Setting the Bar

This past week, I have spent about 11 hours in the car. I've been to Austin, Houston, back to Austin, Pleasanton, and back to San Marcos. Nuts! There are a lot of AMAZING things that I would say about the past six days but I'll not drive you nuts. Instead, I'll share something that I was reminded about while in Houston.

A little bit before 7:00 on Wednesday night, Erin, Gregg, and I were sitting around talking about what to do that night. Erin turned to me with a twinkle in her eye and mentioned that Sweet Charity was playing at Sarofim Hall. We jumped on line to play with the thought and saw that our price range had seats available. When Erin mentioned this aloud, Gregg told us to go. We both looked at him and said, "Really!!?" He said yes. We were dressed and out the door in less than five minutes. We made it to the theater district, bought tickets, and ate before the show started at 8:00. It was so much better than what we had seen in New York.

That is one of many things that I love about Gregg. He lets my sister do artsy things (like shows) with me. She is the first one that I call for those types of things. I'm pretty blessed to have an amazingly understanding brother-in-law that will send his wife off on weekends, trips, shows, and museums with me once in a while. For all I know, Gregg may be thankful for me because I get him out of some of the things he doesn't necessarily want to do. I understand that these aren't really his thing but I think that is part of what makes their relationship so strong. While they are definitely "Erin and Gregg", he is still "Gregg" and she is still "Erin". He has basketball and poker while she has Beth Moore and girls' nights. They share what is important to each other but also have their own things that they love and do. They have learned new things to enjoy from each other but they have also kept their own individualities I have to say, that is something that I really hope I have one day. They have set the bar for me and Gregg has set a bar for his future brother-in-law. I am thankful that he understands out close relationship. Yep, Gregg is pretty great!

Walking Contradictions

The past few months have been insane for me. Do I stay in San Marcos? Do I move? Where do I move? About a month ago, Mom told Jeff and Alissa that she was never sure which "me" she would get when she answered my calls. I can see why that would be true. I have been praying for profound clarity and I can see a few of things now. I have avoided the conversation out of the need to not disappoint anyone. No decision have been made or papers signed yet. Sorry if you thought that is what you would find here.

I have come to realize something about myself through this whole process. I am one huge walking contradiction. For example, the things that I love most (travel, bookstores, theater, etc) are all city types of things. I love the life that a city can provide. On the other hand, I long for a place where I can sit and see forever into the starry night, uninterrupted by city lights. I love rivers and beautiful old oak trees and fields of wild flowers. To crave both seems hard to reconcile when choosing a place to plant roots and call home.

Another example: I love my friends and family to no end. I love to be close to them and see them often. Yet, a part of me wants to break out and try new places and new things. The comfort and adventure of it all seems to not weave together easily.

Despite the inner questions that float through my mind, I write this with more peace than I have had in a few weeks. I'm not sure what the next couple of weeks will hold but tonight, I feel calm. Calm is good....

Not So Sweet Dreams!

I think that it is funny to hear people talk about dreams. To me, they are usually great fun. I have all 5 senses in my dreams so everything is VERY detailed. They are either vividly realistic or hysterically absurd. I very rarely have bad/disturbing dreams - only about once every two years. Last night was one of those nights.

I was at a friends house in their backyard. It was a very pleasant evening with a gentle breeze. The yard was filled with majestic oaks and cool, dew kissed carpet grass, We all ran around barefooted. Their dog was leashed to a zipline so he could run without actually jumping on us. We were tossing a frisbee as the dog tried to keep up. My friend's wife came out and asked him to come in to help her for a minute. We all collapsed upon blankets and stared at the star filled sky. We saw a piece of a space station that had been separated from the main unit float parallel to the earth. As we looked closer, we noticed that something red was appearing right above it. Breaking through the night sky, a HUGE, fire kissed meteor came out of nowhere. We watched it fall towards the earth south of the horizon. We knew two things: it was going to be very loud when it hit and this was it. I covered my ears and rolled from my back onto my right side in the fetal position. The meteor collided with earth and the blast was shattering. I felt the sound waves carry me off of the blanket and float me out into the sky. As I continued to feel the push of blast behind me and the pull of space before me, all that I could calmly think was "I'm ready now. Come take me home."

When I woke up, the clock said 5:30 and I was as clammy as a sick person. My heart was racing and it took a few moments to realize where I was. It took me a while but I finally went back to sleep. This time, I dreamed of a road trip to California. Back to my usual dreams. However, today, the meteor dream is the one sticking with me.

When All Is Said And Done....

I have a few goals for this summer. The most successful so far are to read and write more. I am half way through my third week and I am reading my fourth book. I have a couple of pieces underway so one or two may be coming up for you to read in the next few weeks.

One of the books that I want to read this summer is a biography of Eleanor Roosevelt. I am very intrigued by her and the work that she did. I can't wait to learn more about who she was. As I have anticipated looking for a book on her, it has made me wonder: If anyone wrote a biography about me, what would be in it? What would be the defining moments? How would I be remembered? What characteristics would be put in print for the world to see?

These thoughts are very humbling. It makes me very aware of what I say and how I come across to others. After all, when all is striped away, others will determine how you are remembered. It has also reinforced the fact that our pasts are the road maps to not only who we are but who we will be. Our experiences mold our thoughts, actions, reactions, and words. They catch us off guard in the most pleasant and heart breaking of times. They tell who we are and how far we have come.

When all is finished and we are part of the past, what will people say about us?

My Bonnie

Bonnie has to be one of my favorite friends. We met about a year ago and became friends pretty quickly. We are going to Denver together and I am SO excited! She has the most contagious laugh of anyone that I know. It is explosive in the best of ways. I can't be around her without smiling. She brings out the less serious side of me.

In October, we went to Corpus to cheer on the guys at District contest. We shared a room and met up with everyone throughout the weekend. As fun as that was, I have to admit that the most fun moments were in the elevators of the hotel. They were the kind that seemed to freefall when they started and jerk to a stop. Your stomach was always everywhere but right where it should be. We discovered that they were the absolute best elevators for jumping on. We would squat down facing each other, giggling in anticipation. As soon as the elevator would drop, we would jump as high as we could, squealing, and hit the ground laughing hysterically. We spent LOTS of time just riding up and down. We perfected the exact moment of the jump so that we would catch more airtime. One of the best parts about it would be when the doors would open and a stranger would be greeted by two girls laughing so hard we couldn't breathe. We got some interesting looks. One friend told us that you could hear us laughing even before the doors would open.

You have to love friends that make you forget you're a grown up.

Little Caleb

Yesterday I blogged about Caleb keeping me up all night but I wanted to share something funny he did. We were at a fundraiser for a quartet going to Internationals and the chorus was going to perform. Their set this year is western so several men were wearing their cowboy hats. Caleb showed up with a "big boy cowboy hat" and a rope. Several of us were standing in line to get plates and he ran up to his dad with the biggest smile ever. When we asked what he was so happy about, he pointed to a man about five people behind us and yelled, "Johnny Cash!" He was star struck! We played along and he got the man to lead about 10 of us in "Ring of Fire". Yes, little Caleb does know just about every word!

My Small Glimps at Motherhood

Back in October, Erin wrote a blog with the same title. Last night, I had a glimpse into what the future might possibly hold for me.

A friend of mine is producing an album for a band and they had a LATE show in Austin. He is a single dad and it is his weekend to have his son. I told him that I would watch Caleb. We met at a fundraiser for some friends and switched the car seat and the kid. Caleb was NOT in the mood to listen to the singing so we left pretty quickly. We went to Hastings, got books for his birthday, and went to his house to read. About 10:30, he looked at me and said "It's time for bed!" Since the band was staying at their house that night, I was going to stay in Caleb's room with him. We went to tuck in and say prayers only to find the night light was burnt out. To calm the fears growing in his four year old eyes, I went ahead and went to bed to - with the four year old.

Let me just tell you, I now understand why parents don't allow children in their beds! Usually, I am a sound sleeper but last night, not so much. He made this weird sound that woke me up every time I was almost asleep. About 1:30, I figured out that he was grinding his teeth. When we wasn't grinding his teeth, he was wiggling and flopping around. Several times, I woke up with a hit to the head or a kick in the back. He almost rolled out of bed about 4 times and I caught him just in time. About 3:00, I gave up and just laid their wide awake. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. A full sized bed was NOT big enough. At one point I went and sat in the hallway just to have a break. When his dad and the band got back, I went home. I was so keyed up that I didn't get to sleep until about 6:00 this morning. I got my room and closet clean but I overslept and missed church.

The whole time that I was dodging body parts and trying to figure out what that noise was, I was awe struck. This wasn't my kid but everything in me was very aware of his every move and sound. What is it going to be like when the child is mine!? Oh my!

Watch out! He's gonna be a heart breaker!

Calling Mr. Phelps

When I moved to San Marcos, I made the decision to keep my old cell phone number and get a land line for local use. I literally NEVER use the land line. My grandparents used to call me on it but I think they have figured out that I don't check it too often. Basically, it is there in case anyone from work needs to get a hold of me. The only people who use it anymore are telemarketers. Unfortunately, the phone rings off the hook.

The thing about telemarketers is that they leave messages that are not the best. You know, half of a phone number here, number with no name there. Usually, I hit the play button and walk out of the room. Lately, there is one message that I have been getting every day. At first it annoyed me to no end but now it makes me laugh.

Everyday, when I hit play, a woman in on my machine saying "Please call Mr. Phelps office at..." and leaves a number. She never says why or what the call is in regards to. After the initial annoyance wore off, I had to laugh at her unwavering commitment to leave messages for someone who will NOT be returning the call. Then, a couple of days ago, I started wondering why the name Mr. Phelps was so familiar. Then it hit me. I have been getting calls from a top secret government agency with the request to call and get my mission to save America! Everyday, when I hear that message, I laugh. Whatever happens to our country, I apologize in advance. I will not be returning his call and I will not chose to accept the mission. After all, I don't want my phone to self destruct.....

Sunset

Last night Bonnie came over and we made some plans about our trip to Denver. We got everything accomplished that we planned on doing and decided to go watch the guys rehearse. As we walked out the door, we were met with the most beautiful sight I have seen in quite a while. Storm clouds were moving away from us and just underneath, the sun was setting. The sky between the earth's horizon and the bottom of the storm clouds was filled with the richest fuchsias, oranges, violets, and navys that I have ever seen. In the bottom of the clouds, lightning flickered and danced momentarily to highlight the beauty just below it. As we drove to campus, the river beside us mirrored the scene above. It was so beautiful that it almost seemed unreal. At that moment I wished for Darla's artistic hand or Daniel's photographic eye. Instead, I was just thankful that I got to see it at all.

Because I Love My Erin

I would have done this on my own and not posted it but since Erin asked (and I love her oh so much), here is my version of the iPod game. If for no other reason, you can see my taste in music and maybe find someone new to listen to. Some actually hit the nail on the head - scary! Enjoy!

• How do you feel today? - Black Horse and the Cherry Tree by KT Tunstall
• What's your outlook on life? - Peace Train by Cat Stevens
• What does your family think of you? - Love Train by The O'Jays
• What do your friends think of you? - One Short Day from Wicked
• What do your exes think of you? - Always On Your Side by Sheryl Crow
• How's your love life? -Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
• How will your love life be in the future? - All You Need is Love by Lynden David Hall (remake of the Beatles)
• Will you get married? Love Me by OC Times
• Are you good at school? - Red Dress by Maia Sharp
• Will you be successful? - Thank Goodness from Wicked
• What song should they play on your birthday? - Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls (Yikes!)
• What song should they play at your graduation? - All Over The World by Tree63
• The soundtrack of your life? - Colorful by Rocco DeLuca (Yes please!)
• You and your best friends are? - Stand by Rascal Flatts
• Happy times - Save the Last Dance for Me by Harry Connick Jr.
• Sad times - Lost by Michael Buble'
• Every day - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For by U2
• For tomorrow - Audience of One by Audio Adrineline
• For you - Sway by Michael Buble'
• What does next year have in store for you? - Let Love In by Goo Goo Dolls
• What do you say when life gets too hard? - Pure Imagination/Candy Man by Harry Connick Jr.
• What song will you dance to at your wedding? - Seasons of Love from Rent
• What do you want as your career? - Faith My Eyes by Caedmon's Call
• Your favorite saying - Express Yourself by Charles Wright
• How will you die? - Sleep All Day by Jason Mraz

Twiddling My Thumbs

It is the third day of summer break and I am bored. That is the problem with being a teacher. We got from 90 to nothing in literally minutes. For 9 months, we work ourselves silly and then it ends. Turn in the check list and you have NOTHING to do anymore. I don't think I could ever be a stay at home woman. I've finished a book, worked out every day, been to the grocery store, cleaned the kitchen, and run to SA and Austin. Notice that I cleaned the kitchen and not the house. I'm trying to spread things out so I can have something to do each day. I'm bored.... Tomorrow is training in Austin so I'll have something to do all day (yea!).

I hope to be planning a trip in the next couple of weeks. There is a good chance that I may be going to Denver for a few days with some friends. There is talk of a spontaneous kayaking trip in the near future. I've been thinking about Atlanta because that would allow me to be in a city by myself but know someone there (just in case). Who knows. With a move coming up, I can't spend too much money. We'll see....

Love, love to you all!

What!?

So today was the interview in San Antonio at 2:00. I made sure I looked professional, went through the portfolio, jumped in the car to SA, and got there 10 minutes early (yep, you read that right - early). They had a questionaire about who I do and don't like to work with, philosophy, etc. When the vice principal came out, he was very nice. Then he dropped the bomb. They had just received a phone call that there would be a new principal next year and that all interviews were being canceled until they got to meet with him - starting with mine. The said that they would be calling all applicants to reschedule after they spoke with the new boss. That's right - my interview was canceled before it even began. I was a polite about it, of course, shook his hand, and drove back home. All I could think as I walked out of the school was, "OK God, what did you mean by that one?"

Prayers for a Monday

I few weeks ago, I announced that I was going to stay on in San Marcos for another year. Professionally, it is by far the BEST decision I could make. I won't go into the praises for my school district again so you can be thankful for that.

Then, last weekend, I got to spend hours with my friends at Caleb's house. I laughed more in that night than I had in the past few weeks combined. When I got home the next day, the apartment was quiet and it made me realize what I am sacrificing for my wonderful job. Again, I have been torn about next year. I've been in a out of prayer for the past week about which is more important: the job I love and spend most of my days doing or the people that I love. Should be a no brainer but for some reason, it's not.

This morning, I woke up at 5:00 burdened about next year. I laid in bed and prayed for almost an hour. As I was getting ready for work, the DJs that I listen to were offering up career advice about staying in one place to establish yourself. Then, as I was about to walk out the door, I got a call from an elementary in San Antonio. We set up an interview for 2:00 tomorrow. I got off the phone and couldn't breathe at the idea of leaving my school. In proximity to the people I love, it would only put me 15 minutes closer.

HELP!

Good Friday!

Another year is under my belt. Today, I hugged my kids and sent them off to their summer vacations. Next year they will enter 5th grade on a new campus. Many have promised to come see me on back to school night when younger brothers and sisters are meeting new teachers. This group of kids has been so special to me. For the past 9 months, they have been my world. I have gotten so attached to them that it gives me hope towards the possibility of being a mom some day. They are lovable even when they made me crazy. I don't know how I could love any children more than I do these. I will miss them. (Sorry for no faces - privacy laws.... but aren't the back of their heads cute!)

To celebrate surviving the year with my angels, I met Todd for dinner in New Braunfels. It was pretty perfect because just as I love my kids like no other, I love Todd like no other friend. We have a very unique friendship. Sometimes we go a couple of weeks between seeing each other but we care about each other very much. I'm pretty sure that the best thing to compare our relationship to would be an amazingly close older brother and younger sister. He calls me "kiddo" and is probably the only one who could do that without annoying me to death. He is very protective and encouraging but also the biggest goofball - ADHD does not begin to describe him. There is no other Todd.

So this day was filled with some of the people that I love most in this world. What a great day!