A year ago this weekend, I went to Colorado for the Captivating Retreat. It was a truly life changing weekend. When I shared about it a year ago, I kept it pretty light. Right now, some dear friends are coming together there again for the advanced weekend. As I pray for them, I remember this sweet word from the Lord.
On the flight to Denver, I told God about all of the things I hoped for and if I only got one of them, that would be enough for me. And I meant it with my whole heart. God, being who He is, not only did everything that I hoped for, He did more. Just because He can. Just because He loves me. I so wish I could sit down with you and tell you all about it. I can't. However, there is one part I have to share. It can't be held in.
During our Covenant of Silence time on Friday night, we were to spend time asking God a few questions: What do you say about me? How do you feel towards me? By what name do you call me? This was something I had been desiring to hear so badly over the past couple of years. God has led me out of what was known and expected of me. The repercussions of that have been more blessing than I have ever hoped to know coupled with more pain than I knew was possible. This pain was tied to past areas of injury that were still healing. I needed to hear from God, especially in these areas.
Throughout our time that night, the Lord spoke very healing and sweet words over my heart. However, I couldn't hear my name. We were given a white stone to consider in reference to Revelation 2:17. ( I will also give to each of them a white stone with a new name written on it, which no one knows except the one who receives it.) I held my white stone, rubbing it with my thumb. I could feel my name right there but I had no idea what it was. I would get a word or phrase but it didn't feel like my name. Sweet but my spirit didn't respond to it. Then it came:
Wild Woman
I knew this was it because two things happened immediately. 1. My heart leaped and a giggled slipped out of my lips. 2. I heard in the back of my head, "That's not me." Thankfully, I was able to recognize what just happened - it was the first thing my spirit responded to and it was the first thing that was attacked. I sat with it a moment asking God if He was sure. "You know me. I'm a 30 year old, single, first grade teacher that loves to sit in bookstores and drink hot tea. Wild Woman? I trust you but I don't see it." God told me He knows. He's sure. We weren't finished but He sent me to bed.
That night, this Texas girl woke up with very cold toes. I slipped on socks but was wide awake. God was ready to finish this. As I laid in my bed with just God to keep me company, this is what went down:
God: What are you struggling with?
Me: The "wild" part.
God: What does wild mean to you?
Me: Edgy. Crazy. Sporty. Extreme.
God: That's adventurous. Not wild.
Me: What does wild mean to You?
God: Look around. These mountains that take your breath away. These aspens you are falling in love with. That stream you sat by earlier. The stars that you've been waiting to sit under. All of that is wild. That is my creation. It is strong and beautiful just as I made it. It is exactly where I want it. It is under my care. In my hands, it is perfect in every way. There is nothing that can make it better aside from Me. That is what wild means. Untouched by man. You, Dana, are my Wild Woman. Made be Me - In your beauty. In your strength. In My care. You are untamed, wild beauty.
I'm thankful God is an emotional God. I'm thankful He understands the need for tears. I'm thankful He allows us to process things in bits. I'm thankful He is sweet to continually reveal the layers of what He said that night. He has shown me more of what wild means to Him.
Now my white rock sits in Cairo, Egypt. When I glance at it and see the words "Wild Woman" written on it, I smile. There is still a part of me that shakes my head at that. No one but God would call me wild. Maybe that's part of the reason He chose it. But when I sit with it, when I remember, it takes my breath away.
On the flight to Denver, I told God about all of the things I hoped for and if I only got one of them, that would be enough for me. And I meant it with my whole heart. God, being who He is, not only did everything that I hoped for, He did more. Just because He can. Just because He loves me. I so wish I could sit down with you and tell you all about it. I can't. However, there is one part I have to share. It can't be held in.
During our Covenant of Silence time on Friday night, we were to spend time asking God a few questions: What do you say about me? How do you feel towards me? By what name do you call me? This was something I had been desiring to hear so badly over the past couple of years. God has led me out of what was known and expected of me. The repercussions of that have been more blessing than I have ever hoped to know coupled with more pain than I knew was possible. This pain was tied to past areas of injury that were still healing. I needed to hear from God, especially in these areas.
Throughout our time that night, the Lord spoke very healing and sweet words over my heart. However, I couldn't hear my name. We were given a white stone to consider in reference to Revelation 2:17. ( I will also give to each of them a white stone with a new name written on it, which no one knows except the one who receives it.) I held my white stone, rubbing it with my thumb. I could feel my name right there but I had no idea what it was. I would get a word or phrase but it didn't feel like my name. Sweet but my spirit didn't respond to it. Then it came:
Wild Woman
I knew this was it because two things happened immediately. 1. My heart leaped and a giggled slipped out of my lips. 2. I heard in the back of my head, "That's not me." Thankfully, I was able to recognize what just happened - it was the first thing my spirit responded to and it was the first thing that was attacked. I sat with it a moment asking God if He was sure. "You know me. I'm a 30 year old, single, first grade teacher that loves to sit in bookstores and drink hot tea. Wild Woman? I trust you but I don't see it." God told me He knows. He's sure. We weren't finished but He sent me to bed.
That night, this Texas girl woke up with very cold toes. I slipped on socks but was wide awake. God was ready to finish this. As I laid in my bed with just God to keep me company, this is what went down:
God: What are you struggling with?
Me: The "wild" part.
God: What does wild mean to you?
Me: Edgy. Crazy. Sporty. Extreme.
God: That's adventurous. Not wild.
Me: What does wild mean to You?
God: Look around. These mountains that take your breath away. These aspens you are falling in love with. That stream you sat by earlier. The stars that you've been waiting to sit under. All of that is wild. That is my creation. It is strong and beautiful just as I made it. It is exactly where I want it. It is under my care. In my hands, it is perfect in every way. There is nothing that can make it better aside from Me. That is what wild means. Untouched by man. You, Dana, are my Wild Woman. Made be Me - In your beauty. In your strength. In My care. You are untamed, wild beauty.
I'm thankful God is an emotional God. I'm thankful He understands the need for tears. I'm thankful He allows us to process things in bits. I'm thankful He is sweet to continually reveal the layers of what He said that night. He has shown me more of what wild means to Him.
Now my white rock sits in Cairo, Egypt. When I glance at it and see the words "Wild Woman" written on it, I smile. There is still a part of me that shakes my head at that. No one but God would call me wild. Maybe that's part of the reason He chose it. But when I sit with it, when I remember, it takes my breath away.
1 comment:
Me too. I'm still captivated.
When you told me you were moving to Egypt awhile back, I actually thought of this story and remembered God's name for you. It seems fitting to me! :) Wild and courageous Dana. :)
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