on such high alert - especially first thing in the morning. There was nothing new or special in his message but they were cutting my heart. I didn't move for thirty minutes and as soon as it was over, I was convicted to literally hit my knees. I stayed there for a while and got up to go in the living room to read Terry's daily entry in Surprise Me! I've been reading it each morning to get ready to pray. It isn't deeply spiritual. In fact, it is a daily record of what happens and where he has seen God - just like this is (but better written and published). So I got in the big, red chair and started with the first page of the day. God pretty much said, "Nope, not yet! You and I need to spend some more time talking." So down I went again.
Now this isn't the most earth shattering statement ever made but starting the day in prayer made SUCH a difference! And not just prayer but on the floor, knees to the earth prayer. Not just asking for stuff but adoration and just listening instead of doing all the talking. It puts you in your place!
I've never been very good at getting up early and starting the day with prayer/reading/quiet time. In fact, getting up to read this journal has been as close as I have ever gotten. This morning, God seemed to tell me, "Dana, before you even read about someone else's encounters with me, you need to have one yourself." It was totally worth it!
The conviction to start the day in prayer and in the word may actually make the getting up at 5:00 thing happen!
I've been wanting a radio alarm clock for a while and, thankfully, my parents got me one for Christmas. Usually, my alarm goes off about 5:00 and I get up somewhere a little bit later. It has been really nice waking up to KSBJ each morning. One thing that I have learned is that at 5:00, there is a 30 minute Focus on the Family radio spot. I've heard tidbits of everything from weight loss to traits to look for/watch out of in a mate, child rearing advice, etc. I say tidbits because I usually hit snooze or just lay there dozing in and out of actually listening. This morning though....God had something to tell me!
My alarm went off but unlike every other day, I was wide awake! So I thought I would see what the topic of the morning was before getting up. Jim Cymbala was the featured speaker and he had quite a bit to say about prayer and its power. I was riveted to the radio! I cannot remember the last time I felt my senses on such high alert - especially first thing in the morning. There was nothing new or special in his message but they were cutting my heart. I didn't move for thirty minutes and as soon as it was over, I was convicted to literally hit my knees. I stayed there for a while and got up to go in the living room to read Terry's daily entry in Surprise Me! I've been reading it each morning to get ready to pray. It isn't deeply spiritual. In fact, it is a daily record of what happens and where he has seen God - just like this is (but better written and published). So I got in the big, red chair and started with the first page of the day. God pretty much said, "Nope, not yet! You and I need to spend some more time talking." So down I went again.
Now this isn't the most earth shattering statement ever made but starting the day in prayer made SUCH a difference! And not just prayer but on the floor, knees to the earth prayer. Not just asking for stuff but adoration and just listening instead of doing all the talking. It puts you in your place!
I've never been very good at getting up early and starting the day with prayer/reading/quiet time. In fact, getting up to read this journal has been as close as I have ever gotten. This morning, God seemed to tell me, "Dana, before you even read about someone else's encounters with me, you need to have one yourself." It was totally worth it!
The conviction to start the day in prayer and in the word may actually make the getting up at 5:00 thing happen!
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Day Nine: Calendar
Today marks the beginning of Lent. While I have worked in places where this is a much more prominent day, I was surprised by how much it was on my mind today. I am SO thankful for the church I was raised in and the church I now worship with. However, I have often thought about the Christian calendar that many churches recognize and follow: Pentecost, Epiphany, Lent, etc. While I understand why many don't celebrate these times, today I kind of wish we, as a body, did. One of my co-workers and I have been talking about it in preparation and it has been very enlightening to me. So here is my take on Lent this year:
I don't think that there is anything more holy or significant at this time of year than any time. However, it is a time of fasting. I personally believe that fasting has become a lost discipline for many people. I'm sure not as practiced in it as I would like to be. I think there is something significant in denying yourself in order to seek God. I think it is when we act in such a way, we are rewarded with personal realizations as well as a purification. When we struggle for something better, I truly believe that God will reward it. We are told to ask, seek, and knock. When we do, we will receive and be answered. That is how I view a fast. So why Lent? We have many examples of corporate fasting in scripture. For me personally, it isn't an attention thing. It is an accountability things. Knowing that my co-worker can ask me at any time how it is going helps me maintain my focus. It helps me to know that together, we are seeking God in our own ways. Yes, I know that not everyone has that same mind set and some will be going through the motions. However, I am only responsible for myself and my heart in this. And this year, my heart is surprisingly excited about this season!
I don't think that there is anything more holy or significant at this time of year than any time. However, it is a time of fasting. I personally believe that fasting has become a lost discipline for many people. I'm sure not as practiced in it as I would like to be. I think there is something significant in denying yourself in order to seek God. I think it is when we act in such a way, we are rewarded with personal realizations as well as a purification. When we struggle for something better, I truly believe that God will reward it. We are told to ask, seek, and knock. When we do, we will receive and be answered. That is how I view a fast. So why Lent? We have many examples of corporate fasting in scripture. For me personally, it isn't an attention thing. It is an accountability things. Knowing that my co-worker can ask me at any time how it is going helps me maintain my focus. It helps me to know that together, we are seeking God in our own ways. Yes, I know that not everyone has that same mind set and some will be going through the motions. However, I am only responsible for myself and my heart in this. And this year, my heart is surprisingly excited about this season!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Day Eight: Control
I was getting pretty discouraged about the Surprise Me thing today because as I drove home from bible study, there hadn't been one. I was trying to figure out how to write about a non-surprise when that is completely against the whole point. Then, I opened my blog and there it was - in the comments.
At some point today, Mom made the comment, "...as you are always so under control". What!?!? I need to state, for the record, that this is SO far from true! Years ago, I quickly learned that "in control" is so far away from where I am, I'm not even sure it can be connected in the same solar system. It took me quite a while but I have learned that relinquishing control to someone who actually knows what He's doing is a much better place to live. So the thought that people may think that I am under control surprised me greatly! Not only that people may think I'm under control but that my mother thinks that! She's the one who gets the frantic phone calls. She is who I call when I know I'm off in another world and need to be brought back to earth. She is who I call when I feel completely out of control and need to be reigned in. That she would deem me worthy of being in the same sentence as control just about does me in!
At some point today, Mom made the comment, "...as you are always so under control". What!?!? I need to state, for the record, that this is SO far from true! Years ago, I quickly learned that "in control" is so far away from where I am, I'm not even sure it can be connected in the same solar system. It took me quite a while but I have learned that relinquishing control to someone who actually knows what He's doing is a much better place to live. So the thought that people may think that I am under control surprised me greatly! Not only that people may think I'm under control but that my mother thinks that! She's the one who gets the frantic phone calls. She is who I call when I know I'm off in another world and need to be brought back to earth. She is who I call when I feel completely out of control and need to be reigned in. That she would deem me worthy of being in the same sentence as control just about does me in!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Day Seven: Refiner's Fire
Today would be a great day to skip posting on! Surprises are not always good and today's definitely fits into that column. While on the retreat over the weekend, I prayed a dangerous prayer. I asked God to show me what parts of my life still need to be cleansed. Today He started to show me.
Apparently I have a pretty short fuse at times. And crunch time at the beginning of the day is not the best foot to start out on. There was traffic before and after work. Many drivers got my two cents and then some. I also learned what it means to get so annoyed with someone that your vision blurs. I may have over-reacted slightly and singled someone out who most likely didn't deserve it. That has never happened before and it scared me to death. As soon as it happened, a co-worker walked in my room and I don't know what she saw/heard. Truth is, it wouldn't matter because it wasn't pretty at all. I'm ashamed....to say the least.
So into the fire we go.....
Apparently I have a pretty short fuse at times. And crunch time at the beginning of the day is not the best foot to start out on. There was traffic before and after work. Many drivers got my two cents and then some. I also learned what it means to get so annoyed with someone that your vision blurs. I may have over-reacted slightly and singled someone out who most likely didn't deserve it. That has never happened before and it scared me to death. As soon as it happened, a co-worker walked in my room and I don't know what she saw/heard. Truth is, it wouldn't matter because it wasn't pretty at all. I'm ashamed....to say the least.
So into the fire we go.....
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Days Four, Five, and Six: The Retreat
This weekend was the Ladies Retreat for the women of West Houston church of Christ. We went to Lake Tomahawk just outside of Livingston, TX. The theme of the weekend was based on the book and video series "When Wallflowers Dance" by Angela Thomas. It was a good weekend. For most, it was the beginning of something that God started doing in my life about a month ago. It was exciting to watch these women starting to take these leaps of faith, knowing what they will experience in days to come. God is amazing at changing lives!!! Here is a brief rundown on surprises day by day:Day 4: Friday - Shutting Down and Opening Up
I was very pleasantly surprised to actually make it away from school and to the church on time. School has a tendency to suck me in and consume my time. Yet, my alarm on my phone went off and out the door I walked. Everything wasn't done but I left the guilt there with what I'll pick up on Monday morning. Then, I arrived at the church and got on the bus on time. Anyone who knows me will see the surprise in that! :)
As we joined together for our first session, I noticed that I have come into a season of joy and anticipation. After years of healing and selfishness, God has now deemed it fit that it is time to celebrate and move on to the next level. This was given by our theme verse for the weekend, I Peter 2:2-3, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk so that you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."
Can I just say, I have tasted that the Lord is good!!! In all ways and in all things, God is good! Now that I can say and embrace this about all seasons and experiences, it is again time to move on again. I have no idea what that is but right now I am very excited about the unknown.
Day 5: Saturday - Redeemed
For years, I have heard the name Redeemer. While there have been many times that a theological definition has been given, yesterday was the first personal experience I have had with deeply knowing that I have a personal Redeemer and what that means.
We started the day off with quiet time and I chose a place on the lake. The fog was a thin layer over the lake, swirling and lifting as if turned by the fingers of God Himself. It made me think about the image of the Spirit hovering over the waters in the beginning.
As I sat and stared at it, one verse kept running through my mind - Ecclesiastes 3:11 - "He has made everything beautiful in its time." The Spirit began to speak over me that this is what redemption is. God has not only been there with me and seen every hurt, disappointment, and struggle, but He has healed it and now is making it beautiful. This beauty is taking something Satan intended for evil and making it something He can use for His purpose. I'm learning that everything that happens, God will use it for His glory and for His people. I'm beginning to see a pattern to some quiet times I've been having (see day 1).
Now not only am I seeing redemption in my life but in those lives around me. I'm seeing relationships healed, hearts changed, spiritual eyes opening, mighty works being performed, and people taking risks for Him. Redemption is God calling His people out of a place complacency and drawing them back to Him.
Day 6: Sunday - Famous
Today's surprise is short. One simple line but it has run through my mind all day. It is a truth that is now a prayer. We will see how it plays out because right now, I have no idea what God will do with it.
I want to make God's fame known on this earth.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Day Three: Contemplation
One thing that I find amazing is how alike we all are when you get down to it. Yes, there are significant differences but when I see myself in someone else, it makes me smile. This morning I sat down to read the day's chapter and found myself chuckling. Terry Esau works in the music world. He scores music for companies, radio slots, and commercials. He is a competitive bike rider and a father of three. He has a unique view of the world. I honestly think that the only thing we might have in common is this experiment. Yet, as I sat down and opened the book, I found my thoughts in his words. Here is what we were both thinking this morning: This is hard! As a human with ideas of how things should be, it is hard to be open to "whatever" without some opinions on what that "whatever" will look. For example, I would love to tell you that today I had this HUGE ah-ha moment or experience but I didn't. There is nothing that I love more than when God blows my mind but those moments are reserved for His purposes, not mine. So I wait on Him remembering that this is a 30 day thing, not 3. In the waiting, that is where I think that the meat of this experience is taking place.
The whole concept of this is to wait on God. It is to put yourself aside and just be open to His will, His plan, His way. So I find myself looking for Him in everything all day long. Along the way, I'm getting all of these mini-lessons throw at me. Here are a couple of examples from today:
- One of my students kind of drives me nuts. It really isn't her fault. She is an active child, unable to focus and it is really hurting her education. She is a sweet girl but just wears me out in every way. But she has been entrusted to me this year so we'll see how it plays out. Anyway, we had an assembly today and she got to sit by me "so she could see" (and would be within arms reach if need be). She was WONDERFUL! Apparently, literally sitting at my feet and leaning on my legs is very soothing to her. Made me remember that sitting at the feet of God can have the same affect of me. Not asking anything but just sitting, leaning, and being in His presence. I've got to do that more often!
The whole concept of this is to wait on God. It is to put yourself aside and just be open to His will, His plan, His way. So I find myself looking for Him in everything all day long. Along the way, I'm getting all of these mini-lessons throw at me. Here are a couple of examples from today:
- One of my students kind of drives me nuts. It really isn't her fault. She is an active child, unable to focus and it is really hurting her education. She is a sweet girl but just wears me out in every way. But she has been entrusted to me this year so we'll see how it plays out. Anyway, we had an assembly today and she got to sit by me "so she could see" (and would be within arms reach if need be). She was WONDERFUL! Apparently, literally sitting at my feet and leaning on my legs is very soothing to her. Made me remember that sitting at the feet of God can have the same affect of me. Not asking anything but just sitting, leaning, and being in His presence. I've got to do that more often!
- A little girl earned a reward and when I told her what it was, she started crying and told me that she didn't want THAT reward. She wanted something else. It got all over me and made me so irritated! Immediately, I was slapped with the thought that isn't that what I sometimes do to God? He blesses me when He is under no obligation and I just complain that it isn't what I wanted. I can be such a brat....and He loves me anyway!
- As I input grades into the grade book, I found that I was super excited when a struggling kid got a 70 on an assignment and when a high achieving kid got a 100, I just shrugged it off as expected. It made me think about the story of the angels rejoicing over the lost one that was found rather than the 99 saved. I then thought about how much I need to be like that - honoring and celebrating the growth rather than the expected.
- I have also found myself praying some pretty surprising things. Last night, I was driving home from church listening to the song I posted a week ago ("Something Big" by John Waller). I found myself overwhelmed again and I heard myself pray that I am tired of being in His way. I'm tired of putting myself in the way of what He wants to do. What made my eyes shoot open was not so much the words I was praying but the sincerity behind them. I fully believe that the biggest thing in the way is me and I'm tired of it!
So that is day three. Tomorrow I am leaving right after work to head to the ladies retreat so I won't post again until Sunday. Something else that Esau and I agree on is that writing about the day is nearly the most significant part of the day. It helps to process what has gone on. It feels like God is whispering what He thought was most important for me to remember from the day. So that is why these posts are so long. Enjoy your three days to get through this one. The next one will cover at days 4, 5, and 6. It's sure to be a novel.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Day Two: The Email
Before talking about today, I have to mention something from last night. It isn't intended as a guilt trip so if it come across that way, I apologize in advance.
Michelle and I were walking out the door to head to bible study when my phone chimed. I had just received a text from Erin telling me she wasn't making it to bible study. I was immediately bummed. Even though we haven't really had the opportunity to discuss it like studies in the past, one of my favorite parts of Tuesday nights has always been to talk about it afterwards. Yes, Mom gets a summary of the night's lesson on my drive home but its not the same as talking about it with someone who was there. And who better to talk about it with that the person who knows you better than just about anyone? So I was bummed but I got over it and study was good (obviously).
Fast forward to this morning. The kids were doing the calendar thing and I took advantage of the time to quickly check my email. Sitting in my inbox was an email from Erin. This is not anything surprising or out of the blue. I get emails from her at least once a week at school. This one was different though. From the way that the screen is laid out, the first thing my eyes saw was, "I have to tell you this and I'm not sure why but after reading your blog post I am compelled to do so." Ok...insight into Dana: Telling me that you feel compelled about anything makes me take significant notice - especially when you don't know why. In my mind, compelled means "burdened by God." Whether you agree with that definition or not, that has been my experience as the one compelled to share and as the receiver. So, needless to say, my students faded into the background and I was focused. My Erin then went on to speak such sweet words over me that I had tears in my eyes (I do again just remembering it). Everything that I would have wanted to talk to her about after last night's lesson was laid out before me in writing. It was a written affirmation that I was not off in left field with where the lesson had taken me. However, more significantly, it was SUCH a gift to my heart to know that even though we were not there together in study, we have a bond that allows us to speak directly into each other's hearts. She may not feel the same way but she is used that way in my life. I don't know that I would call the email this morning a surprise but definitely an affirmation and significant reminder that my heart apparently needed.
Michelle and I were walking out the door to head to bible study when my phone chimed. I had just received a text from Erin telling me she wasn't making it to bible study. I was immediately bummed. Even though we haven't really had the opportunity to discuss it like studies in the past, one of my favorite parts of Tuesday nights has always been to talk about it afterwards. Yes, Mom gets a summary of the night's lesson on my drive home but its not the same as talking about it with someone who was there. And who better to talk about it with that the person who knows you better than just about anyone? So I was bummed but I got over it and study was good (obviously).
Fast forward to this morning. The kids were doing the calendar thing and I took advantage of the time to quickly check my email. Sitting in my inbox was an email from Erin. This is not anything surprising or out of the blue. I get emails from her at least once a week at school. This one was different though. From the way that the screen is laid out, the first thing my eyes saw was, "I have to tell you this and I'm not sure why but after reading your blog post I am compelled to do so." Ok...insight into Dana: Telling me that you feel compelled about anything makes me take significant notice - especially when you don't know why. In my mind, compelled means "burdened by God." Whether you agree with that definition or not, that has been my experience as the one compelled to share and as the receiver. So, needless to say, my students faded into the background and I was focused. My Erin then went on to speak such sweet words over me that I had tears in my eyes (I do again just remembering it). Everything that I would have wanted to talk to her about after last night's lesson was laid out before me in writing. It was a written affirmation that I was not off in left field with where the lesson had taken me. However, more significantly, it was SUCH a gift to my heart to know that even though we were not there together in study, we have a bond that allows us to speak directly into each other's hearts. She may not feel the same way but she is used that way in my life. I don't know that I would call the email this morning a surprise but definitely an affirmation and significant reminder that my heart apparently needed.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Day One: Entrusted and Trusting
I have decided over the next 30 days that I will be actually getting up when my alarm clock goes off (instead of snoozing too long) to read the daily entry in Terry Esau's book. This morning, mission accomplished and I am SO thankful I did! Coming into this, I was thinking things like, "What if nothing happens?" or "What if I miss it?" It was good to know that I was in good company. Esau's first entry was along those lines - concerns that a day will be ordinary and that nothing significant will jump out at him. Or even worse, something will happen and he'll miss it. He chronicled his day and the ordinary moments where he saw God. Nothing earth shattering but God in his everyday. Yes, there may be days where God knocks my socks off in this but He is in every moment, even when it is routine. And isn't that the point?
My day was much the same. Followed the regular Tuesday schedule with no bumps or out of the blue incidents. The same things that make me laugh, make me chuckle today. The same things that irritate me, irritated me today. However, dinner with some co-workers was really good (almost hated to end it) and two of us cleared the parking lot after bible study sharing concerns and passions for our curriculum/students. Then it ended with the most adorable pictures of my sweet niece that will make your heart melt. She looks like her beautiful mother in many of them! Erin is getting good with that camera!
Yet, starting this experiment on a Tuesday means starting it on a bible study day. Of course, there are blessings each week when that time is invested! So here was the overall themes to tonight's ah-ha moments for me (also known as today's surprise).
Tonight, we talked about the boundary lines that have been placed around our lives. The areas that hem us in and help define who we are, per se. They were intimacy with God, our past (specifically our hurts and pains), our life experiences (everything that we have been through, where we have been, and the things that make us who we are), and our spiritual gifts. We looked at each one in depth but one common theme rang in my ears with each point: I have been entrusted with each of these things. God has redeemed me and found me worthy of the experiences that define who I am. He has entrusted every moment, every experience, every characteristic, everything that makes me tick. He has given me these things not only to define me but to use me. Every joy and sorrow, when sanctified by Him, can be used for His glory. And that is a humbling thought!
For a few months now, I've been thinking on something. There is a part of my testimony that I do not share. In fact, VERY few people have heard it. I am very private about it because it is shared with another person. To share this part of my past means sharing very personal things about that individual. I am very aware of this and try to be very considerate of that. So, I don't share it. However....a few months ago, I was listening to another woman share her story and it sounded significantly like mine. I approached her afterwards and told her that I appreciated her sharing that. Her response really got to me. She told me that everytime she tells her story, more women come to her and share that they have been secretly carrying the same burden/hurts. There is a growing need for people to be a support for individuals that have been where we have walked. She said that while not everyone will give public testimonies, more people need to be open to helping people deal with this situation. I've been thinking about this since October and I have a feeling that at some point, I will be called upon to share that part of my past with someone else. Tonight, it was all over my mind as I listened and took notes. I have no idea when, who, or how but I know that God entrusted that experience in my past to me so that He could do something with it at some point. So right now, I'm beginning to trust that He will not only finish redeeming it for me, but will cause it to work for the good. So we will see in days to come how this will turn out. Until then, I am humbled to be entrusted with such a task and trusting that when the time comes, it will not be me at all doing the work but the One who redeems!
My day was much the same. Followed the regular Tuesday schedule with no bumps or out of the blue incidents. The same things that make me laugh, make me chuckle today. The same things that irritate me, irritated me today. However, dinner with some co-workers was really good (almost hated to end it) and two of us cleared the parking lot after bible study sharing concerns and passions for our curriculum/students. Then it ended with the most adorable pictures of my sweet niece that will make your heart melt. She looks like her beautiful mother in many of them! Erin is getting good with that camera!
Yet, starting this experiment on a Tuesday means starting it on a bible study day. Of course, there are blessings each week when that time is invested! So here was the overall themes to tonight's ah-ha moments for me (also known as today's surprise).
Tonight, we talked about the boundary lines that have been placed around our lives. The areas that hem us in and help define who we are, per se. They were intimacy with God, our past (specifically our hurts and pains), our life experiences (everything that we have been through, where we have been, and the things that make us who we are), and our spiritual gifts. We looked at each one in depth but one common theme rang in my ears with each point: I have been entrusted with each of these things. God has redeemed me and found me worthy of the experiences that define who I am. He has entrusted every moment, every experience, every characteristic, everything that makes me tick. He has given me these things not only to define me but to use me. Every joy and sorrow, when sanctified by Him, can be used for His glory. And that is a humbling thought!
For a few months now, I've been thinking on something. There is a part of my testimony that I do not share. In fact, VERY few people have heard it. I am very private about it because it is shared with another person. To share this part of my past means sharing very personal things about that individual. I am very aware of this and try to be very considerate of that. So, I don't share it. However....a few months ago, I was listening to another woman share her story and it sounded significantly like mine. I approached her afterwards and told her that I appreciated her sharing that. Her response really got to me. She told me that everytime she tells her story, more women come to her and share that they have been secretly carrying the same burden/hurts. There is a growing need for people to be a support for individuals that have been where we have walked. She said that while not everyone will give public testimonies, more people need to be open to helping people deal with this situation. I've been thinking about this since October and I have a feeling that at some point, I will be called upon to share that part of my past with someone else. Tonight, it was all over my mind as I listened and took notes. I have no idea when, who, or how but I know that God entrusted that experience in my past to me so that He could do something with it at some point. So right now, I'm beginning to trust that He will not only finish redeeming it for me, but will cause it to work for the good. So we will see in days to come how this will turn out. Until then, I am humbled to be entrusted with such a task and trusting that when the time comes, it will not be me at all doing the work but the One who redeems!
Monday, February 16, 2009
What's to Come
Before I get to the point of this post, can I just say.... I bought a cd for the first time in years yesterday and I sang/danced to it all the way home. I do love me some Israel and New Breed! How can anyone listen to that praise and sit still!? I seriously think that this was the music that David danced to before the Lord!
Moving on....
Tomorrow I am starting something new. A friend recommended a book a few weeks ago called Surprise Me by Terry Esau. The premise behind the book is that Esau decided to spend one month seeking God rather than putting himself before God. What that looked like for him was that his first and main prayer of the day was simply, "Surprise me, God". Then, throughout the day, he would look for God at work in everything from the mundane to the pivotal. The book is not only his personal journal of the 30 days but also a dare for others to complete the same experiment. I'm going to take the challenge and for 30 days, I'm going to pray "Surprise me, God". For each of the 30 days, I'm going to post what happens. I have no idea what to expect except that God will be there. What better way to spend a month? So stay tuned........
Moving on....
Tomorrow I am starting something new. A friend recommended a book a few weeks ago called Surprise Me by Terry Esau. The premise behind the book is that Esau decided to spend one month seeking God rather than putting himself before God. What that looked like for him was that his first and main prayer of the day was simply, "Surprise me, God". Then, throughout the day, he would look for God at work in everything from the mundane to the pivotal. The book is not only his personal journal of the 30 days but also a dare for others to complete the same experiment. I'm going to take the challenge and for 30 days, I'm going to pray "Surprise me, God". For each of the 30 days, I'm going to post what happens. I have no idea what to expect except that God will be there. What better way to spend a month? So stay tuned........
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Verse 4
"To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy...." - Jude 24
I truly don't know what could be better! I have a God that LOVES me like crazy! He shows this by making sure that I have a solid foundation of love so I will not fall. He keeps me from falling prey to Satan's schemes, from falling victim to my own undoing, or falling to my knees before any false gods. Then, He takes it a step further. He is doing all this so He can introduce me to His Father, pure and holy, excitement bubbling over! In my mind, it looks like having your new love introduce you to his parents - hopeful anticipation and sure of how much they will adore "the one". And that is how God sees me! If that doesn't make a girl giggle, I don't know what will! I can't wait to meditate on that for two weeks!
I truly don't know what could be better! I have a God that LOVES me like crazy! He shows this by making sure that I have a solid foundation of love so I will not fall. He keeps me from falling prey to Satan's schemes, from falling victim to my own undoing, or falling to my knees before any false gods. Then, He takes it a step further. He is doing all this so He can introduce me to His Father, pure and holy, excitement bubbling over! In my mind, it looks like having your new love introduce you to his parents - hopeful anticipation and sure of how much they will adore "the one". And that is how God sees me! If that doesn't make a girl giggle, I don't know what will! I can't wait to meditate on that for two weeks!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
My Life in Ten Blessings
On facebook, Beth Mainard wrote a note about how God has blessed her life. She challenged us to think on such things and share 15 blessings from our own lives. I did it in 10 for my own personal reflection but thought I would share it as well. This is quite long but I won't be posting for a little while so take your time (if you dare). Here is my life in blessings:
1. I was blessed to be born into a home where God was present. One of my first pictures is of my first Sunday at church because it was such a significant part of who my parents were. I grew up saying prayers a dinner and bed time. We sang VBS/Sunday school songs at home and in the car. My grandmother’s cross stitch of Jesus Loves Me hung on my wall. As the years went on, our songs sometimes turned into discussions and, at times, debates. I have a sister who has stood by me through thick and thin. She is my best friend sand the greatest gift I have been given on this earth. She has brought even more of love by way of family to me. God was present from my early years.
2. I grew up in a fairly conservative church. While I have both embraced and struggled with this throughout various years in my life, I will forever be thankful for it. The men and women in the church introduced me to the majority of the scripture that I know today. They taught me how to use my bible, how to internalize what I studied, and how to not be ashamed of it. The body taught me about loving others and serving even when you are tired. The taught me how to stick with it even when things get hard because that is what a real family does. I learned about the church as a family.
4. I had a wonderful youth group. We didn’t go on mission trips or campaigns. What we did do was keep each other out of a lot of stereotypical teenage trouble. Sure, there were broken windows/lights/trampolines/doors/etc, playing in the church building when we should not have been, and a whole list of other things. However, we were safe and accepted together. Our parents trusted us together. Eventually, we were able to get a bible study going that lasted a good while. Not many people had that and I am forever thankful for them.
5. I started my college career at Lubbock Christian University. This is where I feel in love with the Old Testament. I had a professor named Dr. Jesse Long. I have never again had a professor who had such an impact on me. My eyes were opened to the humanity of the people God called out and loved deeply. I learned to thirst for the words of the prophets. In the pages of our history, I began to see God for who He is. He may never know it but Dr. Long significantly changed my spiritual life. If for no other reason, I know God led me to LCU to have that part of my heart unlocked.
6. After a semester at LCU, I knew it wasn’t where I needed to be. For the first time in my life, I truly believe that I felt a nudging from the Lord, took a step of faith, and left LCU without a college to transfer into. For months I waited on the Lord before he gave me a “Yes” to A&M. God gave me a small taste of what it would eventually mean to wait on the Lord.
7. My time at A&M opened my eyes to a world of passionate, person relationships with God. I saw what it means to desire Him from a wide assortment of people and authors. For the first time, I understood what it means to grow your own faith. The years to come would hold conversations that I am sure startled my parents at times. My questions and beliefs have built up new relationships and caused others to end. In the end, God is a purifier and I have full faith that He is working all things out for His perfect and pleasing will.
8. In His great wisdom, God saw fit that I should be humbled and shown exactly what I have been saved from. For a time, God allowed me to experience a pit, closely followed by His grace, and His mercy. He taught me about His timing and control. He showed me what He meant when he said that His ways are higher than mine. (Glory!)
9. In the past year and a half, God has been working with me on trust in all things. From where He would lead me to live, to where He would have me work, to the church He would draw me to, and then the times in my apartment alone, He has been molding me into someone I could never have imagined three years ago. He is teaching me to pray in faith and to trust that He has not only heard but answered. He is drawing out a desire to fully want to know His will and purpose for this life He has given me. He is helping me to let go and know that this life is truly not my own. In a word, it is freedom!
10. God has surrounded me by an assortment of daily witnesses to my life. From the rock and constant safe place of my sister, brother, and niece; to a life group of bold, empowered men and women; to a staff of amazing, godly individuals, God is teaching me about the beauty of His body. Our different talents and gifts - who we have been perfectly made to be in Him - all coming together for His glory! I am humbled to be a part of it daily!
1. I was blessed to be born into a home where God was present. One of my first pictures is of my first Sunday at church because it was such a significant part of who my parents were. I grew up saying prayers a dinner and bed time. We sang VBS/Sunday school songs at home and in the car. My grandmother’s cross stitch of Jesus Loves Me hung on my wall. As the years went on, our songs sometimes turned into discussions and, at times, debates. I have a sister who has stood by me through thick and thin. She is my best friend sand the greatest gift I have been given on this earth. She has brought even more of love by way of family to me. God was present from my early years.
2. I grew up in a fairly conservative church. While I have both embraced and struggled with this throughout various years in my life, I will forever be thankful for it. The men and women in the church introduced me to the majority of the scripture that I know today. They taught me how to use my bible, how to internalize what I studied, and how to not be ashamed of it. The body taught me about loving others and serving even when you are tired. The taught me how to stick with it even when things get hard because that is what a real family does. I learned about the church as a family.
4. I had a wonderful youth group. We didn’t go on mission trips or campaigns. What we did do was keep each other out of a lot of stereotypical teenage trouble. Sure, there were broken windows/lights/trampolines/doors/etc, playing in the church building when we should not have been, and a whole list of other things. However, we were safe and accepted together. Our parents trusted us together. Eventually, we were able to get a bible study going that lasted a good while. Not many people had that and I am forever thankful for them.
5. I started my college career at Lubbock Christian University. This is where I feel in love with the Old Testament. I had a professor named Dr. Jesse Long. I have never again had a professor who had such an impact on me. My eyes were opened to the humanity of the people God called out and loved deeply. I learned to thirst for the words of the prophets. In the pages of our history, I began to see God for who He is. He may never know it but Dr. Long significantly changed my spiritual life. If for no other reason, I know God led me to LCU to have that part of my heart unlocked.
6. After a semester at LCU, I knew it wasn’t where I needed to be. For the first time in my life, I truly believe that I felt a nudging from the Lord, took a step of faith, and left LCU without a college to transfer into. For months I waited on the Lord before he gave me a “Yes” to A&M. God gave me a small taste of what it would eventually mean to wait on the Lord.
7. My time at A&M opened my eyes to a world of passionate, person relationships with God. I saw what it means to desire Him from a wide assortment of people and authors. For the first time, I understood what it means to grow your own faith. The years to come would hold conversations that I am sure startled my parents at times. My questions and beliefs have built up new relationships and caused others to end. In the end, God is a purifier and I have full faith that He is working all things out for His perfect and pleasing will.
8. In His great wisdom, God saw fit that I should be humbled and shown exactly what I have been saved from. For a time, God allowed me to experience a pit, closely followed by His grace, and His mercy. He taught me about His timing and control. He showed me what He meant when he said that His ways are higher than mine. (Glory!)
9. In the past year and a half, God has been working with me on trust in all things. From where He would lead me to live, to where He would have me work, to the church He would draw me to, and then the times in my apartment alone, He has been molding me into someone I could never have imagined three years ago. He is teaching me to pray in faith and to trust that He has not only heard but answered. He is drawing out a desire to fully want to know His will and purpose for this life He has given me. He is helping me to let go and know that this life is truly not my own. In a word, it is freedom!
10. God has surrounded me by an assortment of daily witnesses to my life. From the rock and constant safe place of my sister, brother, and niece; to a life group of bold, empowered men and women; to a staff of amazing, godly individuals, God is teaching me about the beauty of His body. Our different talents and gifts - who we have been perfectly made to be in Him - all coming together for His glory! I am humbled to be a part of it daily!
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Prayer in Lyrics
I've really fallen in love with a song by John Waller called "Something Big". It really calls out to me because it is something that I have been praying for a couple of weeks now. It is one of those "dangerous" prayers because the answer could be so much more than anyone could ever anticipate. We'll see. Here are the lyrics:
I want to see something I've not seen
Something so big
I want to be a part of something great
Greater than me
It's time to dream big dreams
To see your vision become reality
Cause its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
We, yes we, are gonna sing a brand new song
Something so strong
And we will be the sound that wakes the dawn
Something so loud
Its time for breaking through
Cause there are no limits for He who holds the truth
When its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
Something bigger
Something greater
For the glory of your splendor
Something bigger
Something greater
Tell the story of your wondrous love
Something so big its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
I want to see something I've not seen
Something so big
I want to be a part of something great
Greater than me
It's time to dream big dreams
To see your vision become reality
Cause its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
We, yes we, are gonna sing a brand new song
Something so strong
And we will be the sound that wakes the dawn
Something so loud
Its time for breaking through
Cause there are no limits for He who holds the truth
When its for you and by you
and those who love you
want to do something so big
its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
Something bigger
Something greater
For the glory of your splendor
Something bigger
Something greater
Tell the story of your wondrous love
Something so big its destined to fail without you, Lord.
It's gonna fail without you, Lord.
Something so great it takes a miracle to do
Yes we your children want to do something big for you.
Something so big.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Medicine
When God knit me together, He gave me a dislike of medicine. I've really grown to like it less and less as I get older. However, I am currently "preparing for rain". In order to make some things easier later on, my wonderful doctor has started me on a couple of different prescriptions. I'll spare you the details and just say that they are not fun. All of that to say....
If you want to be scared out of your mind, read the side effects of prescription medication! Here are a few of my current favorites:
- Do not stop this medication without checking with you doctor. Stopping suddenly may result in serious side effects. (WOW! This makes me not even want to start it! What is going to happen when it is time to stop!?)
-Check with your doctor as soon as possible if you experience bone problems (pain or broken/fractured bones). (Bone pain!?)
-And my personal favorite: Contact you doctor immediately if you experience......severe vomiting or vomit that looks like coffee grounds. (That's something I'm looking forward to.)
If those aren't enough to scare you, they also warn about chronic back pain, personality changes, and higher risk of infection (including colds and chicken pox). Are you kidding me? Do you know what I do for a living? I'm exposed to this daily!
(insert deep breath here............) As silly as it may sound, taking these medicines that I REALLY don't want to is part of my personal faith in action. I am believing that this is a time of preparation that God is/will work through - possible side effects and all.
If you want to be scared out of your mind, read the side effects of prescription medication! Here are a few of my current favorites:
- Do not stop this medication without checking with you doctor. Stopping suddenly may result in serious side effects. (WOW! This makes me not even want to start it! What is going to happen when it is time to stop!?)
-Check with your doctor as soon as possible if you experience bone problems (pain or broken/fractured bones). (Bone pain!?)
-And my personal favorite: Contact you doctor immediately if you experience......severe vomiting or vomit that looks like coffee grounds. (That's something I'm looking forward to.)
If those aren't enough to scare you, they also warn about chronic back pain, personality changes, and higher risk of infection (including colds and chicken pox). Are you kidding me? Do you know what I do for a living? I'm exposed to this daily!
(insert deep breath here............) As silly as it may sound, taking these medicines that I REALLY don't want to is part of my personal faith in action. I am believing that this is a time of preparation that God is/will work through - possible side effects and all.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Verse 3
"Before they call I will answer; while the are still speaking I will hear." - Isaiah 65:24
One thing that I have learned in my prayer life is that honesty with God is so important. Every joy, pain, sorrow, and praise honestly lifted up. It is overwhelming and freeing at the same time. This verse reminds and comforts me. It reminds me that every thing I have asked, requested, or lifted up has been heard. An answer has been issued. It allows me to truly give things to God and let Him do what He does. He is SO good!
One thing that I have learned in my prayer life is that honesty with God is so important. Every joy, pain, sorrow, and praise honestly lifted up. It is overwhelming and freeing at the same time. This verse reminds and comforts me. It reminds me that every thing I have asked, requested, or lifted up has been heard. An answer has been issued. It allows me to truly give things to God and let Him do what He does. He is SO good!
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