Lately, I have been watching human behavior. A very sad conclusion that I have reached is this: People are mean.
If you look back at your days in school, there was a kid in your class that got picked on. They were singled out and picked on. Now we call it bullying. My class has one. We will call this student "Sam". Sam is sweet and enthusiastic. Sam loves to learn and is relatively naive to the things of this world. It is refreshing to visit and talk to Sam. Almost reassuring that not all kids know too much too fast.
The other kids are mean to Sam. Excuse me...ruthless. They touch each other and pass on "Sam germs". They look straight at Sam and call Sam ugly. They laugh in Sam's face and call Sam dumb and gross. They talk behind Sam's back, steal Sam's things, and purposefully seek out ways to make Sam cry. It is almost a game. I know...I've watched it on a daily basis.
The kicker is that I have tried everything I legally can to make it stop. Nothing has worked. It has reached the point that Sam was recently diagnosed as having Trichotillomania. In case you don't know what this is, it is a condition where you pull out your own hair to release anxiety and stress. At 9 years old! What is wrong with this picture!?
What kills me is this - where did a group of children learn to be so mean!? What have they seen and what is life like for them? I mean, think about it. They are looking for ways to make Sam's life miserable - on purpose! I've never had the feeling of Me vs. Them. No one else in that room is fighting for Sam, so it is up to me. And I am losing. What do I do? This is not rhetorical....
What do I do!?
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5 comments:
As a child I watched exactly what you're talking about happen to a girl named Coleen. I did nothing to stop it. Most of my life I have tried to come to terms with that, but I can't. It is a stain that haunts me.
What I think you need to do is to find another child who is singled out - in another class, another teachers painful burden. And get them together. It is my opinion that he must have a child who accepts him - the adult thing won't work.
And dana, please do it quick.
I like Jackie's comment about finding another child to pair him with. Sad there isn't one in the class who would do that - maybe there is?!
Call the "bullie" out on it, too. Like Jackie, we had a "Sam" too - Stacey w/ scabs on her legs. I remember being in the fourth grade and thinking students AND TEACHERS were mean to her. I'll tell you about the mean teacher later.
I know for a fact, and am glad, you won't be the mean teacher that I remember. Sam will remember that, too.
Gabe will be Sam one day so if you find something that works, let me know. Gabe is very socially delayed and it is very obvious. Since he is only in Kinder the other kids haven't yet learned the art of being bullies. I fear that instead of him being the kid that everyone thinks they need to take care of, he'll be the kid that everyone cuts down. This really bothers me. I'm his momma!
I have three people I think about that were treated badly by students in school:
Jason in 3rd grade - he was a gangly kids with a burred haircut, long face and big teeth. We were so mean to him, but he turned out to be a pretty good friend eventually;
David Little in junior and senior high school - not a very likeable person. He lived around the corner from us in Houston. He always tried to make himself stand out for one reason or another. I remember reading of his passing away some years ago. It made me feel sad that he did what he did and we did what we did;
Richard in high school - He had epilepsy (grand mal). He was the nicest person but people made fun of him. He really was a joy to be around. Nothing seemed to faze him. He just brushed himself off and went on. He was always accepting of anything people did for him. Now that I think about it, he was a pretty good example for us.
Mine was Pat Meadows... she ended up in the military doing Russian interpretation at the United Nations - we really showed her she was nothing!!!
Almost always, what goes around comes around; Sam will show up at their reunion (where you are recognized as their alltime favorite teacher!) with a wonderful life and happy, because she is learning she is valued by you. This is nothing new to her; she's learned how to cope and how to shut the bullies out. You may not see it now, but the other kids are learning from you to that Sam is worthy and valuable.
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