Love

Everyday I think I am learning something new about love. The lesson that God is pounding into me right now is that love is hard.

I have a difficult class this year. Their attitude and motivation changes literally moment to moment. Most of the time, it hinges on the behavior on my FOCUS students (FOCUS is the program for students labeled emotionally disturbed). They rule the room and they don't even know it. My whole day depends on how they feel.

One of them had a BAD hour yesterday. He had his Pokemon cards picked up at lunch and given to me. I told him that he could have them back at the end of the day and he LOST it. I'm talking grabbing my wrist and yanking me around, hitting me, ramming his body full force into me, etc etc etc. He had to be removed into intense FOCUS for the remainder of the day.

Today he was fine. He even had an apology note that he gave to me of his own accord. We had a great day until writing. I still haven't figured out why but he cut his eyelashes with his scissors. He was SO embarrassed and upset. We spent a while just chilling out and relaxing so he could go to PE.

Just about everyday he loves on me with leaning and hugs. Then, he turns about and tells me that he hates me and calls me names that would have gotten my mouth rinsed out with soap. Then an hour later, he is apologizing and leaning his forehead on my shoulder. Then he does something to that makes my head hurt.

I can see why most people stay angry at him. He says and does hateful things. He is disrespectful and mean. He doesn't know how to handle his emotion so his impulse control needs lots of training. There are some teachers from his past that have never gotten over him. They haven't allowed him to change and grow. But I am not that person. I love this child to death. He is the one I will wonder about in years to come. He can't 100% control what he does so you have to look beyond his behavior and see into his heart. He is doing the very best that he can with all that he has. I love him for it.

That's the thing about love. Most of the time, it is not easy to love this child but despite that, I do. It is hard to be called names and treated like poo. You don't chose who touches your heart. There is no rhyme or reason to it. There is no explaining why people do what they do or are what they are. You just love and accept people where they are. You just love the best that you can with all that you have - no matter how hard it is.