Authentic Prayer

I have been thinking about public prayer a little bit lately. Alissa and I talked about this last week on the way home from Bible Study. Tonight, it ran across my brain while a lady was closing the discussion portion of the evening. Just thought I would share...

I think (and could be wrong) that we have learned how to lead a public prayer. I don't just mean men in worship either. Women in study as well. Very formal and without much expression. What if we prayed publicly like we do privately? I don't mean the bearing of our innermost struggles but the passion to which we praise, cry out, beg, and thank? What would that do for a body of believers? Can you imagine the growth and call to personal relationship? What are we so afraid of? Honest prayer? I know someone who wouldn't mind!

I heard a woman today pray over our group and I felt a sincerity in public prayer that I haven't heard in quite a while. No formulated words practiced over time. I knew she was talking to her savior and I wanted to draw in too. I have no doubt in my mind he was right there listening to all her of her sincere words and poured out heart.

What a blessing it would be!

Maybe It's Because I Live Near Austin....

I have been a "glass is half full" type of person for the majority of my life. I've slipped out of it at times but I always returned to my optimistic, realistic self eventually. However, lately I have noticed that my descriptions of life have been that things and people are "beautiful" or that "it is all about love". It leads me to one conclusion. I think that I have a little hippie in me. Not the flaky type of hippie but the "love everyone" and "life is beautiful" type of hippie. Like I said, just a little bit - not an overwhelming amount. I just hope it is more enduring than annoying....

Tribute to Harry

Even thought I have never been a singer, I cannot tell you how much I love music. Probably not as much as some but it is there big time. I probably get that from my dad. Not a performing singer but a definite passion for the art is there. Along with the love of music goes that that one artist that you have followed for as long as you can remember. For me that artist is Harry Connick Jr.

Harry is by far one of the best musicians EVER! Big Band to Jazz, piano to singing to drums. Even if you don't like his style of music, you have to appreciate the amount of talent the man has! He introduced me to the standards and started my passion that would later lead to Michael Buble, Tony DeSare, Erin Bode, and Jane Monheit. He also introduced me to many songs that I would later meet again in the barbershop world. He is from New Orleans and has done amazing things for the city since Katrina by using his God given gifts. I am impressed constantly but him.

The first time I heard Harry, I was in 6th grade. I had an instrument lesson after school and, while we were waiting for my mom to pick me up, my band director played Red Light, Blue Light for me. From the first scream of the trumpet, I was hooked. Dad took me to my first concert at the Majestic during his Star Turtle tour. During the encore, he marched around the theater and unknowingly popped me in the hand with a drum stick. Dad was pleasantly surprised with how much he enjoyed the show. David Robinson was there and got on stage to play bass with the band. Total ad lib and really good! Then, when he played the Municipal Auditorium, Julie and I saw him for his Come By Me tour. Back to the standards and big band this concert. Good times!!

Last night I was checking my email and Ticketmaster sent me the alert that he is coming to San Antonio again! I am SO excited! As soon as payday hits, I am (hopefully) getting tickets. This is his Oh, My Nola tour so it will be filled with New Orleans style jazz. Here is hoping for a third concert!

So...who do/have you see repeatedly in concert?

Why We Pray

Tonight I was reading over Daniel 9 since we are starting it on Thursday night. I found something really beautiful at the end of vs. 18. Daniel, in prayer, simply says:

"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."

How true is that!? We don't ask things of God because we are wonderful beings. How arrogant and wrong is that!? We ask of God because, in His great mercy, He wants to bless us as we seek Him (and His will) with all of our hearts. THAT is why we pray!

Bible Study Will Do This To You...

There are definite pros and cons to being 27 and single. I have thought about writing a blog describing the joys of your own apartment vs the not so joyous moments of living alone. One thing that Erin has encouraged has been going somewhere new and living an adventure. Every time she has brought it up, I have been reduced to tears while explaining why that is not as glamorous as she may think it sounds. Until recently....

A beautiful woman from my church home invited Alissa and I to join her in a study of Daniel via Beth Moore. I played catch up the past five days (that is 30 homework assignments - intense!) so I can be where the rest of the group is. I've been brought to my knees in prayer over so many things. My heart has been mixed with inexpressible joy and burdening concern for others. To say that my outlook on life has been changed is an understatement! What once sounded scary and baffling is now the greatest cause of comfort for me. It may sound sudden but I do believe that this has been in the plans for quite a while. I just hadn't opened my eyes yet.

I don't know what the future holds for me. I have made life decisions upon what I thought would be best at the time. I have been blessed along the way and I know that God worked through my decisions. However, I know that there is more out there that what I decide. I have begun to pray for God to lead me to where He needs me most. I'm talking location, occupation, church home - you name it. If God says "go!", I'll be there. I'm no longer afraid that I will end up somewhere alone because I know that I won't be. God is already there waiting. I may be sent somewhere totally unexpected or He may just want me to stay here. I don't know. Yet, I have such an amazing peace about it! I went to my principal today and told here that I am beginning to seek out other places to be for next year. I was not nervous at all and she gave me her full support.

So I write this to ask for your prayers. I covet them greatly! I ask for discernment to know what He says. I ask for peace and joy until I am told where to go. I ask for focus as to not be distracted along the way. You are mighty in prayer and I beg you to petition on my behalf. Our God hears and He will be faithful to answer.

Sharing Daniel

A few years ago, a group I was studying with was looking for a new workbook. I immediately recommended Beth Moore even though it was a mixed sex group. I explained that even though she writes with a focus towards women, she has been given a beautiful gift for the Word. The idea was tolerated long enough to humor me and then another study was found without true consideration for my opinion. Now, as much as it may sound like I am complaining, I am not telling you this to stomp my feet and whine about not getting my way. Here is what I am saying:

I am working through the book of Daniel using a Beth Moore series. I am being SO blessed by it! I've wanted to study prophecy for some time and I love the accounts of what happened during Daniel's time on earth. As I work through, I find myself being changed. Not so much by Beth but by the words God has given us. I find myself aware of the world around me and the role I play in it. I feel drawn closer to God in numerous ways that He knows I need right now. I feel a clearer sense of who I am being called to be in Christ. I feel an awareness of the world around me and what it would have me be. The two differ so much but I am being fed real, solid food to prepare me for whatever comes my way! I can honestly say that it has been a few years since I have been so eager to study my Bible.

As I work through the book, several names are being laid on my heart to take this study to. I feel burdened to ask them to honestly go through this study and grow closer to the God who spoke through Daniel. A few of these names are those of men. I fear that my recommendation won't be taken seriously because it was written for women and by a woman. This opens up a big can of worms for those who have a history in the church of Christ but I pray that they would look past that and see the lessons that are theirs for the taking. God is calling us to be more than we are. I hope I can live up to it.

Beating Myself Up

Yesterday our principal sent out an email stating that we were needing to be more punctual to our duty times and that she would be taking note of those who did not make the safety of our students a priority. Lucky me, me duty is on Wednesday mornings at 7:30 - first duty after the email.

So I get up this morning and start to get ready. I realized that I had to go to Wal-Mart before work so I stepped it into gear. I ended up getting to campus at 7:25. So I had to get my stuff and two cases of water to my classroom, snacks for my team to the lounge, and me to the cafeteria for duty in 5 minutes. I've got everything on me except the water. I reach down to grab and lift. As I am putting my adrenaline rushed body behind 24 bottles of water, the plastic wrapping broke and my fist flew up to meet me. Basically, I punched myself in the nose! All I could do is yell, "Ouch!" and cup my hands to my face. I tell you what, I can pack a wallop! It took a minute to gain my composure.

I now had about 3 minutes and am still in the parking lot. I had tears sitting in my eyes and my nose was red and throbbing. I hauled booty and went straight to the cafeteria. (I found two students along the way to take the water for me.) As I opened the door (only 30 seconds late), kids start avoiding me because I look like I am very upset - watery eyes, sniffing, sneezing, and sounding stuffy when I talked. Honestly, I can't blame them! I let them believe I wasn't feeling well. Would you want to tell 9 year olds that you punched yourself in the nose!?

And you thought the title was just figurative....

Politics and Religion - Dangerous Combination

Lately I have been disillusioned with many things in the government. I can't back anything up except that I know what I believe to be right and fair. I've been looking at various political parties to see where I might "fit". I find that there is one I am heavily drawn to. However, they have a strong stance for individual rights. We all know what this means and I do not agree with some of those rights.

Example: I was talking to someone in the medical field. They told me that they disagree with abortion with everything in their being but they will vote pro-abortion every time. When I asked why, the response that I got was that people will find ways to do what they want. We should at least make it safe for them instead of going to some shady, chop shop where they might seriously injure or kill themselves. While I'm not sure I agree but I do understand what they are saying.

I feel like imposing my beliefs on others opens a huge can of worms. After all, if I force my beliefs on other people legally, who is to say that the same can't happen to me one day?

So here is my BIG question: Does affiliating with a pro-individual rights party mean that I support what they are advocating? Does this make me a hypocrite as a Christian?

Politics in School

This week, my class has begun the task of exposing ourselves to as many types of text as possible to prepare for the dreaded TAKS test in April. One of the pieces we really sunk our teeth into was entitled "Global Warming". What an experience! The article discussed what it is, how it works, and possible outcomes if warming continues at the rate is currently is occurring. It freaked out a couple of the kids but we discussed that the extremes that the article presented was a long way away and not going to happen tonight. It seemed to calm some ruffled feathers.

The part of the article that struck me was a box on the side. It presented the Kyoto Protocol and how the nations were attempting to cut back on pollution. At the end of the box, it stated that President Bush was refusing to sign the treaty because it would be too expensive for American companies to make the changes needed and that America would do nothing to hurt our economy. Once we figured out what "economy" meant, the kids were full of questions. Does the president care more about money than the earth? Why does he want us to die? If we are big polluters, why doesn't President Bush want to help clean up?


I spend many, many minutes explaining that we don't know if global warming is a natural occurrence or if we are hurting the Earth. It didn't seem to help. I find myself lost in the debate but have reached the only conclusion that I can right now. The kids seem to agree so either I am as simple minded as a room of 10 year olds or I have a very bright class. The bottom line is that our Earth is our home. We must take care of it. If we are going to live here, we must respect where we are to the best of our abilities. We must leave our world in a better shape than we found it. In a way I guess I am saying, go hug a tree!


You can't tell me there aren't politics in schools!

Bless His Heart

I have a child in my class that has some issues. I love the boy to death but truth be told, he wears me out. Today was a prime example. He has a pretty intense crush on one of the girls in our class and wants to tell her. Correction: He wants me to tell her. Or he wants to have me stand in the hall with the two of them so he can tell her privately. I know she doesn't feel the same way so I am trying to protect him. No one should have their little heart broken at 10 years old.

So he asks when we can talk to her about 10 times before lunch. When we finally go to lunch, he begins to bawl. I take him to my room and we talk all the way through lunch. I cries and expresses so many feelings. For example, he doesn't know how to talk to her anymore. He is scared of rejection. He is trying not to get in trouble so she will think he's a good guy. He is trying to crack jokes because she likes funny people but she isn't laughing at his jokes. He likes her so much! It is completely hijacking his brain! I literally can't get any work out of him. Even at the end of the day, the last thing he says to me is, "Can you ask her please!?"

My heart went out to the little man but all I could think was thank goodness I am not there anymore. Don't get me wrong...I'm not calling myself an expert on men by any means of the imagination. I'm just saying, all of the unknown of the first time is over. There is not enough money in the world to take me back to emerging hormones and confusion over the first time you notice someone has lost their cooties.

Bless his heart!

Just Me

The interview question that drives me up the wall is "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I understand that the interviewer is attempting to see if you have goals and what your priorities are. Let's be honest...you are going to answer whatever they want to hear to get the job. Besides, there really is no telling what your life will be like tomorrow let alone 5 years later. What is wrong with today? What is wrong with learning who you are and living in the here and now? I don't see anything wrong with it. So....after months of thought and searching, here is who I am and what I am like right now. Some are silly and some are not. Hope you like me!

• I am a word person. Books, lyrics, quotes...I love them all! Book Clubs and Bible Studies. What a great way to spend your time!
• I am a singer who hates to perform. I prefer the background, behind the scenes rolls. I like to make others look good.
• I believe that passion is contagious. Find yours and share it with others. Just make sure it is your own and not what you caught from someone else.
• I believe that reading changes your life. If you can't read, it hurts not only your academic growth but your self esteem as well.
• I believe that people deserve 2nd, 3rd, 8th, and 12th chances. I need them!
• I believe that relationships (every kind) go both ways. No relationship can work if one person does all of the work.
• I love greens and browns. They are colors of life and beauty. They are calm and peaceful.
• I believe that once you have loved someone, you never completely stop. They stay in that special piece of your heart that is reserved for them. That is why the heart is the strongest muscle in the body. It continually grows and makes room for others while never forgetting the good stuff. It keeps you alive and kills bitterness.
• I believe that you should have as many windows open as you can. It lets the outside in.
• I believe that whenever someone calls you names or is ugly to you, it isn't always about you. Sometimes people need to vent and it just lands on you. Learn the difference before getting your feelings hurt.
• I believe that the reason we get stressed out is because we care too much. If we didn't care, we could brush it off and walk away.
• I believe that you should have to actually use your Bible in church. Preachers should make you flip to follow along.
• I believe that just because you are alone, that isn't always a bad thing. How else are you going to get to know yourself if you are always surrounded by others? Take time out just for you.
• I believe that eating out is best saved for special occasions. It should be a treat. Besides, what is wrong with a home cooked meal?
• I believe that there are special relationships that are worth holding on to. They are worth fighting for even if other people don't understand why. They are special.
• I believe that airports are magical places. People coming and going on vacations and business trips. It is a place of anticipation and hopeful plans. They are the best waiting rooms in the world!
• I believe that diversity of people is what makes this world a beautiful place.

Needs vs. Wants

*This started off as a comment on Jamie's blog but was too LONG. Therefore, I turned it into a blog.*

To say that I am a Grey’s Anatomy fan is a HUGE understatement. I watch it while I work and today was no exception. One of my favorite scenes was on and it made me laugh (again). A woman comes into the hospital and she is in such shock that all she can do is scream at the top of her lungs. No one can make her stop. Finally, in a desperate attempt, one of the interns grabs her by the arms, gets nose to nose, and screams right back in her face. It catches her off guard and she stops. It makes me laugh. Sometimes, I think that is just what I need. Someone to scream in my face to make me face what life really is for me.

I have SO many things I want for my life. I dreams about where I want to go, things I want to do, who I want to be, and who I want to be there with me. I dream BIG. These things are truer to me and who I am than anything else. I believe that what we want speaks volumes towards who we are. Lately, I’ve had to make choices about needs vs. wants. Unfortunately, the needs outweigh the wants and that is how it should be. Yet, no matter how right it is, I am so sad when I have to let go of one of those wants. Another small (or large) dream that goes away. It may sounds a little bit dramatic but it feels like a part of me dies. You don’t get that back. You try to accept reality but it is a hard and bitter pill to swallow. I don’t think you ever fully get over it. You just silently scream for a while until God grabs you, puts his nose to yours, and screams in your face just to catch you off guard. Then, you snap into the reality of the present. It doesn’t make that dream (or the pain of losing it) go away completely, but it does make you appreciate the here and now. It is real. It is all we have.

A Time Such As This

On Saturday night, the young adults are getting together to watch One Night With the King. It is a movie based, very beautifully and accurately, upon the life of Esther. Before we watch it, we are all going to read the book so we can discuss it when we are finished with the viewing. I reread it last night. I know that other people have reached the same conclusion that I am reaching so this isn't anything earth shattering. Just my thoughts on it.

I have been told, and often thought, that I have been born in the wrong time. I would "fit" better some time else. I don't know when but not 21at century America. As I read through the life of this amazing woman, the words of Mordecai resounded through me. "And who knows but that you have come into this royal position for such a time as this?" (4:14) Now I know that I am not royalty and I will more than likely not save an entire nation, but I know that the same can be said true of me. For whatever reason, I have been put here in this place and in this time for a reason. God planned for me to be right here, right now. I don't know what it is and I may never know. The simple thought is breathtaking and humbling at the same time.

Oh for the courage to know and see what God has planned!

Lemonade at the End of the Day

As I sat down tonight, I was planning on writing about the annoyances of Wal-Mart the day before Valentine's Day. Then, I breathed...

Having Mom's surgery over and her home, I feel so much lighter! I know this wasn't my burden to carry but it was not fun to watch. Tonight, I turned on iTunes to work to and got SO wrapped up in the music. I still can't sing along with it yet but I discovered that I could do my version of dancing and have a blast! Gwen Stefani, Semisonic, Ok Go, Beyonce, and Regina Spektor (among others) came out to play with me. Erin would be so proud!

Tonight, I feel like the lemons from the past weeks have turned to lemonade. I know that work is still there and not getting any better but tonight, I am relaxed and dancing around the apartment. If this is what one weight lifted feels like, I am REALLY looking forward to next Tuesday night after Writing TAKS! I can't wait!

Delayed Reaction Girl Strikes Again!

Most people get nicknames from those that love them. I have one or two from Dad but overall, I go by my own name. However, I have adopted a nickname for myself..."Delayed Reaction Girl". Basically, that is who I am and what I do. Take care of what and who needs it at the time. I'll be the "strong one" for now. It's not a conscious thing that I do but it never fails. Once everything is said and done, I fall apart.

Last night, when we had to say good night to Mom, it took everything I had not to lose it right then and there. Up until then, I had pretty much been fine. I pretty much held it together out to the car, to the restaurant, and through dinner. The ride home was a whole different story though. God was in control of the car because I was crying so hard I was having a hard time seeing. Jenn got a sobbing phone call as I drove up I10.

Then, this morning, I was fine until someone at work asked me about how Mom was. Without any warning, I broke down again. It wasn't until I got Dad's message about how much better she was doing and actually talking to her that I fully settled down.

What is the deal!? Surgery was over and she was doing so well. I will concede that yesterday was NOT a fun day for her but she really was better!

I am such a freak!

And then comes today....

So I vented some frustrations yesterday. They are as real today as they were yesterday but I had the "awwww factor" hit me throughout the day.

I woke up this morning with no voice. I'm not talking a raspy, cracking voice. I'm talking barely a whisper. I was concerned about how the day would go with my group. One of my more difficult students decided to be my watchdog today. Basically, he spent all day telling the class to be quiet so I don't "hurt my voice anymore". They listened to him (which is semi-surprising). I had drawings, notes, and written prayers telling me to get well soon. It was adorable.

I still have nothing but we will see what I wake up with.

Throwing in the Towel

Tonight I was going to try to make it back to Sugar and Spice. I've been looking forward to it for two weeks. Then, just like always, work got in the way. I had so many things come up that I just quit at 6:30 and left. I still had so much I should have done but I had already stayed too late.

The thing that is bothering me is this...Work is once again taking over every part of my life. Anytime I try to do anything not work related, work creeps in. It is a huge catch 22. If I stay and take care of work, I miss out on the things I would love to do. If I leave and attempt to have a life, I fall behind on work.

Is this what it's like to be an adult? Having to sacrifice everything to keep up with the job? This isn't a rhetorical question. I need to know. I mean, if this is it, I need to get over things and just learn to accept working 24/7. If it isn't, I need to figure out what to do to make things better.

I want to see people outside of work. I want to come home and relax without feeling guilty for relaxing or cleaning the apartment. I want to have a hobby. I want to see my friends more than once every couple of weeks. Is that too much to ask!?

Thoughts on a Sunday

During the Lord's Supper today, this thought crossed my mind and it has hung around all day. Thought I would share and see what you think.

I know with absolutely certainty that Christ knew the pain he would have to endure when he came to Earth. The knowledge of being separated from the Father must have been a terrifying thought. But did he know how badly the physical pain would hurt? Having never wrapped himself in our flesh, did he have any clue what the beating and breaking would feel like? I imagine that the first time he hit his thumb with a hammer in Joseph's workshop was a bit surprising. I wonder if he fast forwarded in his mind to the beatings after the Mount of Olives. Did he swallow the lump in his throat when he realized that a cross is a more damaging than a hammer? Was he afraid of the physical torture as he sweat like blood in prayer? I know the meaning behind it was worse than the actual bodily harm but did he have a clue from heaven's side of birth?

It's humbling!

One of Those Days

Do you ever have one of those days? Surely you have. We have all had them. The day where you just can't catch a break or everything is a near miss. People just keep missing the mark and you just want to put your head in your hands in disbelief. All you can think is, "Seriously!?" On top of that, you keep looking at the date thinking that there is something important about it. Something you should be remembering. Then it hits you and you wish you hadn't remembered. It was one of those days.

Then came the evening. Danielle and I got together for dinner and caught a musical a girl from church was in. While the show was excellent, I really enjoyed seeing my friend. I haven't actually done anything with her for a while. It's good to have someone who shares your same stresses and can laugh with you as well as at you. Danielle has an extraordinary passion for God and she raises the bar for me. There is so much about her I want to be like. I always more confident about where I am in life after I spend time with her. What a blessing!

My Newest Theory

*This is post 100!*

As I have said in the past, I am an Old Testament junkie. There are times that I think I could make a good Jew (except that I believe in Jesus Christ as the Messiah - that could be a problem). I LOVE what the Old Testament holds in it's pages. I could go on for quite a while about the beauty of it but I'll cut to the point.

How often do we, New Testament Christians, take time to study the Old Testament? How often do you hear a whole sermon spend the majority of it's message in the times before Christ? I have a new theory. I think that as New Testament Christians, we have taken the idea about not following the old law to a very sad extreme. The thought that has popped into my mind is that we view the Old Testament as a series of books that proves Christ's deity and miracles. I agree 100% but, truth be told, that we have missed a huge point.

The Bible is a compilation of 66 books. Only a third are New Testament. So why did the Holy Spirit include the other two thirds to be added to our scripture if we are no longer under the Mosaic law? I believe that it is so we can see God. We know that God never changes. From Genesis chapter 1, we are introduced to who God is. We have 39 books that show us who God is and what He desires most. We see all of God's emotions - from heartbreak to jubilation, grace to mercy, friendship to enemy. We see how God and man interact and how those relationships are either forged stronger or separated.

I believe with all of my heart we need to get back to the heart of God. We see him in Christ through the Gospels. We are told about him in the letters. But to actually encounter HIM? Look were He spoke, acted, and felt. Look at the God who is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Look in the pages of Genesis, Judges, the Prophets, the Kings, the wanderings, and the conquerors. As you read, you may find yourself there. You will find God.