My Beautiful Aspens

Even though it has been two weeks since returning from Colorado, I have thought about it multiple times daily. One of my favorite memories that touches my heart more than any other is that of the aspen trees. Most of the pictures here, I did not take but they are what I saw - what my heart fell in love with.

One of the things I was looking forward to the most about Colorado was seeing the fall colors. We don't have a fall here so I was ecstatic to see what it looks like in other places. As we were driving up, this is what we saw. This is Mt. Yale - across the valley from where we were. Needless to say, we had the same view. The second picture is Mt. Princeton - where the ranch was.

It was breath-taking, to say the least. One thing we talked about was that God uses His creation to show off His beauty. He uses it to woo us to Him and to show His love for us. Who needs a dozen roses when you can get something this beautiful, right? Their long, white trunks were so smooth and soft. And just to prove how wonderful these trees are, just check out their leaves. To me, they look slightly heart-shaped. We saw them on hikes and they littered the grounds where I chose to spend my quiet times. When you are working through things and God is breaking down those areas only He can rebuild, its nice to be surrounded by hearts to remind you of His.

The ones most immediately surrounding us had only just started to change. In fact, we saw one tree change from pure green to almost completely yellow over the four days we were there. It was amazing. However, the green was beautiful too. The leaves are almost transparent. As the sunlight would shine through, every shade of green would twinkle at us. My favorite color is green so you know I was delighted! It almost seemed as stained glass.

What made the leaves twinkle shades of green in the light was the wind. A slight breeze would blow and the leaves would lightly twist and dance in the breeze. The sound was like no other - almost like a stream. They clapped for their Maker. As if their celebration in the air weren't enough, their shadow would dance too. It almost looked like the flutter of butterfly wings on the ground.

In case you can't tell, I grew to love these trees very quickly. I see the Creator in them. He used them in powerful ways to minister to me over those four days. When I think about Heaven, I hope a portion of it will be sitting in a grove of aspens, talking to Jesus. I think He looks forward to it too.

Captivated and Captivating

Last weekend, I was blessed beyond measure to attend the Captivating Event put on my Ransomed Heart Ministries. I've thought for a week about how to blog about these four days and even now, I am at a loss for adequate words. God blew open the doors of healing, love, and redemption as He never has before. I know it wasn't Him that changed but me. I came ready to work and worship and He met me there. And, just as He told us, He began a good work and is carrying it through to completion. Even though I left a week ago, He continues to work in those areas I need Him most. Even a few moments ago, He reminded me of the sweetness of His freedom. He leaves me speechless. My life and my worship is forever changed.

The weekend was deeply personal - intimate even - and sharing it all here just doesn't feel right. I am holding it close, as a treasure to be fiercely protected. However, I was to encourage you to take a look at the book. I'm happy to share my story so email me or we can visit when I see you next. Until then, here are a few images of the weekend. Each really is worth 1,000 words to this heart:

Looking out across the valley area. You can't see it with my little point and click camera but there were ribbons of yellows and oranges that brought the soul to life.

The six girls I bonded with. They are more loved than they will ever know!

With a beloved aspen tree. I think God made them just for me. Be looking for a future post about the greatness that is God's gift of the aspen tree.

This was taken from a bridge where I sat during one of our quiet times. It's song soothed my spirit.

As a woman who has been ransomed and redeemed, you can be strong and tender. You speak to the world of God's mercy, mystery, beauty, and his desire for intimate relationship. You are inviting; you can risk being vulnerable, offering the weight of your life as well as your need for more because you are safe in God's love. You labor with God to bring forth life - in creativity, in work, in others. Your aching, awakened heart leads you to the feet of Jesus, where you wait on him and wait for him. The eyes of his heart are ever upon you. The King is captivated by your beauty. (Captivating, pg 217)

When I Became A Christian

My bible class teacher shared this poem in class today. It's a little long but worth the read.

When I Became a Christian, by Adrian Plass

When I became a Christian I said, Lord, now fill me in,
Tell me what I’ll suffer in this world of shame and sin.
He said, Your body may be killed, and left to rot and stink,
Do you still want to follow me? I said, Amen! – I think.
I think Amen, Amen I think, I think I say Amen,
I’m not completely sure, can you just run through that again?
You say my body may be killed and left to rot and stink,
Well, yes, that sounds teriffic, Lord, I say Amen – I think.

But , Lord, there must be other ways to follow you, I said,
I really would prefer to end up dying in my bed.
Well, yes, he said, you could put up with sneers and scorn and spit,
Do you still want to follow me? I said, Amen! – a bit.
A bit Amen, Amen a bit, a bit I say Amen,
I’m not completely sure, can you just run through that again?
You say I could put up with sneers and also scorn and spit,
Well, yes, I’ve made my mind up, and I say Amen! – a bit.

Well I sat back and thought a while, then tried a different ploy,
Now, Lord, I said, the Good Book says that Christians live in joy.
That’s true, he said, you need the joy to bear the pain and sorrow,
So do you still want to follow me? I said, Amen! – tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Lord, I’ll say it then, that’s when I’ll say Amen,
I need to get it clear, can I just run through that again?
You said I will need the joy, to bear the pain and sorrow,
Well, yes, I think I’ve got it straight, I’ll say, Amen – tomorrow.

He said, Look, I’m not asking you to spend an hour with me,
A quick salvation sandwich and a cup of sanctity,
The cost is you, not half of you, but every single bit.
Now tell me, will you follow me? I said, Amen! – I quit.
I’m very sorry, Lord, I said, I’d like to follow you,
But I don’t think religion is a manly thing to do.
He said, Forget religion then, and think about my Son,
And tell me if you’re man enough to do what he has done.

Are you man enough to see the need, and man enough to go,
Man enough to care for those whom no one wants to know,
Man enough to say the thing that people hate to hear,
To battle through Gethsemane in lonliness and fear.
And listen! Are you man enough to stand it at the end,
The moment of betrayal by the kisses of a friend,
Are you man enough to hold your tongue, and man enough to cry,
When the nails break your body – are you man enough to die?
Man enough to take the pain, and wear it like a crown,
Man enough to love the world and turn it upside down,
Are you man enough to follow me, I ask you once again.
I said, Oh Lord, I’m frightened, but I also said Amen.
Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen,
I said, Oh Lord, I’m frightened, but I also said, Amen.

Weekend Between Retreats

Last weekend, we had our fall class retreat. We went to a ranch house about 5 miles from the trailer that we lived in when I was pre-school aged. Such a good and needed time! We spent the weekend in the book of Lamentations learning about suffering and what to do with it. It was hard but beautiful. God provided an object lesson the week leading up to it so it was timely as well.

Later this week, I am headed to the great state of Colorado for a women's retreat in the mountains. I cannot begin to share the level of anticipation and excitement that is growing within me! The content, the setting, and meeting with my God. I almost feel like I need to pinch myself to make sure it is real!

So as I sit between retreats, I am looking at where I am. I told Erin tonight that I feel like a punching bag right now. Attach after attach, it isn't slowing down. First the object lesson. Now are the constant struggles that ebb and flow with life in general. Right now, they are all coming in at full force. On one hand, it is difficult. On the other, I feel really excited about it. We are not attacked until Satan feels threatened. So I look forward to a second retreat - full of work and full of grace.

Until then, enjoy some pictures from last weekend:

Kim and me relaxing - our traditional retreat picture:

I learned chess on the back patio:

Our homework/quiet times were spent on the river just behind the house (the "splashes" on the water is the rain coming in):

Part of our group from the weekend:

Warrior Princesses

In a few weeks I am headed to an encampment just outside of Buena Vista, Colorado for the Captivating Event by Randsomed Heart Ministries. Captivating is the book that John and Staci Eldredge wrote about the importance of our female hearts to God. In it, they present that at the very core of who we are, women have three longings: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil our beauty. It is about our relationship with God and how He so perfectly molded our hearts in His perfect way. It is about how we can know God through our perfect design and how we can be known by Him. I can identify with all of these but right now one is screaming at me. And I don't know what it means.

Lately I have had a restlessness growing in me. I've had the desire for something new - an adventure, if you will. I'm not sure why. Honestly, the thought of adding anything new to my already overflowing plate is daunting. But I'm feeling it. The need for something greater. Something bigger. Something that will push me as a person. Something....... I'm feeling that itch of "There's got to be more to life than this." Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I spend my days with six year olds who have already given me more stories to tell in three weeks than I got all of last year combined. I live 30 minutes from my sister/best friend and her family. I have parents that lift me up in prayer and take phone calls about nothing. I worship with a body of believers that are changing my eternal life for the good. I have friends that know what it means to laugh with those who laugh and mourn with those who mourn. I have a roof over my head and every need met. But there has so be something more....

I receive emails daily from Ransomed Heart with excerpts from various books. When I opened my inbox today, it hit me in the gut. This is it:

Women are often portrayed in stories and tales as the "Damsel in Distress." We are the ones for whom men rise up and slay dragons. We are the "weaker sex"; said to faint at the sight of blood, needing to be spared the gory details of battle whether on the field or in the market place. We are the ones waiting in our flowing gowns for the knight to come and carry us away on the back of his white horse. And yes. There are days when a knight in shining armor would be most welcome. We do long to be fought for; loved enough to be courageously protected. But there is a mighty fierceness set in the heart of women by God. It is true to who we are and what we are created to do.

Women are warriors too.

Redeemed women of God have tender, merciful hearts, backbones of steel and hands that have been trained for battle. There is something incredibly fierce in the heart of a woman that is to be contended with, not dismissed, not disdained, but recognized, honored, welcomed and trained.

Stolen Video

I am stealing this from a friend's blog to share. Kevin Anderson has been battling bowel and liver cancer for the past 11 months. This is the video he made for his wife's birthday. Amazing.....

Rachel's Birthday Video from Kristian Anderson on Vimeo.

Worst First Date Ever

When single women get together, often the topic of conversation turns to guys. Sad but true. It's only a matter of time. It happened recently. I met up with three other ladies for dinner and it took two hours but there it came. So in order to make it a little different, one of the girls decided we should share our war stories (i.e. worst first date stories). Mine ranked up there but my friend's story took the cake. It didn't happen to her but to a minister she heard speak. It's too good not to share. Enjoy and be thankful it wasn't you!

He was a single minister in small town Wisconsin (I think) and "of course" needed a wife. So the sweet, well intentioned ladies of his flock decided to set him up with a nice girl they knew. He picked her up and went to dinner in a bigger town about 20 minutes away. The food was good but that was about it. No spark. At all. And it was mutual. So they finished their meal and left the restaurant. Apparently while they were eating, a pretty good sized snow hit. They were having to drive slow so the trip was lengthen. His date decided she needed to go to the restroom and could not wait. She asked him to pull over and please not look in the rearview mirror. He found a safe spot, pulled over, and behaved like a gentleman. However, after 10 minutes of waiting, he decided to see what was going on. He opened the door and discreetly made his was to the back bumper. She was SO thankful he got out because.... Instead of "hovering" she decided to balance her toosh on his bumper while she relieved herself. On a snowy night. In Wisconsin. So what happened? Her rear froze to his bumper! So there she sat, bare-bottomed, freezing, and stuck! We all know not to yank when your tongue freezes to something but what about your bum? After some quick brainstorming, they came up with a solution. There was no other choice really. When you stop and think about it, it was the only logical thing..... Melt the ice. Yep. She looked away as he peed on her/the bumper to melt the frozen connection she had made with his car! She dried off, got dressed, and he took her home. Eventually, he married her too. After going through such a thing, I guess you are bonded for life. But really.....

Can you imagine!?

Class of 2022

Made it through the first week. In some ways, it went great. In others, it was OK. The important part is that everyone survived and the tears were few (4 kids cried this week and I only cried once). I know some people love the first week but I don't. I would like to just get in our routine and get to work. The training and "breaking of the students" is not fun to me at all! I'm a week closer to teaching now! Here are some stats about my class for the 2010-2011 school year:

- 12 boys and 8 girls

- 6 nations are represented in my 20 kids (U.S., Mexico, India, Pakistan, Scotland, and Africa-I know not a nation but I haven't figured it out yet)

- By race, I have 7 White children, 7 Hispanic, 4 African American, and 2 others

Favorite realization of the week:

- According to the getting to know you activities, my class if full of kids that are mathematically minded, artistic, athletic cowboys/girls who love to dance. Yes, they are 6....

Copy Cat

Earlier this week, Erin blogged her always, sometimes, never list. Now I'll take a turn:

I always:

- write in bulleted lists whenever possible

- want to beat my brother-in-law in whatever game we are playing

- dream

- count steps when using stairs

- love a good hug

- make a new recipe when I invite people over for dinner

- rub my eyebrows to help myself relax

I sometimes:

- wish I had a house

- think to myself out loud (often with great emotion)

- use Starbucks as personal incentive to get to work early

- miss my French Horn

- want to learn to fish or play golf

- consider deleting my blog

- think about chopping all of my hair off again

I never:

- stop reading in the middle of a chapter

- cook with Velveeta (gross!)

- take a sick day unless I'm actually sick

- go to the grocery store when it's raining

- chew gum

- can keep a secret from my sister

- pass up a chance to hang with the Johnsons

Hiking With(out) Dad

Today I decided to run away for a few hours. I was needing to get out of the city and my mind wandered to Huntsville State Park. I hadn't been to a state park in years. The thought of getting away from anything related to my normal life appealed to me greatly so off I went.

I'll tell you, just the act of driving out of the city limits makes a world of difference. It feels like I'm stretching my legs and letting out a deep breath I'd been holding all at the same time. The park was perfect. There were no signs of people anywhere. I only saw a handful of people on the trail. Exactly what I needed.

As I hiked, I thought about growing up. We went through a few years when going to the state park was a pretty regular thing. Mom would pack a cooler of food and we would head off to any number of parks. We would drive the park, eat, and take off down (or up) a trail. As we got older (and busier) we stopped going as much. However, the last few times I've been, Dad and I would take off together - just the two of us. We would hike and talk more then than probably any other time. It was something I looked forward to.

Today, I thought about Dad a lot. I thought about his little hiking reminders when my toe would catch a root, my fingers would start swelling, or there would be a steeper part of the trail. I thought about what we would talk about - work, church, family, God, something we were reading, or the occasional guy whose name he had started hearing. I thought about how we always stopped at the prettiest place on the trail to just be quiet and enjoy the beauty around us for a few minutes before moving on. I tried to guess where on today's hike that would have been. I found a few spots I thought he might enjoy. I wondered if he had hiked that trail in college. Every time I passed another hiker or a biker and said hello, I could hear his "howdy" in the back of my mind.

It's funny how even though someone is miles and miles away, they can be with you every step of the way. Maybe next time I go, he can come too.

Time

So its that time of year again - I've already spent quite a bit of time in my classroom. It's almost finished and looks pretty good, if I do say so. Lots of warmly decorated, empty space to hang up learning as we go. My favorite part so far? A bulletin board outside my room with owls/moons (to be labeled with student names) that says "Look Whoo's in First Grade". It's simple but too cute.....

As glad as I am to be getting this done early, I'm already thinking about time. How quickly the summer went. How I'm not quite ready for it to be over. How to readjust to getting up with the alarm. How to balance work with the rest of my life. And on it goes.....

Last school year (and this summer, to a degree), my schedule was packed. My calendar is already filling up for the next two months. Craziness! So this is my personal prayer as this school year starts: That God will show me what activities to hold on to and what to let go of. That He show me where to make room and how to prioritize my activities. Where to spend my time and where to rest. I'm having to let go of some good things to make room for the better things. And sometimes resting is better.

Now if I can only practice what I'm preaching.... :)

A Time for Everything

The past couple of days, I'm just been hit by the ebbs and flows of life. On Thursday, we got the devastating news of a family who lost their child two days before he was due to be born. Devastating doesn't even feel like an adequate word. So some of us gathered together to pray with them last night. My life group was meeting as well so we excused ourselves after some time. As I was driving away from the house, I was overwhelmed by how surreal everything seemed. Here was a family whose world had just been shaken so strongly. Yet, all around them, everything was going on as if nothing had changed. Errands were being run, gas was being pumped, and dinner was being made. When we got to life group, we visited about everything and nothing - laughing and eating to our heart's content. It almost felt like a completely separate world. Then I went to Erin and Gregg's house to visit. We talked about upcoming plans for the week and weekend. Again, we laughed at how "funny" Erin is and how Gregg just can't keep a secret (with no help from yours truly).

When I was finally driving home, I couldn't help but think about how complex life is. All around us, people are making plans, celebrating great joys, and mourning deeply. I kept looking at my fellow drivers wondering which it was that they were doing. The truth is, you never know what someone is dealing with. I think that so often I have read Ecclesiastes 3 selfishly. I will go through all times in my life and God will make everything beautiful in its time. While there may be truth in that, I think I missed a big point. I missed that these aren't definable seasons with beginnings and ends. They are going on all around us all of the time and we just don't know it. They change moment to moment and person to person, interwoven all around us. You just never know what someone is dealing with.

It humbles me....

Channeling Julie Andrews

Yesterday I was able to experience one of my favorite things. I LOVE when the sun is shining and it is raining lightly. It's perfect! Rainbows come from days like this and even if they don't, I just love sunny, rainy days. As I enjoyed the sun/rain, I got thinking about other things that I love. Just thought I would make a list. Feel free to add on to it or share your own:

- the smell of fresh cut grass

- a gentle breeze on a warm day

- a sweet little voice saying "It's D!" and singing "Sing Swee' Ni-gale Awwww...."

- the face of a little boy eager to get some solids in his mouth or taking a lunge across the floor

- folding yourself into clean sheets

- holding hands

- the smell of a bookstore

- pretty toes after a fresh pedicure

- coming home to a clean house

- rainbows

- the perfect song that you haven't heard in a while

- laughing until you can't breath

- the sound of a river

- discovering a fantastic new recipe

- a long, safe hug

Houston Project 2010

Last year I joined the Houston Project for the first time. It was a HUGE learning experience for me and God opened my eyes to so many different things. It was pretty mind blowing. This year, God still did some amazing things but as all annual experiences go, it was different.

Again I worked with the three and four year old group. They are full of such sweetness you want to scoop them up every time you get the chance. Since most of our kids are either Bhutanese, African, or Hispanic, they all have those deep, chocolate brown eyes that you can stare at forever. And their smiles just melt your heart - even if most of their teeth are silver.

Unlike last year, I was not able to go all five days. On the fourth day, I missed it due to prior commitments. It was a blessing because the night before, I was wide awake from 1:45 - 4:00. So what do you do when you can't sleep? Of course, pray. The kids were on my mind so they were the focus of my prayers. I was telling God about how last year was so much about how big He is and how much He can do if we are just obedient to go where He needs us. So I asked Him what this year is about - not just for me but for us all. I kept hearing the word, "joy". The more I prayed and thought about it, the more "joy" made sense: His provision of strength, the joy from the kids and from the volunteers, His joy over the week, it all fit. So when I went back on the last night, I soaked in every last smile, giggle, ah-ha moment, and bead of sweat that ran down our faces for the sake of these people. Yes, it was a joyful week.

I do want to share one story. This sweet little man is Hope. His family is from Africa but his English was almost perfect. He stole my heart pretty quickly. A little ball of energy and full of desire to participate, he made driving 45 minutes to the site each day easy. Thankfully, he took to me too. Sorry I don't have one of his sweet face. It might be better because you would melt if you could see those eyes!

As I said, I was gone on Wednesday so when I got back on Thursday, I went to collect our materials from the apartment. As I opened the door, he walked out. His whole face lit up and he held his arms up to be scooped up (which I did, of course). He touched my face and said, "My teacher's here! Where were you yesterday? I missed you." I told him that I missed him too and was glad to see him. The conversation immediately turned to bubbles, balls, and could he carry our class sign but he would not let me put him down or stop touching my face. I could have stayed in that moment all night.

Thank you, God, for little boys like Hope.

Take a Bow

Last Thursday, I took my friend Kim to see Wicked. I've seen it before - several times. In fact, this was time number five. Yes, you read that right. However, if you have seen the show, you know that it is the type of show which you want to share with people over and over again. It was a great cast and it just never gets old. Especially when you see it with someone for the first time. All of the laughs and gasps are just fun.

I've mentioned it before but I've really grown to love the standing ovation. Not for me - I would hate the attention. You've seen me selling tickets, helping with costume changes, but never on the stage. Not my thing. I'd rather be backstage! For those on stage, it is one of my favorite times of the night. After months of hard work - acting, singing, choreography, and being on the road - they do their thing in front of a packed house. To say thank you, the audience shows love - lots of it. Clapping, whistles, hoots, and longevity of it all. On Thursday night, it was one of the best I've ever seen. From the time the curtain when down, people around me are literally leaning forward of the edge of their seats to just dying to get up and show some love. When the time came, you couldn't keep them in their chairs.

It isn't my place but when that happens, I can't help but feel a swelling of pride on my chest. Seeing people appreciated and to experience such recognition for their hard work just makes me feel proud of them. Then they get to take their bow. It's great. I can't even imagine how a parent would feel.

Reason number 4 why live shows are so great - the standing ovation!

Oh What a Night...

You know how some days just exceed your expectations? Yesterday was one of those days. Nothing huge happened but it was just a really good day. Church was amazing but that will be another post later this week. This one is about the less meaningful but fun-filled evening.

Several of my friends took advantage of the long weekend and got out of dodge. The few of us that were still in town broke up into various groups and hung out for the 4th. My friend, Jennifer, opened up her house to about 10 of us. The guys grilled out and the girls made sides. There was lots of eating involved but someone was gracious and didn't subject any of us to the horror that is always mid-bite pictures. After dinner, we played some games (some of us aren't smarter than 5th graders but we do know the physics of catching grapes in our mouths with various changing variables) and cleaned up before heading out to the fireworks.

We all piled in the back of our friends truck and rode to watch the fireworks. You would not guess that it was July last night. PERFECT weather! We all kept saying how we couldn't believe how nice it was. When I got home, I checked the weather - 81 degrees! On July 4th! In Houston, TX! When does that ever happen? Add a light breeze and clear, star-filled skies and you've got our amazing night.

The firework show we went to was a dud but behind us, there were about three HUGE shows going on. We just turned around and watched them from a distance. They were gorgeous. I bet they went on for about an hour and it was non-stop. So instead of one right above us, we watch the horizon explode in color all around us. We enjoyed it and decided to go there next year. We headed back to the house for desserts, silliness, and Catch Phrase. Then it was time to head home. It was a great 4th!

This just shows you the amazing guys I know - They volunteered to do this without anyone asking:

Before leaving for fireworks, the great Catching the Grape in Your Mouth event commenced. We all rode in the back of this truck to the firework show so it became about doing it in a moving vehicle with wind and curves. Childish maybe but definitely entertaining for all. We all played but my pictures are not attractive at all. Use your imagination.

Here we are waiting for the fireworks to begin:

The girls stayed in the truck and laughed at the boys playing frisbee in the very muddy field around us.

Erin's Not the Only One....

Two years ago, we had the lovely opportunity to experience Hurricane Ike. Seeing as I live alone, I decided (after some convincing on my sister's part) that I would go to her house with she and Gregg. At some point, we decided to go to bed since nothing was going on. We all stayed in Erin and Gregg's room because I'm a scaredy cat - girls in the bed and Gregg in the recliner. In a matter of hours, the storm hit. Gregg and I were up all night. Being the smart individuals that we are, we would either lay there wide awake or stand at the window watching to storm. We traded spots at one point so her could "get some rest". Who do you notice missing from this story? Erin. That is because my sister literally slept through a hurricane. She has received ample teasing on that subject.

Fast forward to last Friday. It was about 7:00 in the morning and my phone chimes that I have a text message. A friend of mine was checking on me because of the apartment fire she saw on the news. I told her it was another apartment (I have four other complexes around me) because I would have heard the fire trucks if they came. As I laid there waking up, I heard the ominous sound of helicopters flying over repeatedly. So I decided to get up and check it out. As soon as I opened the door, the smell of smoke was overwhelming. I stepped outside and just a couple of buildings over, a HUGE fire was raging. Turns out that the office building was engulfed in flames from the inside out. Suffice it to say that about 7 fire trucks were onsite for this one. Big fire! The fire trucks had been sent out before dawn and guess who slept through it all. No cause has been released to us yet so we are waiting to see how it was started. I know where to find video of the fire but it would share my address. Sorry folks.

The moral of the story? I can no longer tease my sister about sleeping through a hurricane.

A couple of pictures of the building. Note to anyone thinking of doing this: Don't take pictures of the crime scene when a security guard is watching. It makes for some very suspicious looks.

So Far This Summer....

Lately a lot of people have been asking me what I am up to this summer. My evenings are pretty full (Tuesday night is the only free night during the week) but my days are very flexible. I have some fun things coming up but I don't want to ruin the upcoming posts. So in the meantime, here are some things that are filling my days:

There has been a little of this:

A lot of that:

Today I decided to don my new apron:

and make my very first homemade apple pie! This may become the summer of baking/cooking!

Good Day, Sunshine

Yesterday I joined some girls and we headed to Galveston to celebrate a friend's birthday. This was my first event of the summer and it was such a good time.

First stop was the beach. We got there and had a quick picnic lunch. After PB&Js with some fruit, we lathered up with sunscreen. I was especially careful to make sure this was done properly. Seeing how I am white as can be, I used SPF 70 (yes, 70) on every inch that needed it. Repeatedly. With friends helping to reach my back where my arms could not. And this is after an initial coat before leaving Houston. Once it soaked it, we hit the waves. Well, actually the waves hit us. It was a red flag day so we only went in up to our waists. Often we were in deeper water due to the swelling of the waves. It was a blast. We stayed in for a while jumping on waves, floating with the rises and falls, drifting with the current a bit, and just having a good time together. It was fantastic! We got out, dried off, reapplied the sunscreen, and I wrapped up in a towel so I wouldn't fry. Eventually, we decided to head out so we hit the showers and drove over to The Strand.

Touristy as it may be, The Strand was fun. We were exhausted so walking from shop to shop was a good way to kill time until dinner. First stop was the ice cream parlor/candy shop. So yummy on a hot June day! We walked in and out of every boutique and gift shop on the street. I wasn't planning on buying anything until we went to the last shop called "Christmas on the Strand". Yes, after a day at the beach, I bought two Christmas ornaments. They were too cute to pass up. They are red and are painted like bandanas.

After The Strand, we met up with some other girls we know for dinner. We had the best waiter. He knew how to earn a tip on a table of 11 girls. :) As we were leaving, one of them noticed that I was looking a little pink but we both bushed it off. After all, there were multiple coats of SPF 70 (yes, 70) throughout the day.

When I got home I wanted to go straight to bed but decided to take a shower to get the rest of the beach off of me. That was when I saw it. My cute new ornaments were not the only things red that came back to Houston. Grrrrr...... To top it off, this might rank up there for worst sunburn to date. At one point, I rolled over last night and it woke me up. I didn't make it to church this morning because what you see below is all I can wear. Thankfully my legs are not bad. It's the upper body that is hating me right now. If you look closely, you can see where the straps of my swimsuit were.

The pictures don't do it justice!

Both arms looks like this up to my neck. You can't tell here but my fingers got a bit burned too.

So I've decided not to head to the beach again for a while. It's too bad because it really was a great time! The sun just doesn't have any love for me. For now, I'm just loving me some aloe vera and remaining thankful it is summer so I don't have to go teach tomorrow!

The Boss of my Heart

The following prayer was posted by Scotty Smith on Monday. It really stuck with me so I thought I would share it with you:

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

Dear Lord Jesus, today, like every day, somebody or something is going to gain the upper hand on the attention, affection and allegiance of my heart. My heart will be ruled… that’s an indisputable fact. Some entity will be the “boss of me.” It could be my bitterness, pettiness or cowardice. It could be evil masquerading an angel of light. It could be overbearing or aggravating people. It could be my lust to look like people on magazine covers. It could be my greed to have a little more. It could be religion or my hatred of religion. It could be old regrets or new fantasies.

But, by faith, right now… I choose your peace as the ruler of my heart… as the “boss of me”… as the centering and sending power for this one day. And who knows peace better than you, Jesus? You are the Prince of Peace! On the cross you secured God’s peace with me and my peace with God. The enmity and hostility between us have been obliterated and eradicated. Peace with God is now a legal right of mine… a done deal… a settled issue. How can I not overflow with gratitude, as this day begins… and continues?

Jesus, please make this legal right a personal delight—an actual power mightily at work in my heart today… and in all my relationships. For you are not just calling me, but US to peace. Yours is a much better story than simply a tale of calming down my restless, wandering heart. Yours is a story of reconciling love. You make enemies friends. You humble stubborn people. You soften hard people. You gentle angry people.

Because you have forgiven me, I will choose to forgive others. Because you have forgiven me, I will choose to ask forgiveness from others. Because you are at peace with me, I will do everything within my power to live at peace with others. So very Amen, I pray, in your holy and persistent name.

Year Seven - Done!

Friday afternoon I checked out with my principal to close out my seventh year of teaching. What a crazy thought! Already seven years. Wow! The last two weeks were insanely busy and I am now on to slower days. I'm not reflecting on it too much since I had plenty of time to contemplate during the craziness that was the end of the year. So in regular Dana fashion, here are some retrospective thoughts about the past ten months:

1. Never get comfortable where you are. This year was the most uncomfortable, stretching position that I have ever been in. It has taught me how to work with difficult people, how to see things from another point of view, and how to advocate like I've never done before. None of those were easy things but as the year went on, it became so. It stretched me as an educator and person. I would LOVE to be back there as soon as I can.

2. God will never ask you to go somewhere He won't walk with you. While it was not the valley of the shadow of death, I had some pretty intense anxiety at the beginning of the year. He not only got me through it, he grew me to relax, trust him, and enjoy it.

3. What doesn't make sense at the time always turns out to have meaning in hindsight. This I knew but needed a good reminder. When I was told I was being moved to "the trailers" (Comp Ed), it felt so out of the blue and didn't make any sense. In hindsight, here is what I see:

- There were lessons I needed to learn personally and spiritually I couldn't learn anywhere but back there.

- I couldn't have stayed with the Johnson's after Bladen was born if I had been in the classroom.

- I couldn't have helped out with the grandparents like I was able to if I had been in the classroom.

4. Sometimes, we all just need someone to believe in us to help us succeed. At a meeting at the beginning on the year, the district level person over my department reminded us that 80% of our job is emotional. I've never seen that to play out as more true as I have this year. Giving love and confidence can make a kid soar as much as imparting information. At the same time, some kids need more than we can give. We just have to love them until we can get them the help they will need.

5. Most importantly, never be anxious about working with people who are different from you. My team was so different than any other I've ever had. There was a co-worker I was most concerned about working with. She ended up being my favorite person on my team. Even better, God used her the most to teach me about his love. Another co-worker and I grew pretty close. She told me on Wednesday that as soon as a spot opens up on her team again, she's getting me back. I told her she better follow up on it! You never know the impact someone is going to make on your life or you on theirs.

What a Weekend

I am exhausted. I am so looking forward to crawling into bed. However, it will wait a few more minutes. Honestly, if you look at what I did this weekend, you wouldn't think much of it. Yes, I got a lot accomplished but there was down time too. Most of the days were spent alone with my evenings filled with good friends. However, when you get alone with God, he does some pretty heavy duty stuff. He deals with the stuff you are pushing to the side. He knows that laundry needs to be aired and he sure does take care of it. However, he doesn't just leave it at that. Once those spots are cleared out, he puts things on your heart. And this weekend, he sure did that. While I may not understand some of it, he has given me some hard things to sift through and pray over. So that is what I'll be doing for a while.

Getting alone with God - it is the best kind of exhausting there is!

Glory Be

We all go through seasons of learning in our lives and I wanted to briefly share where I am right now. This theme is being played out in Sunday morning Bible Study, daily recall, and in my reading. I'm not going to spell out the specifics of how it applies to my life as of yet because some of it is still rolling around in my head. I'm sure you will see if unfold as time goes by - at least I hope you will. For now, this is a brief excerpt from John Eldredge's book Waking the Dead. I hope it encourages you:

Back in the beginning of our time on earth, a great glory was bestowed upon us. We all - men and women - were created in the image of God. Fearfully and wonderfully made, fashioned as living icons of the bravest, wisest, most stunning Person who ever lived. Those who have ever seen him fell to their knees without even thinking about it, as you find yourself breathless before the Grand Canyon or the Alps or the sea at dawn. That glory was shared with us; we were, in Chesterton's phrase, "statues of God walking about in a Garden," endowed with a strength and beauty all our own. All that we ever wished we could be, we were - and more. We were fully alive.

I daresay we've heard a bit about original sin, but not nearly enough about original glory, which comes before sin and is deeper to our nature. We were crowned with glory and honor. Why does a woman long to be beautiful? Why does a man hope to be found brave? Because we remember, if only faintly, that we were once more than we are now. The reason you doubt there could be a glory to your life is because that glory has been the object of a long and brutal war.

No Wonder....

Since I am in the midst of writer's block and it is time to update the blog, you get to read yet another school story. Don't worry, you only have a few more days to have the possibility of reading student stories. :)

I have two third grade girls that I work with for intense math intervention. Last Wednesday, we walked into my room and I noticed that one of them (L) was staring over my head instead of at what was before her on the table. Here is how the conversation went:

L: *deep sigh* I just feel so sorry for them.

Me: For who?

L: (pointing behind me to a nursery rhyme poster) Jack and Jill....

Me: Why?

L: All they wanted was some water. And they got really hurt!

Me: You do know that it is a poem, right?

L: Yes, but I still feel bad for them. Who would you rather be, Jack or Jill?

Me: I don't know, sweetie. What do you think?

L: Jill, definitely Jill. I mean, she just took a tumble. Jack busted his head open. I'd rather scrape my knee than break my skull.

Me: How long have you been thinking about this?

L: All week. That is why I haven't finished the multiplication chart yet.

Me: I see.......

TAKS Observations

When you have NOTHING to do but watch students take a test (knowing your career and teaching certificate are on the line), you can have some pretty random thoughts. I have two.

1. Can you imagine being OCD and having to take a standardized test? Imagine having to bubble in all of your answers on a scantron. Torture, I'm sure!

2. Pretzels are the WORST snack to give out during the TAKS test. First, the eat them like a squirrel. I had no idea it takes so long to eat one pretzel! There are many ways to prolong it:

- Bite off each curve individually. Then eat the remaining branches one at a time.

- Lick all of the salt off of them and then proceed to the technique above.

- Bite each pretzel into a letter. Examples: A, B, C, D, J, K, M, R, S, V, W,Y Also, they can be bitten into a teardrop.

- Eat all the way around the outside of the pretzel (like a layer) and then go the other way to finish it off.

- See how many nibbles it takes to finish one. Whoever takes the most wins.

All are disgusting and delay the inevitable. My personal opinion - pretzels should be banned from the testing environment. Why not, everything else is!?

Creepiest Dream Ever

Seriously - I win. This week I had the creepiest dream I have ever had. Some people I have told about it have laughed thinking it funny. Some have shared my my creepy feelings. Yet, others have surprisingly told me they have had a very similar dream. Usually I'm not into dream interpretation but this one has me curious. Here it is:

I'm a part time nanny for a dentist who lives on the first floor and has his practice on the second floor. One day as I'm getting ready to go into work (still a teacher as well as a nanny), my teeth start falling out. So I try to tell someone but every time I talk, the teeth left in my mouth crumble into little pieces. I can't call my assistant principal to tell her I'm not coming in because my teeth are alternately falling out and falling apart. On top of this, the dentist I nanny for won't see me. I don't know why but he won't. So I try to get an appointment and can't.

That is when I woke up. I immediately felt for my teeth. It so wasn't funny. Here it is two nights later and I still remember every vivid detail of the dream. I could feel it all! So creepy!

Too Good Not to Share

I have a friend that just cracks me up. I had to share what he wrote on his status update because it was oh so funny. In advance, you are welcome.

I wondered this morning as I sat here quietly eating my danish....What do they call a danish in Denmark? In my head I think they just refer to it as "bread". That would be a confusing conversation. "Danish?" "Yes I am, grew up here." "No, do you want a danish?" "No, I have a wife and she's from here too."

Home

A few months ago, a friend of mine wrote a blog about how she was homesick. She moved to Egypt to teach school on a two year commitment and, at the time, has been there for about six weeks. As I opened her post and read the title, I expected to find lines about friends in Houston, places she missed, and the comforts of America. I should have known better. She has a heart for Cuba and it is her ultimate goal to move there permanently. She wrote that as much as she was enjoying Cairo and does miss Houston, her heart is longing to be where it fits best. While she has never lived there, being there fits.

I find this very interesting. While I see all kinds of spiritual significance to this small post, I'm not going to go there today. I know - you're shocked. Dana's keeping it light. It doesn't happen too often so you can relax and enjoy. :)

I can totally relate to what my friend was saying. Last weekend as I was in Austin, I felt at home. Everything in me relaxed because I was where I love and long to be. I love the abundance of independently owned businesses, the laid back atmosphere, and the lifestyle. I love the accessibility of the hill country while being surrounded by the healthiest city in Texas (tenth in the nation). Right now, that is not the path that has been set before me but one day I hope to find myself in a house in Austin (or somewhere very like it). I love everything about it. So as I thankfully continue with my day in Houston, I long for home.

What about you? Is there a place that feels like another home to you?

Taking a Flying Leap

Last winter, I was trying to think of something big to do for the big 3-0. I wasn't too sure what to do but it was looking like a trip somewhere. Then one day I got an email from my friend Adrienne. She is Miss Adventure all the way (at least in my eyes she is). She had some photos of her at a trapeze school and I wondered if she would be up for skydiving. However, I felt really awkward asking someone to jump out of a flying airplane so I mentioned doing the trapeze. On me of little faith. Of course, Adrienne mentioned skydiving and the plan was made. So after months of anticipation, we met up this weekend to take the big jump.

It was amazing! I really think everyone should do it once. My instructor was wonderful - over 4,000 jumps under his belt. On the plane ride up, we got attached and he told me what to do and expect. When it was our turn, we walked up to the door and we were off. We did a back flip out of the plane and went into a 120 mph free fall. He tapped me and let me pull the chute. We slowed down and got to really enjoy the view. It was so beautiful! Watching others floating and spinning below me was so fun. He showed me how to steer and spin using the toggles and then let me control our path for a while. At one point I felt like I was floating through the middle of a movie. I heard him say, "I'm going to be the first guy to take you on a walk through a cloud." Next thing I know he is steering us in and around a cloud! It was very cool! He has the perfect line built in if he ever wants to sweep a girl off her feet!! We made a very gentle landing and exchanged a hug. I was over too quickly but it was so worth it!

Adrienne and me

Me before the jump

Me after the jump (obviously enjoyed it)

On the way back to Austin, I told Adrienne this jump felt very freeing. I know that there are a lot of things I have wanted to do but chosen not to because it didn't fit who other people think I am. I think this is one of those things. Most people I know would not pick me to skydive. I'm the dependable, responsible, two feet on the ground type of person. However, I just jumped out of an airplane! And it felt great! I am finally ready to stop limiting what I do base upon what I think others will expect and think. I loved the jump and am now ready for the next thing. The options are endless - a solo trip, zip lining, parasailing, hand gliding, and the list goes on. So keep your eyes open! You never know what I may come up with next.....

Poor Captain Von Trapp

I've been wanting to watch The Sound of Music lately. It reached the point that I set it out but just haven't set aside three hours to sit down and enjoy it. Tonight, I noticed it was on TV. It has been playing as I have taken care of some things around the apartment. Of course, there are certain scenes that you have to sit down to watch.

As I was working on dishes in the kitchen, the gazebo scene with Captain Von Trapp and Maria came on. I couldn't help but wonder, am I the only one who feels bad for Captain Von Trapp in this scene? I mean, he tells her he loves her and she doesn't say it back. Then, he goes to kiss her a second time and instead of letting him, she starts singing. Am I the only one who feels he gets a little jipped? I don't know any guy who would be prefer a serenade to a kiss. Don't get me wrong, it's a sweet scene but really? Poor guy.

Maybe its because she was a nun.......

The Woes of a Single Woman

God is good and I am very thankful for the life he has given to me. However, there are a few things that are slightly annoying being single. These aren't things that truly are important but they can really get irritating at times. I've obviously managed fine thus far. So without further ado, here is a list of the top seven things that are better with someone around (couldn't think of three more to make it an even ten):

1. Sometimes zippers on the back of dresses are very hard to close.

2. Jars can be very difficult to open.

3. Cars are beyond my comprehension.

4. Grilling out is a favorite but eludes me completely.

5. There is no one to blame when the apartment gets messy.

6. The act of doing taxes and dealing with insurance companies is an act of trust in God each time it happens.

7. Apparently men shoot straighter than women. Sometimes the clarity and "to the point-ness" of a man is appreciated.

A Year Later

What a year it has been. A year ago, I decided to visit Houston's First Baptist Church just to check it out. A co-worker recommended a class and it was a perfect fit. After six months of juggling two bodies of believers, I made the decision to worship at First. Making the decision to make this move has been one of the most difficult, beautiful blessings of my life.

In the time being there, I have learned so many lessons so far. I thought I would briefly share the things that I have learned and am continuing to learn. Here is what the Lord can do in a year:

- Learning the love of the Lord for me more deeply

- Learning the love of the Lord for others more deeply

- Learning freedom in both of those loves

- Seeing unity in the body of Christ across denominational lines

- A deep respect and appreciation for a strong foundation in Christ

- The difficulty of trust it takes to let someone follow where the Lord is leading them

- Learning to trust the Lord in all things

- The need for community

- The power of prayer

- The understanding of scripture afresh

Each of these lessons are significant on their own. Together, it changes your life and how you are interact/love others. I can't wait to see how the process of learning these things plays out over the days to come. Today, I am so thankful for what has past and anticipate with eagerness the days to come.

The Book Thief

One of my favorite things about summer vacation is the opportunity to read. For the past few summers, I have chosen a series of books and have read through the entire set. I also loving going to Barnes and Noble to peruse the summer reading tables for the high school students. There are usually a few classics that I haven't read or a new on that catches my eye. Two summers ago, I noticed a book called "The Book Thief" with a picture of a domino chain on the cover of it. I read the back, was intrigued, and brought it home. I tried to start it but could not get into it. Fast forward to a month ago and I decide to take it off of the book shelf and give it another go. It is the story of a young German girl and those around her living in Nazi Germany. It is about how books help her survive the war and find the beauty in the midst of despair.

It has been a very long time since I have read a book that has so incredibly taken my breath away. This is it. This is the book that I have - and will continue to - recommend to every person that I meet. On the cover is a line from a review from The New York Times that says, "Brilliant and hugely ambitious....It's the kind of book that can be life changing." At the time, I thought that was WAY overly stated but tonight, as I get ready to put it on the shelf, I already miss the characters. My mom tells me that the first time I watched the movie Annie, I cried because it was over. I've always thought that was silly but tonight, I wipe my tears because there is not a next page. It is devastatingly beautiful in a way that only a book can be. It is taking everything in me to not immediately begin reading it again. It is the most beautiful example of the artistry of words that I have ever read. Below is a four minute interview with the author, Markus Zusak. Watch it and then GO READ THIS BOOK!

Rodeo 2010

In learning growing intimacy with God, there are certain verses that I think we often use as token verses. One that comes to mind is the one that talks about how he knows the number of hairs on our head. Yes, it is neat to know that when I brush my hair, God know how many came out and are now on my bathroom floor. However, to be honest, I find the fact that he knows my unspoken inner places and unrealized needs better than I do is what blows me away. He is the Sovereign Lord of all I am and all I need. This weekend is yet another example of just how he shows up as I need him.

Last Wednesday, I was driving back to Grandpa's house fighting the age old battle of trying not to slip into a pity party. I just wanted to go home and I was driving back into an emotionally draining situation. I was trying in vain to psych myself up for the evening when my phone rang. A friend of mine, Lisa, called me to invite me out for a girls night. A student had given her a Rodeo package that included a suite and tickets to the rodeo for four people for Friday night. I think I may have startled her with the enthusiasm of my acceptance. It was the umph I needed to get me through the rest of the week.

Friday afternoon, we met up and trudged our way through Houston traffic. As we were checking in, we discovered that a mistake was made and there were no tickets for the evening's rodeo. After much ado, we were given (and accepted) the offer for an additional night at the hotel (room rate = $589 per night and we got it for FREE both nights) and tickets for the next day. Once everything was settled, we decided that as nice as the room was, we would split the rodeo into two days. So we were off to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo for the evening. We went to see the quilt and art competitions, animals, vendors, tractors, walked the carnival, had our first experience on the Light Rail, and ended up at The Chocolate Bar (not really a bar but one of the best dessert places I've ever been to). Of course, there was no early to bed with four girls staying in a hotel suite together. Overall, such a fun night! Since there was no rush to check out in the morning, we indulged in sleeping in, breakfast in the hotel restaurant (again, part of the package), and visiting/reading/napping. We got dressed up again and made our way back to the grounds and the rodeo/concert. After the shows, we walked around a bit more and made our way to get steaks (in honor of the rodeo). Then, of course, back to the hotel to stay up too late talking. We got up this morning, had breakfast, and headed to church.

Now, I know that most people would not look at a girls weekend to the rodeo as a sign of a Sovereign God but I guess I'm not most people. I really wanted to go to the rodeo but because of how things turned out, I knew it would have to wait until 2011. God provided. I knew that I was at my breaking point emotionally and just needed an escape. God provided. We took Lisa's car so I was completely unable to feel guilty for not being elsewhere. Mom and Dad came in to stay with Grandpa so I did not have to worry about him. God's provision. Instead of a night of fun, God provided a whole weekend of fun and rest. He provided safety as we walked around. He made a financially impossible impulse stay-cation pretty much free. He very sweetly and powerfully met me each morning in my quiet time.

So yes, I can say with full assurance that God in Sovereign - even at the Rodeo.

Checking In

It has been a few weeks but I'm still alive. I've been staying withe Grandpa the past couple of weeks with a small break here and there so I've been removed from the world of blogs and facebook. I feel like I've seen and heard more about my grandparents than I ever knew possible. I have sweet and heartbreaking stories about it all. I'm so glad to have been able to help out but I have to be honest - I am completely overwhelmed. I know I shouldn't complain but I really could use all of the prayers I can get. I'm going back tomorrow for a few more days and I'm more overwhelmed than I can say. Physically, mentally, emotionally - I don't think I have much more to give.

One of the blessings is that I have had to lean on the Lord more in the past two and a half weeks than I have in years. He has been so gracious to provide strength in our hour of need. He has carried burdens when they got heavy and He has provided for every need we have had. He has held us up when we felt like collapsing and I know He will do it again. I have seen Him answer prayers and be our Comforter. I love and serve a faithful God!

Prayers for Grandma

To say the last 36 hours have been an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement. I'm too emotionally drained right now to even put well thought out sentences on "paper". Please pray for my Grandma and our family as we minister to her and each other. Our needs are so wide reaching - even within my own immediate family. God knows what each one of us needs.

Cheap Healthy Good

Before running to the grocery store today, I jumped online to google recipes for one. Cooking for one can be a struggle so I thought I would look for someone with more wisdom than me. Apparently the only thing that singles can eat are English Muffin pizzas and take out. :) However, in my search, I found my favorite new blog - as if I needed a new obsession on the internet. I usually don't want to dig back through past posts but I can't get enough here.

So the blog is called Cheap Healthy Good. The writers share recipes, articles, vegan/vegetarian information, and random food/eating out information. One thing that I love about it is that the writers give the caloric and fat content as well as the pricing per serving. I got the ingredients for a recipe called Bodega Beans that costs $0.62 per serving and is really good for you. I found another one for $0.89 per serving. It is easy to navigate and you can look by labels. They have links to other good sites as well.

So, here is my very highly recommended new favorite blog: Cheap Healthy Good

Meeting Frank

At the end of last year, I had an ah-ha moment. For whatever reason, it hit me that my grandparents are 86 years old, I live 20 minutes down the road and I only saw them about once per 6 weeks. Not many grandparents make it this far and here I've been wasting time I could be having with them. So at our family Christmas exchange, I asked if I could start coming to have dinner with them once a week. It is mid-February and we are still having dinner every Wednesday.

My grandma has one of the most amazing lives I have ever heard about. She would share a little here and there so I feel like I know about her pretty well. As she has gotten older, she has grown to fear dementia since there is a history of it in her family. To keep her mind sharp, she reads a lot and shares everything about her reading and her life. I don't blame her at all but sometimes that means Grandpa does considerably more listening than visiting. I know there is still stuff to learn but of the two, I have known her story much better. Until recently....

One of my favorite things about Wednesday evenings is getting to visit with Grandpa. He just tells you exactly what he thinks whether you ask for it or not. Sometimes it can be funny, sometimes it makes you roll your eyes, and other times it can be downright shocking. However, in between opinions, he has been slowly getting to share parts of his story along the way. Nothing big and earth shattering but little details that make a person who they are. Things like when they started drinking coffee, or what life was like on a submarine, or helping a favorite aunt study for her master's degree, or how they got their nicknames. Somewhere between the unsolicited advice and listening to his wife retell a story, my grandpa sits waiting his turn - sometimes patiently and sometimes not. And when we get the chance, he tells me things about him that I did not know before. In those moments, it feels like for the first time, I am meeting Frank.